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« George Galloway Incites Muslim World Against West | Main | Bush's Approval Rating For Handling Iraq Drops to 38%, Lowest Yet »
August 05, 2005

H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding Wounds

Two years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly.

This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose).

Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS.

Several students say he was "just joking around."

Content Warning.


Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini.

He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls.

He looks at me like I've got three heads.

"Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around."

"Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'."

"Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado."

Again, the strange look.

"Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."

"You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand.

"Just joking around." Hey, it works.

Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."

posted by Ace at 01:09 PM
Comments



"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky.""

Lol!

Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM

An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night...

Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM

He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power.

Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM

well, that took a turn I didn't see coming.

could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please?

Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM

And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole?

Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM

I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."

This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter.

Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Screen cleaning time again...

Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM

The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored.

How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment.

This site is just so much fun.

Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM

Michael,

Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it.

Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM

he can have mine

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
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Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.
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🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
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Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
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Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
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🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
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