Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact
Ace:aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries
The Morning Report — 6/ 2 /25
Daily Tech News 2 June 2025 Sunday Overnight Open Thread - June 1, 2025 [Doof] Gun Thread: 1st June and June 1st Edition! Food Thread: Baguettes And Gummies And Chicken (and other) Breasts! First World Problems... The Mullahs Are Playing A Long Game For Nuclear Weapons, And We Are Getting Fooled Sunday Morning Book Thread - 6-1-2025 ["Perfessor" Squirrel] Daily Tech News 1 June 2025 Saturday Night "Club ONT" May 31, 2025 [The 3 Ds] Absent Friends
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025 Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
Texas MoMe 2025: 10/17/2025-10/18/2025 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info |
« George Galloway Incites Muslim World Against West |
Main
| Bush's Approval Rating For Handling Iraq Drops to 38%, Lowest Yet »
August 05, 2005
H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding WoundsTwo years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly. This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose). Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS. Several students say he was "just joking around." Content Warning. Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini. He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls. He looks at me like I've got three heads. "Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around." "Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'." "Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado." Again, the strange look. "Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." "You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand. "Just joking around." Hey, it works. Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky." posted by Ace at 01:09 PM
Comments"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."" Lol! Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night... Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power. Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM
well, that took a turn I didn't see coming. could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please? Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM
And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole? Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM
I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter. Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM
HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screen cleaning time again... Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM
The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored. How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment. This site is just so much fun. Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM
Michael, Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it. Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM
he can have mine Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
Post a comment
| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Legacy media isn’t just fake news, it’s also full of Hamas-sourced, terrorist propaganda: Fox News, AP, CNN, Others Ran With Massive Hamas-Sourced Fake News, Then the Surveillance Video Came Out. “Multiple press outlets…ran with a report early Sunday morning claiming Israeli forces randomly opened fire on civilians gathered to collect aid. Sourced by ‘health officials’ and ‘witnesses,’ the claim involved dozens being killed and ‘at least’ 175 injured.” It wasn’t true. But our loathsome media wanted it to be true, so they reported it anyway. [Buck]
MORE COWBELL: TRUMP CHOPS TRADE DEFICIT IN HALF
Karoline Leavitt
HUGE: INFLATION FALLS TO 0.1%, OR 2.1% FOR THE YEAR -- JUST OVER THE FED'S 2.0% GOAL
Will the partisan fed chief continue insisting that he has to keep interest rates jacked up? Also remember that personal income is surging, apparently without creating too much price inflation
(Link Fixed) Glenn Reynolds on
Well, now they've heard it, and they've also heard that a lot of Americans resent the meritocrats' insulation from what's happening elsewhere, especially as America's unfortunate record over the past couple of decades, whether in economics, in politics, or in foreign policy, doesn't suggest that the "meritocracy" is overflowing with, you know, actual merit.
Biden on reports of his mental and physical decline: "I'm mentally incompetent, I can't walk, and I can beat the hell out of both of them"
By "both of them," he means Tapper and Thompson. Biden has been bragging he can beat people up for a long time. The older he gets, the bigger his Dementia Muscles get. I think he's trying to be sarcastic but he's finally telling the truth. More: REPORTER: There's also been a lot of discussion recently about your mental and physical capabilities while you were in office. Note that a "journalist" opened this line of questioning by asserting, WITHOUT EVIDENCE, that Biden "looks good" and "speaks powerfully." But how could they report that? Did they have insiders confirming that? Did they have a medical doctor certifying he "looks good" and "speaks powerfully?"
Biden gives shpeesh on "American democrashhy" which includes lots of unhinged yelling, a weird triple repetition of the same line, and coughing
Jake Tapper says you can't report that he continues to slur his words without a Democrat Party-approved expert confirming that he's slurring words, or a Biden insider admitting it
Forgotten "80s" Mystery Click
You are gold... and... silver! BTW, the movie is dogsh*t. You just saw the only three minutes worth watching.
Forgotten 70s Non-Musical Sci-Fi Mystery Click
Anyone remember this? The author licensed a bunch of covers from sci-fi books and packaged them as a supposed guide to Spacecraft: 2000 to 2100 AD, published by the "Terran Trade Authority," along with fictitious ship names and made-up specifications. ![]() ![]()
Finland 'preparing for the worst' amid major Russian military expansion
Would this be happening had we not brought Finland into NATO? [CBD]
Trans High School Track & Field Athlete Dominates, Qualifies For California State Finals In Multiple Events
And Governor Hair -Gel has done nothing! Way to kill your presidential aspirations! [CBD]
Seattle mayor condemns Christian concert as 'far-right rally' after Antifa militants stage violent protest
Seattle in the early running for 2025's Worst American City? [CBD]
Christian Toto: Variety Admits to Hollywood Blacklist 2.0, Doesn't Care [CBD]
From the tenacious Melanie Phillips: Blood on their hands "Canadian and British prime ministers Mark Carney and Sir Keir Starmer and French president Emmanuel Macron, praised by Hamas for denouncing Israel" [CBD]
It's Sherlock Holmes Day so I'll finally finish The Hound of the Baskervilles, I promise
Update: My kindle won't turn on. I'll try to finish it by next Sherlock Holmes Day Recent Comments
Elric the Bladiest Blade:
"‘ The uncertainty of science: Using the Webb ..."
Martini Farmer: "> The uncertainty of science: Using the Webb Space ..." OrangeEnt: "I gotta think that if 30% of the US strategic bomb ..." Huck Follywood: "The uncertainty of science: Using the Webb Space T ..." FenelonSpoke: "Scripture from the Old and New Testament to encour ..." Elric the Bladiest Blade: "Elric the Bladiest Blade Media interest is not ..." Apply gp Directly To Forehead: "I gotta think that if 30% of the US strategic bomb ..." OrangeEnt: "I assume that when they spot one that formed a cou ..." Hadrian the Seventh: " [i]Using the Webb Space Telescope, astronomers h ..." Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "Events like Colorado are going to continue until t ..." I used to have a different nic [/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[i]While 86 percent of Democrats said such relatio ..." Shadows: "[i]42 If civilization does collapse under the weig ..." Bloggers in Arms
RI Red's Blog! Behind The Black CutJibNewsletter The Pipeline Second City Cop Talk Of The Town with Steve Noxon Belmont Club Chicago Boyz Cold Fury Da Goddess Daily Pundit Dawn Eden Day by Day (Cartoon) EduWonk Enter Stage Right The Epoch Times Grim's Hall Victor Davis Hanson Hugh Hewitt IMAO Instapundit JihadWatch Kausfiles Lileks/The Bleat Memeorandum (Metablog) Outside the Beltway Patterico's Pontifications The People's Cube Powerline RedState Reliapundit Viking Pundit WizBang Some Humorous Asides
Kaboom!
Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
|