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August 05, 2005

H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding Wounds

Two years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly.

This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose).

Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS.

Several students say he was "just joking around."

Content Warning.

Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini.

He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls.

He looks at me like I've got three heads.

"Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around."

"Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'."

"Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado."

Again, the strange look.

"Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."

"You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand.

"Just joking around." Hey, it works.

Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."

posted by Ace at 01:09 PM

"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky.""


Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM

An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night...

Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM

He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power.

Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM

well, that took a turn I didn't see coming.

could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please?

Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM

And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole?

Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM

I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."

This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter.

Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM


Screen cleaning time again...

Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM

The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored.

How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment.

This site is just so much fun.

Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM


Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it.

Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM

he can have mine

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
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