Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.

Belly shirt!? How about a schoolgirl outfit to get Megan to call in? :-)

Where's da chat?

* While supplies last.**

** Supplies currently equal zero and are likely to remain at that level.

So, you're working with the same vendor as last time?

Can you play some Nour Mehanna theme music?

Umm, is it heresy to say that Annie may have a sexier voice than Karol?

JFH - the chat is at chat21882800002936506138

What's your AIM handle, we can invite.

HammerUSNA1

I think Dudes, you blow me like a hurricane would have been more apropos. And I want my prize to be Ace in a belly- shirt. Unless, his pubic hair goes up really really high.

Ace,
Don't sweat it brother. It always seems worse when you're in it than it really is.

So, is "panic" your excuse for sucking up to that paranoid, thoroughly debunked halfwit for 30 minutes?

You really wanna go with that lame excuse?

BTW---whenever your guest says "I'm not a racist but...", you can bet the farm that the next thing out of her mouth will be INCREDIBLY racist. Ms. Jacobsen is no exception to the rule.

Right, Don. It's "racist" to suspect Muslims behaving oddly on a plane of any shenanigans.

Lord knows it has never happened before.

BTW, I covered the alleged debunking of her story. I repeatedly said that the DHS found there was nothing to it.

If you'd been listening, you might have heard that analysts in the DHS disagree with the official line.

So, is "panic" your excuse for sucking up to that paranoid, thoroughly debunked halfwit for 30 minutes?

Sorry, Don. Snopes is not exactly an authoritative source.

Too bad the "racist" passengers on Richard Reid's flight found it suspicious that he was trying light up his Havana Corona sneaker-cigar.

If they had just let him puff on that sneaker, rolled on the thighs of voluptuous Cuban girls, they would have realized he meant no harm, and they were just a bunch of Klansmen without their hoods on.

Ace, do the RightTalk people track ratings during the show, or any clicks on the show at any time? Because if it's only during the live portion, you ought to think about letting people know ahead of time you're going to suffer a panic attack during the show. Ratings *gold*, man.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. In all seriousness, I haven't heard it yet, so I dunno how bad it was, but my guess is you're exagerrating from embarrassment. Like Silk said above, don't sweat it, no biggie.

Just remember: we're all counting on you.

I was theees close to calling in when you mentioned me.

Snopes Online Rumor Mill Spins its Own Myth:

To be sure, Snopes has quelled some rumors about President George W. Bush, such as the one about him having the lowest IQ of modern presidents. But it has split hairs trying to protect Clinton and Al Gore. For instance, Snopes flags the claim that Gore said he "invented" the Internet as false, and signaled it with a red light. The reason given is that Gore actually said he "took the initiative in creating the Internet." Never mind that many dictionaries and thesauruses list the words "invent" and "create" as synonyms.

I like Snopes, but it's not always reliable.

Ace and others: My apologies for completely OT comment. Tried to send it as an email to our Fearless Leader, but was unsuccessful (what can I say, I lack many skills).

In the midst of writing to the National Park Service to slam their mutton-headed dreck of a memorial idea, I had an epiphany of my own: Change the crescent into the outline of a bare ass pointing at Mecca! From crescent moon to FULL MOON just by pulling in the central point of the arc toward the center (i.e. away from Mecca). Think Average White Band logo, or a numeral "3" fallen on its left side. I posted my note at lgf (I had followed their link), asking if anyone wanted to P-shop my idea, but now I think it's much more up your alley (I mean that in a manly way, like a Viking!).

test of lgf comment:

Here is what I sent:

No crescents, no scimitars, no Quranic verses, no fawning referents of any sort to the savage butchers who tried to use Flight 93 to attack our national government. If the design is not to be completely revamped, I suggest an invagination of the "crescent" at its center, thereby creating the outline of buttocks: as the memorial is already centered on the great circle route to Mecca, this would be a more fitting "moon" reference.

Zombie's Photoshop of the memorial design vs. Islamic crescent is wonderful. Anybody wanna take a shot at my idea for the "Mooning Mecca" design? Anyone . . . anyone . . . Allah . . . Bueller?

BTW, I covered the alleged debunking of her story. I repeatedly said that the DHS found there was nothing to it.

Uh...no, you did not. You meekly mentioned it once or twice, but you never followed up. You never offered any alternative evidence or reasoning.

For that matter, you never once asked yourself "is this lady nuts?" Which is odd, because everybody else who has come in contact with her usually asks themselves that question within the first 30 seconds.

If you'd been listening, you might have heard that analysts in the DHS disagree with the official line.

I heard Ms. Jacobsen claim that analysts in the DHS disagree with the official line. Did she mention a name? Nope. Did she offer any kind of corroboration? Nope. Did she have anything to offer but her lone say-so, which is contradicted by the air marshall and the flight crew on board? No, no, and no.

Did you buy her cockamamie story as if it had been handed to you on golden plates from on high?

Yes, you did...hook, line, and sinker.

For that matter, you never once asked yourself "is this lady nuts?" Which is odd, because everybody else who has come in contact with her usually asks themselves that question within the first 30 seconds.

You know, one would think a guy who demands so much "corroboration" would offer some of his own.

Don,

Again, you're so right. I completely made up the fact that al Qaeda frequently probes airline security, and a I also made up the fact that al Qaeda had hijacked four planes to use as missiles and another al Qaeda operative attempted to detonate a bomb concealed in a sneaker.

It's all a "fictitious threat," and we're all racists for even giving credence to such twaddle.

Pussy Dave,

I will take your suggestion under advisement.

but I keeed. Alas, I don't know when it's going to happen. I've been increasingly comfortable until today, when the glitch with the guest threw me into a panic.

I was really sucking back the miller lights for the last segment.

Ace:

You did a whole show about a flight that al Qaeda did NOT hijack and which had NO al Qaeda members on board---just a panicy, half-deranged twink who now has a book about her un-hijacked, unthreatened, un-blown-up flight.

Y'know, I once rode in a taxi that COULD have been driven by an al Qaeda operative, and which COULD have had a truck full of explosives.

He wasn't and it didn't, but it COULD have happened.

So when do I get a fluff job your piece-of-shit show?

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

For shame.

The purpose of a probe isn't to hijack, or do anything technically illegal. It's to gather intelligence.

Mohammad Atta committed no crimes when on his dry-run a month before 9/11.

So when do I get a fluff job your piece-of-shit show?

I don't know. Maybe when you write something worth reading?

Slu:

Snopes not good enough for ya? Fine, I can accept that.

You could have examined the sources listed at the bottom of the article. Or you could read this or this. Or you could do your own damn google search instead of expecting me to spoonfeed it to you in easily digestable chunks.

OR...you can simply believe whatever anything she says with an almost religous fervor.

I think we all know which path you'll be taking.

hmmmm... Well, I can't argue with your sources.

Shit, you cited "lies.com." That's the gold f'n' standard, baby.

Tell me what Greg Palast thinks about this. That should settle it, at least as far as I'm concerned!

Gee, Don. Forgive me if I don't take what I read on blogs or in the paper as holy writ. Pretty frickin' ironic for you to be accusing anyone of having too much faith in sources.

I was simply saying Snopes wasn't a good source for your information, but since you bring it up, I think Jacobson's story is worth consideration.

The purpose of a probe isn't to hijack, or do anything technically illegal. It's to gather intelligence. Mohammad Atta committed no crimes when on his dry-run a month before 9/11.

That's even better! My hypothetical cab driver COULD have been just thinking about stuffing his trunk with explosives! He even COULD have thought about it while I was in the back seat! That's enough to devote a whole show to, right?

BTW, you do realize that the James Wood/Mohammad Atta story is bullshit, right? Or has the part of your brain devoted to critical thinking completely shut down?

Anybody ever notice that lefties tend to scoff at conservative sources, and then cite ultraleft wing soruces and expect you to take them as credible?

When I argue with lefties, I never cite Newsmax or the like as a reliable source. I know lefties don't consider them credible (and, given their partisan tilt, I can't say I blame them).

So in arguments with lefties I stick to the "conservative leaning" establishment papers, like the New York Times and Washington Post and Baltimore Sun.

And yet lefties continue citing "Buzzflash" to me, as if that should fuckin' mean a goddamned thing to me.

BTW, you do realize that the James Wood/Mohammad Atta story is bullshit, right?

Yes, I do realize that. After all, the FBI just interviewed him several times about it and began a formal investigation.

But I know it's bullshit, because rabidpartisanlefties.com says so.

So when do I get a fluff job your piece-of-shit show?

Depends. Do you have extensive experience fluffing?

Some people never do get to play in the big leagues, so to speak.

After all, the FBI just interviewed him several times about it and began a formal investigation.

Prove it.

For that matter, prove any goddamn thing you or your guest said during the hour I totally wasted.

It's YOUR show and YOUR guest. YOU---not me, not Mr. Palast, not Slu, YOU---should back up your claims with something other than "she said so."

When you start doing that, THEN you can question the sources of others. But not until, lazybones.

Ace: As far as the panic attack thing, I didn't notice. I thought you were fine. Don't sweat it.

It's YOUR show and YOUR guest. YOU---not me, not Mr. Palast, not Slu, YOU---should back up your claims with something other than "she said so."

Riiiiight... because Dianne Sawyers demands documentary proof for each of Hillary Clinton's warblings.

That's what an on-air interview is supposed to be-- a multimedia affair with supporting documents and, hopefully, PIE GRAPHS!!!!

Mmmmmm... pie graphs.

well, at least we agree that pie totally rocks...

So can I safety assume that you have no intention of proving a single goddamn statement made on your show?

well, at least we agree that pie totally rocks...

Oh, no. We can still disagree.

What KIND of pie?

So can I safety assume that you have no intention of proving a single goddamn statement made on your show?

Sure. I suggest you contact www.spencepublishing.com for full documentation, with supporting footnotes.

What a prick.

Slu:

I make a vegan chocolate bourbon pecan pie that would melt your socks, man.

"I was really sucking back the miller lights "

Now, that's what we like to hear here in Miller Land!

Well, the bourbon part sounds good. You'd have most of the readers of this site with that.

Incidentally, dumbass, the James Woods story predates Annie Jacobsen. It was all over the news after 9/11. Surprised you didn't hear about it.

Oh, I forgot. You were on Mars at the time, checking for evidence of Martian global warming.

Ew. Miller lite?

At least have the decency to drink a good beer.

can't. Adkins. Carbs are the enemy and all that.

BTW, Mr. Know-It-All totally discounts the facts the FLIGHT CREW thought something was amiss and had the authorities standing by when the plane landed. Don you're a real asshat.

I did go to www.spencepublishing.com and found a short, poorly-written except.

No documentation, no supporting footnotes.

So not only do you have no intention of proving a word you or your guest said, now you're lying AND passing the buck.

Lazy, drunk, and dishonest is no way to go through life, son.

Unless you plan on being a Bush appointee.

What a prick.

And you just noticed that now????!!!!

can't. Adkins. Carbs are the enemy and all that.

Fine

Damn, this reminds me. Out of beer.

BrewFan:

You're absolutely correct. The FLIGHT CREW did think something was amiss---namely, that some twink and her husband were throwing a hissyfit because brown-skinned people were taking a pee.

That's why the authorities dragged her ass off the plane and questioned her for an hour.

They also spoke to the brown-skinned gentlemen in question, who (let us not forget) turned out to be totally innocent of anything except the aforementioned pee.

For those who don't know this is Don Myers:

"Is there a prima facie case to be made for charging Michael Brown and George W. Bush with negligent homicide"

lol! You got the hit on your blog you were looking for now STFU Don.

"namely, that some twink and her husband were throwing a hissyfit because brown-skinned people were taking a pee."

You better stick to your baseless name calling because when you say stuff like this, anybody who read the account, whether they choose to believe it or not, knows you're now making stuff up.

"brown people"

Yeah, we're equally suspicious of coordinated actions by Hispanics and blacks... it's all about the racism.

Once again, it's a fictitious war combating a fictitious threat.

Its been fun Don but I have to leave to attend something more important then you; my hemorrhoids are acting up.

Will somebody please tell me when the expression "brown people" hit the zeitgeist, and who is responsible? I find it unbearably cute. It is so broad as to include, like, four-fifths of the world's population. It sounds like an expression you would use to describe teddy bears. And it has the ring of, "white people are such despicable xenophobes, they'll hate people with a good tan."

Well, George Hamilton is an asshole.

It's part of the liberal self-help therapy to imagine themselves as defenders of plants, animals, and brown people.

Yes, that's demeaning. I mean it to be. Because their whole life philosophy rests on that level of racial condescension-- they're Alec Baldwin in Ghosts of Mississippi, while "brown people" are secondary characters with very minor and passive roles who exist chiefly as objects for displaying their heroism.

Moral and intellectual heroism, I should specify.

Rarely the physical sort. Unless the battle in question involves keying an a parked SUV.

can't. Adkins. Carbs are the enemy and all that

God I miss beer.

can't. Adkins. Carbs are the enemy and all that.

I think I've demonstrated on repeated occasions that the modified beer+Atkins diet (my own creation) is a complete disaster.

Depends. Do you have extensive experience fluffing?

*raising hand* I will vouch for this person's fluffing talents.

Mr Ace - for the panic attacks, I heartily recommend a blender full of ruffie Slo Gin Fizzes. After plying my "dates" with those, none of them panic when I unzip my pants.

Will somebody please tell me when the expression "brown people" hit the zeitgeist, and who is responsible

Karl Rove.

No, just kidding. It was George Carlin. One of his standup routines included (paraphrased):

"And we love to bomb people. Especially brown people, oh we love to bomb them. And the bullets and bombs and missles are all shaped like dicks..."

And on and on in a similar vein, basically all about how the military is foolish and male overcompensation and other facile liberal bullshit. Carlin's funny, but the older he gets, the more unhinged he sounds.

Ah, I see you have caught the attention of indefatigable webtroll Don Myers. His asshattery is legend, and he always manages to wear out his welcome.

Ah, the internet -- so young, and yet it already has its own culture, myths, legends, and sadsack welfare class.

Whoops, wrong link in there -- I meant one of the links to go here. Don't mind the pink; it's just a defunct blog.

Sigh -- and that comment above was mine. Okay, time to make some caffeine. All I had was one Bass Ale, jeez...

myths, legends, and sadsack welfare class.

I wouldn't call it a welfare class per se.

Out in the real world half these moonbats would be picked up and checked into rubber rooms if they were muttering this kind of shit at a bus stop.

Ah! It's slamtastic comments sections like this one that keep me on the brink of getting shit-canned.

Thanks, folks!