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A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
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August 05, 2005
H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding WoundsTwo years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly. This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose). Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS. Several students say he was "just joking around." Content Warning. Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini. He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls. He looks at me like I've got three heads. "Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around." "Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'." "Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado." Again, the strange look. "Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." "You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand. "Just joking around." Hey, it works. Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky." posted by Ace at 01:09 PM
Comments"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."" Lol! Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night... Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power. Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM
well, that took a turn I didn't see coming. could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please? Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM
And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole? Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM
I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter. Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM
HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screen cleaning time again... Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM
The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored. How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment. This site is just so much fun. Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM
Michael, Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it. Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM
he can have mine Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC) has died after a "brief and sudden illness." [Buck]
The "Evel Knievel Experience," a museum dedicated to the famous daredevil, opens in (where else) Las Vegas
Well I guess they could have opened it on the Snake Canyon.
In response to someone asking why the video tape doesn't show Tyler Robinson's face (PS, it does, but it's crappy video so it's blurry):
Candace OwensFor such an "open and shut case" they have thus far provided ZERO evidence of anything outside of a criminal government conspiracy, the likes of which hasn't been seen since the JFK assassination.
More "fedslop" that Cavernous Nostrils is too smart to be taken in by:
Blake Neff Fenix Ammunition Post here, showing Tyler Robinson's ammunition, matching this guy's own box. And it is an expanding-tip hollow-point round. Boy these Internet Experts (TM) sure do get a lot of things wrong.
Lost 70s Mystery Click
And a song with another song as an intro, too: Be it sight, sound, smell, or touch There's something Inside that we need so much The sight of a touch, or the scent of a sound Or the strength of an oak with roots deep in the ground The wonder of flowers to be covered and then to burst up Thru tarmac, to the sun again Boy do they look like absolute dorks.
Lost 70s Mystery Click
Doing alright A little jiving on a Saturday night And come what may Gonna dance the day away Jenny was sweet She always smiled for the people she'd meet On trouble and strife She had another way of looking at life
RIP Lord Humungus
[CBD]
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
It happened one summer, it happened one time It happened forever, for a short time A place for a moment, an end to dream Forever I loved you, forever it seemed One summer never ends, one summer never began It keeps me standing still, it takes all my will
An Update about Grammie Winger:
She is doing poorly...she is in the hospital and is having a tough go of it. She would love to hear from you folks, so anyone who would like to contact her is welcome to her address! Please contact Bluebell at moroncookbook@gmail.com for her contact info. (I expect her local post office to be furious with us!) [CBD] Recent Comments
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Emmie: "182 "melt one tbs [b]butter[/b] per egg" ..." gKWVE: "That Twitter post is more faked than an Iranian vi ..." JackStraw: ">>US missiles heading from Kuwait to Iran minutes ..." Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _: "@CENTCOM - 1h At 5 p.m. ET today, U.S. Central ..." SMH at God's mercy: "US missiles heading from Kuwait to Iran minutes ag ..." Stephen Price Blair: "Remember that the greatest meal is the one y ..." Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _: "PSA: @Osint613 - 16m US missiles heading from ..." Idaho Spudboy: ""more faked" = "phonier" I knew there was a bet ..." 13times: "Counterfeit for Murder. Posted by: Elinor, Who ..." Idaho Spudboy: "Mitch McConnell is not dead yet tinyurl.com/3fknd ..." Emmie: "Creamed eggs: melt about 1 tbs per egg in a pan, ..." Bloggers in Arms
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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