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October 17, 2005

Chinese Produce New SUV With Innovative Feature -- Shattering To Pieces At 40 MPH

The lowest safety-score of any vehicle sold in Europe. It got a zero.

The car's name -- "JiangLing" -- translates roughly as "Let's face it, your kids and wife are a fucking pain in the ass anyway."

posted by Ace at 05:35 PM

Comments

Too bad they don't have that kind of quality control problems with their tanks

Posted by: Iblis on October 17, 2005 05:57 PM

*sigh*

Cedarford would have something really interesting to say about this.

BRING BACK CEDARFORD!

Posted by: Michael on October 17, 2005 06:02 PM

"Jiangling".......... apparently, that's Chinese for "Ford Pinto ain't got NOTHIN' on us".

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on October 17, 2005 06:09 PM

It's a safety-feature packed car.
Per the video, the steering wheel moves closer to the driver to assist the airbag.

Posted by: harrison on October 17, 2005 06:09 PM

As long as it gets good gas mileage, it'll get the thumb's up from USA's greenies.

Posted by: reverse_vampyr on October 17, 2005 06:12 PM

Another nice feature, harrison, is how the windshield frame detaches at impact and enters the vehicle, just in case the steering wheel has failed its task of safely pinning the victim-er, driver, in place.

I bet this is what those fancy engineers call 'redundancy.'

All they need now is a harpoon in the engine compartment, aimed at the passenger.

Posted by: lauraw on October 17, 2005 07:32 PM

Cedarford would have something really interesting to say about this.

If by "interesting" you mean he could find some way to tie this in with the up side of Blitzkrieg, I agree.

Posted by: bbeck on October 17, 2005 07:45 PM

If by "interesting" you mean he could find some way to tie this in with the up side of Blitzkrieg, I agree.

Nah, Cedarford would not tie this to his Nazi schtick. This would be about the outsourcing of U.S. jobs and the theft of U.S. intellectual property by the Chinese, and maybe he would throw in some trenchant observations about Chinese manipulation of currency exchange rates in order to maintain their export-fueled economy and achieve global supremacy.

Fuck, I think I'm channeling Cedarford.

Posted by: Michael on October 17, 2005 07:59 PM

Michael, that's the intellectual equivalent. Just be careful not to channel TOO much or you'll get banned, too. :)

Posted by: bbeck on October 17, 2005 08:02 PM

After two hours you'll want another.

Posted by: Laddy on October 17, 2005 08:03 PM

My Jiangaling,
My Jiangaling,
I want you to crash with my Jiangaling.

Posted by: James on October 17, 2005 08:25 PM

Jiangaling is the noise you hear when you drive it down the street. See, the Chinese do have a sense of humor.

Posted by: Bart on October 17, 2005 08:28 PM

I think the proper pronunciation is "JiangaRing"...

Or, in English, the Randwind.

Posted by: Dogstar on October 17, 2005 08:29 PM

Bart, ROFL!

On the bright side, with options package you get egg roll.

Posted by: lauraw on October 17, 2005 08:35 PM

Does it come with Onstar? I can see the ad now.....
ring - ring ring- ring
"Hello, Coroner's office"
"Hi, this is Becky with Onstar and we have a car with airbags deployed at 5th and Main."

Posted by: scott on October 17, 2005 08:38 PM

Okay, but the JiangLing kicked ass at the rickshaw collision test.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on October 17, 2005 09:21 PM

Kind of like those little toy cars you could peice together you just pushed them hard against a wall and the shattered to three parts just imagine driving off a 50 foot cliff you hit bottom your SUV shatters to bits and your dead

Posted by: spurwing plover on October 17, 2005 09:28 PM

Wow! I hear WALMART is gonna start selling them!

Posted by: JihadGene on October 17, 2005 09:58 PM

Maybe people will stop laughing at the Yugo and Trabant now that the worst car ever has been produced.

Still, people will buy them in droves even though it comes with a Surgeon General's warning in the glove box rather than the usual tire pressure chart.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on October 17, 2005 10:07 PM

I heard the windshield is 60" wide X 3" high. Which makes sense for a Chinese car.

Get it?
Or do I need to get Cedarford in here to explain it?

Posted by: Bart on October 17, 2005 10:32 PM

60" wide X 3" high

That's "factory chopped".

What's it's 0-60 time?

Posted by: on October 18, 2005 12:18 AM

Wait a minute. You're telling me the EU, the consummate nanny state, is letting the Chinese sell an SUV with the approximate roadworthiness of Big Wheels? Are they unhinged or something?

Posted by: ConservativeMutant on October 18, 2005 02:12 AM

Well, they don't want to be accused of racism, you understand.

Posted by: lauraw on October 18, 2005 09:53 AM

i hear BMW is in China now. scary.

Posted by: on October 19, 2005 02:18 AM

Quoth the Plover:
Kind of like those little toy cars you could peice together you just pushed them hard against a wall and the shattered to three parts...

That would be the Kenner SSP Smash-Up Derby Set:
"Them cars have got new Sonic Sound, but ya ain't heard nothin' yet!
Crash, bang, smash 'em up,
Put 'em back again,
Crash, bang, crack 'em up,
It's Smash-Up time, my friend!"

Yet another in the long list of 1960s/'70s toys that would get the manufacturer sued out of existence today... whatever did happen to Kenner Co., anyhow?

Posted by: Mary in LA on October 21, 2005 08:23 PM

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Top Headlines

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure Trump is a wizard

Ted Turner Dies At 87 [CBD]

Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!

TJM definitively ranks the films of Billy Wilder, like Some Like It Hot

TJM talks about Billy Wilder

Democrat Congresswoman Sara Jacobs cites Me-Again Kelly, Cavernous Nostrils, Alex Jones and Tuq'r Qarlson as proof that concerns about Trump's mental health are "bipartisan"
As Bonchie from Red State says: Know the op when you see it.

Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.

Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain