Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!
Recent Entries
Friday's ONT Has a Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi
Leveling Up to a Ph.D.: Scholar Examines Racial and Gender Roles in, Get This, Dungeons & Dragons
Darkly Conspiratorial Hillary Clinton: "I Knew They Would Never Let Me Be President"
Byron York: Trump's Demand for "Loyalty" Looks Different Now, Given That His First Meeting With Comey Consisted of Comey Basically Saying "We Have a Document Claiming You Paid Whores to Pee on Each Other and All the Media Wants Us to Help Them Publish It"
Justice Department "Reviewing" At Least Two of the Memos Comey Leaked to His Pal To Leak to the NYT, For Possible Violations of Classified Material Law
"Collusion" Narrative Skeptics a Year Ago: Was The Dossier Briefing Just a Set-Up to Give CNN a News Hook to Run the Dossier Story They Otherwise Could Not?
Comey Memo: I Told the President "CNN Was Looking for a News Hook" for the Dossier
McCabe, Now Criminally Referred by the OIG For Possible Prosecution for Making False Statements, Suing Trump for Defamation?
Duke "Student" Activists Hijack Alumni Event; Are Shocked to Find the People Whose Event They Hijacked Criticizing and Jeering Them; Whine That the People Who's Event They Hijacked Should Have Made Them Feel Safe
The Morning Rant
Mid-Morning Open Thread
Leveling Up to a Ph.D.: Scholar Examines Racial and Gender Roles in, Get This, Dungeons & Dragons
Darkly Conspiratorial Hillary Clinton: "I Knew They Would Never Let Me Be President"
Byron York: Trump's Demand for "Loyalty" Looks Different Now, Given That His First Meeting With Comey Consisted of Comey Basically Saying "We Have a Document Claiming You Paid Whores to Pee on Each Other and All the Media Wants Us to Help Them Publish It"
Justice Department "Reviewing" At Least Two of the Memos Comey Leaked to His Pal To Leak to the NYT, For Possible Violations of Classified Material Law
"Collusion" Narrative Skeptics a Year Ago: Was The Dossier Briefing Just a Set-Up to Give CNN a News Hook to Run the Dossier Story They Otherwise Could Not?
Comey Memo: I Told the President "CNN Was Looking for a News Hook" for the Dossier
McCabe, Now Criminally Referred by the OIG For Possible Prosecution for Making False Statements, Suing Trump for Defamation?
Duke "Student" Activists Hijack Alumni Event; Are Shocked to Find the People Whose Event They Hijacked Criticizing and Jeering Them; Whine That the People Who's Event They Hijacked Should Have Made Them Feel Safe
The Morning Rant
Mid-Morning Open Thread
Moron Meet-Ups
Listen up Colorado Morons: Saturday May 5th: Cinco de Quattro Colorado Morondezvous. Email:
acewestminsterdogshow at the gmail for details.
acewestminsterdogshow at the gmail for details.
« George Galloway Incites Muslim World Against West |
Main
| Bush's Approval Rating For Handling Iraq Drops to 38%, Lowest Yet »
August 05, 2005
H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding Wounds
Two years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly.
This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose).
Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS.
Several students say he was "just joking around."
Content Warning.
Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini.
He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls.
He looks at me like I've got three heads.
"Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around."
"Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'."
"Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado."
Again, the strange look.
"Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."
"You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand.
"Just joking around." Hey, it works.
Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."
posted by Ace at 01:09 PM
Comments"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky.""
Lol!
Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night...
Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power.
Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM
well, that took a turn I didn't see coming.
could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please?
Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM
And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole?
Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM
I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado."
This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter.
Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM
HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Screen cleaning time again...
Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM
The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored.
How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment.
This site is just so much fun.
Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM
Michael,
Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it.
Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM
he can have mine
Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
Post a comment
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
The DC Establishment Class is Vouching as a Group for Robert Mueller's Uncompromising Probity. This Despite the Anthrax Investigation Bungling, Letting Sandy "Socks" Berger Skate With Barely a Slap on the Wrist, Maliciously Prosecuting Scooter Libby While Ignoring the Real (and Known) Leaker Richard Armitage, Railroading Sitting Senator Ted Stevens on a Conviction Later Tossed Out by a Judge, and Investigating a Phantom Ring of ISRAELI SPIES Operating out of the Pentagon
As Zed said in Men In Black: "You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training."
As Zed said in Men In Black: "You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training."
Homeowners Use a Handgun and an AR-15 to Defend Themselves from a Home Invasion of a Gang of Seven Pretending to be Sheriff's Deputies
Wait, I thought AR-15s were a special kind of "assault weapon" that could only be used by criminals to shoot civilians
Wait, I thought AR-15s were a special kind of "assault weapon" that could only be used by criminals to shoot civilians
How Can You Trust the New York Times When Even Its List of Bestsellers Is #FakeNews?
When previously sued for publishing a false list of best sellers, they pled the defense, successfully, that the Bestseller List was not intended as an actual list of bestsellers but was just an "editorial product." Now (that lawsuit in the past) they are back to claiming it's a real bestseller list -- but if so, why is Jordan Peterson not on it? Nor Dennis Prager's big-selling guide on the Bible? Maybe time for another lawsuit.
When previously sued for publishing a false list of best sellers, they pled the defense, successfully, that the Bestseller List was not intended as an actual list of bestsellers but was just an "editorial product." Now (that lawsuit in the past) they are back to claiming it's a real bestseller list -- but if so, why is Jordan Peterson not on it? Nor Dennis Prager's big-selling guide on the Bible? Maybe time for another lawsuit.
Would Reporters Be Able to Live Up the Standards of Disclosure They Urge For Sean Hannity?
Anyone think Fusion GPS' many, many agents (some paid, by Fusion's admission, for "research") are gonna come clean about their own conflicts?
Anyone think Fusion GPS' many, many agents (some paid, by Fusion's admission, for "research") are gonna come clean about their own conflicts?
North Korea Suspending ICBM, Nuke Tests Until Trump Meeting
Meh -- bear in mind, they've done all this crap before.
Meh -- bear in mind, they've done all this crap before.
Broward Sheriffs Union Holding a No Confidence Vote on Scott Israel
To clarify: They could vote for confidence, too. But it's almost unheard of to even hold such a vote.
To clarify: They could vote for confidence, too. But it's almost unheard of to even hold such a vote.
Shocking: The Failing Restaurant Aboard the Cuck Cruise Line Refuses to Update Its Ancient Recipes
As the left keeps taking our right to free speech away, David French will continue reprinting the same column about never doing the same to them. I'd like one of these #FakeNewsIntellectuals to answer the question, one time: If this same trope has not produced positive results as regards our right to free expression the last five years, the last ten million time these pieties have been ritually uttered, what are the odds that this time it will do the trick?
Or is worrying about our own rights and privileges and Americans something that "True Conservatives" aren't supposed to do? Are we only supposed to worry about the rights of David French's leftwing palz?
The only passion the #FakeNews conservatives show on free speech issues is when a leftist's free speech rights are threatened -- or one of their cocktail circuit pals', like Kevin Williamson and Bari Weiss.
Has David French roused himself to write a single word about Lauren Southern being banned from England for passing out an "Allah is gay" pamphlet? Is she not in The Club? Does England's actions not sufficiently threaten David French's career aspirations to write for a leftist journal?
As the left keeps taking our right to free speech away, David French will continue reprinting the same column about never doing the same to them. I'd like one of these #FakeNewsIntellectuals to answer the question, one time: If this same trope has not produced positive results as regards our right to free expression the last five years, the last ten million time these pieties have been ritually uttered, what are the odds that this time it will do the trick?
Or is worrying about our own rights and privileges and Americans something that "True Conservatives" aren't supposed to do? Are we only supposed to worry about the rights of David French's leftwing palz?
The only passion the #FakeNews conservatives show on free speech issues is when a leftist's free speech rights are threatened -- or one of their cocktail circuit pals', like Kevin Williamson and Bari Weiss.
Has David French roused himself to write a single word about Lauren Southern being banned from England for passing out an "Allah is gay" pamphlet? Is she not in The Club? Does England's actions not sufficiently threaten David French's career aspirations to write for a leftist journal?
Prediction from "LoveBreedsAccountability:" Because Jake Tapper Knows Comey is a Sinking Ship Who's Damaged His Own Credibility, and That Going Easy on Clapper Will Damage the Only Thing That Matters to Tapper (His Post-Salon Career), Tapper Will "Bravely" Give Him a Tough Interview (and Collect All the Usual Plaudits From the Ususal Suspects on the Right)
"And rather than wait for it to happen and then get annoyed when I see everyone singing his praises, I figured I’d get out front this time around and tell you exactly what to expect. And why it shouldn’t make a lick of difference to you relative to Jake Tapper’s credibility. He’s a Democrat propagandist masquerading as an impartial journalist, and that he spends 1% of his time trying to disprove that reality falls wildly short of actually doing so."
He also links a list of Tapper's greatest partisan hits
"And rather than wait for it to happen and then get annoyed when I see everyone singing his praises, I figured I’d get out front this time around and tell you exactly what to expect. And why it shouldn’t make a lick of difference to you relative to Jake Tapper’s credibility. He’s a Democrat propagandist masquerading as an impartial journalist, and that he spends 1% of his time trying to disprove that reality falls wildly short of actually doing so."
He also links a list of Tapper's greatest partisan hits
A resident of The Swamp to face prosecution? Wait and see. Personally, I'm not holding my breath. [Mis. Hum.]
Joe Rogan Podcast with Colion Noir Discusses Guns, NRA, Gun Control, Media, Censorship, Mass Shootings, Hollywood Fun stuff, and worth a listen.[CBD]
McKayla Maroney: Larry Nasser Molested Me Hundreds of Times, At Every Single Visit for Treatment, Since I Was 13; I Don't Know if My Olympic Career Was Even Worth It
McKayla's disappointed face at receiving the silver no longer seems funny -- it seems like a girl wondering if putting up with constant molestation by a pedophile was really worth it just to win second place
McKayla's disappointed face at receiving the silver no longer seems funny -- it seems like a girl wondering if putting up with constant molestation by a pedophile was really worth it just to win second place
Secret drug raid by feds backfires in Portland: 'Someone could have been killed' "The "sneak-and-peek" warrants, as they’re more commonly called, allow investigators to search a house, car, computer, other property or item, seize evidence and not tell anyone until much later." Because we don't have enough secrecy in government! [CBD]
Breaking: Barbara Bush dead at 92
Recent Comments
TheQuietMan:
"DWAYNE 'THE ROCK' JOHNSON THROWS HIS SUPPORT TO NF ..."
Tonypete: "Evening Horde! ..."
junior: "@7 I climbed Mt. Everest by accident once. They sa ..."
Deplorable Jay Guevara [/i][/b][/s]: "[i]signs in lots of restrooms in restaurants in ny ..."
BigZesty: "Delurking to say I read the last thread and you pe ..."
Anna Puma (HQCaR): "Okay the guy getting chased off the boat by the ma ..."
FireHorse: "Cool camera obscura, Ahmed! ..."
votermom certified russian matryoshka bot: "I was walking Mr Dognabbit this morning and stoppe ..."
Surfperch: "Top 20? ..."
redridinghood: "Wikipedia has already updated Allison Mack's Wiki ..."
that meddling fluffy: "'Sup, Peeps? ..."
ThePrimordialOrderedPair: "[i]DWAYNE 'THE ROCK' JOHNSON THROWS HIS SUPPORT TO ..."
Tonypete: "Evening Horde! ..."
junior: "@7 I climbed Mt. Everest by accident once. They sa ..."
Deplorable Jay Guevara [/i][/b][/s]: "[i]signs in lots of restrooms in restaurants in ny ..."
BigZesty: "Delurking to say I read the last thread and you pe ..."
Anna Puma (HQCaR): "Okay the guy getting chased off the boat by the ma ..."
FireHorse: "Cool camera obscura, Ahmed! ..."
votermom certified russian matryoshka bot: "I was walking Mr Dognabbit this morning and stoppe ..."
Surfperch: "Top 20? ..."
redridinghood: "Wikipedia has already updated Allison Mack's Wiki ..."
that meddling fluffy: "'Sup, Peeps? ..."
ThePrimordialOrderedPair: "[i]DWAYNE 'THE ROCK' JOHNSON THROWS HIS SUPPORT TO ..."
Bloggers in Arms
American Digest
The Anchoress
Belmont Club
Betsy's Page
The Bitch Girls
BizzyBlog
Blackfive, Paratrooper of Love
Blonde Sagacity
California Conservative
Chicago Boyz
Classical Values
Cold Fury
The Country Store
Cowboy Blob
Cranky Neocon
Da Goddess
Daily Lunch
Daily Pundit
The Daily Recycler (Vidblog)*
Daleks Weblog
Daly Thoughts
Ilyka Damen
Damn the Man
Dave Munger
Dave's Not Here
Dawn Eden
Day by Day (Cartoon)
DefenseTech
Demure Thoughts
EduWonk
Enter Stage Right
Eternity Road
Dean Esmay
The Fat Guy
File It Under
FloridaCracker
Ghost of a Flea
Grim's Hall
Hell in a Handbasket
Victor Davis Hanson
Hugh Hewitt
The House of Payne
IMAO
Instapundit
Iowahawk
JamieR (Classics)
JihadWatch
Just One Minute
Kausfiles
Le Sabot Post-Moderne
Lileks/The Bleat
Likelihood of Confusion Law Blog
Michelle Malkin
Memeorandum (Metablog) Mind of Mog
My Pet Jawa
Oh, That Liberal Media
Outside the Beltway
Patterico's Pontifications
The Perfect World (Discussion Forum)
The People's Cube
New Hampshire Review
Powerline
Protein Wisdom
The Pundit Guy
Q & O
RedState
Reliapundit
Riehl Worldview (Carnivorous Conservative)
Say Anything Blog
Scrappleface
Seraphic Press
Roger L. Simon
Six Meat Buffet
Slublog
Ten Fingers Six Strings
Traction Control/US Citizen
Two Crackas in My Soup
Twisted Spinster
An Unamplified Voice (Music/Opera)
Velociworld
Viking Pundit
The Wardrobe Door
White Pebble (Politics/Poetry)
Whitney Gaskell (Author)
Michael Williams/Master of None
WizBang
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Archives
- April 2018
- March 2018
- February 2018
- January 2018
- December 2017
- November 2017
- October 2017
- September 2017
- August 2017
- July 2017
- June 2017
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- February 2017
- January 2017
- December 2016
- November 2016
- October 2016
- September 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- April 2016
- March 2016
- February 2016
- January 2016
- December 2015
- November 2015
- October 2015
- September 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005
- August 2005
- July 2005
- June 2005
- May 2005
- April 2005
- March 2005
- February 2005
- January 2005
- December 2004
- November 2004
- October 2004
- September 2004
- August 2004
- July 2004
- June 2004
- May 2004
- April 2004
- December 0000
Contact