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The Morning Report — 7/23/25
Daily Tech News 23 July 2025 Tuesday Overnight Open Thread - July 22, 2025 [scampydog] Duet for Piano and Cock Cafe Media Pushes Another Completely-Fabricated Hoax on Country Columbia Finally Suspends "Students" Involved in Library Putsch Treasonous Coup Organizer Barack Hussein Obama Releases Statement Denying His Treachery Father of Heavy Metal Ozzy Osbourne Dies at Age 76 Scott Pinsker: CBS's Decision to Leave Colbert On the Air Even Though He's Cancelled Puts Them In a Stinky Howard-Stern Hole Mollie Hemingway Exclusive: Top Career Intelligence Officials Objected to Brennan's Partisan Russiagate Claim, Brennan Overruled Them Absent Friends
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August 05, 2005
H.S. Coach (and Science Teacher) Reprimanded... For Licking Players' Bleeding WoundsTwo years' probation. For licking the bleeding wounds of minors. Repeatedly. This science teacher will also have to attend classes on the dangers of blood-borne pathogens (and saliva-borne pathogens as well, I suppose). Because, I guess, he's never heard of malaria. Or, you know, AIDS. Several students say he was "just joking around." Content Warning. Like the other day I'm hanging out with my friend Stinky. We're both eating lunch at Starbucks, and are enjoying the budget-priced $18.00 eggplant panini. He bends over to slip his laptop back into its case. I reach my hand up his shorts and begin fondling his dirty, sweaty balls. He looks at me like I've got three heads. "Dude," I say, "I'm sooo totally joking around." "Oh," he chuckles, as I continue pumping his jockey-plums. "At first I didn't get it. Now I see it's kind of 'witty'." "Totally," I say. "And later on I'm going to rape you with an avacado." Again, the strange look. "Joking!" I say again, and he laughs. I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." "You're such a kidder," he says as we exit, my hand still up his shorts, extending the "comedy riff" for as long as possible. I stealthily slip the avacodo out of my backpack and into my right hand. "Just joking around." Hey, it works. Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky." posted by Ace at 01:09 PM
Comments"Thanks to Dave in Texas, or, as I call him, "Stinky."" Lol! Posted by: BrewFan on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
An avocado? I think you gripped that from a movie I saw last night... Posted by: fat kid on August 5, 2005 01:31 PM
He should have got a dog to do it. Dogs have the healing power. Posted by: Guy T. on August 5, 2005 01:36 PM
well, that took a turn I didn't see coming. could we find a vegetable with a smaller pit? please? Posted by: Dave in Starbucks on August 5, 2005 02:09 PM
And afterwards do you have a cigarette and guacamole? Posted by: on August 5, 2005 03:31 PM
I add, "But I really am going to rape you with an avacado." This was the point I crapped my pants with laughter. Posted by: Pompous on August 5, 2005 04:20 PM
HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screen cleaning time again... Posted by: Dogstar on August 5, 2005 04:22 PM
The strange thing about this post is that we all recognize that Dave in Texas has been honored. How wierd is that? Normally, when someone talks about shoving an avocado up your ass, it is not considered a compliment. This site is just so much fun. Posted by: Michael on August 6, 2005 12:29 AM
Michael, Stick around long enough and maybe Ace will find a pineapple with your name on it. Posted by: TheDude on August 6, 2005 01:28 AM
he can have mine Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 6, 2005 08:31 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Malcolm Jamal-Warner, the son on The Cosby Show, dies of drowning at age 54: reports
Warner was in Costa Rica on a family vacation and drowned while swimming near Cocles after allegedly being caught by a high current on Sunday afternoon. The incident occurred between 2 and 2:30 p.m. local time.
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
Hint: Chopper noises on an oscillator/synthesizer City nights, summer breeze makes you feel all right Neon lights, shining brightly, make your brain ignite See the girls with the dresses so tight Give you love Give you love if the price is right Black or white, in the streets, there's no wrong and no right, no!
Jay Guevara Obituary [PDF]
Russia: Commercial satellite constellations providing help to the Ukraine are now targets Well, this might get sporty! [CBD]
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BILL TO DEFUND NPR, PBS AND PASS DOGE CUTS INTO LAW PASSES PROCEDURAL VOTES WITH JD VANCE CASTING TIE-BREAKER VOTE... MURKOWSKI, COLLINS, AND McCONNELL (THE GREAT CONSERVATIVE) VOTED WITH THE LIBERALS TO CONTINUE FUNDING NPR AND PBS
If I understand this right, the bill now goes to the full Senate for ten hours of debate, and then we pass it. Video of the vote
Susie Wiles brings calm to Trump admin -- helping the president rack up wins When was the last time you saw her name in the media? Is it possible that the grownups are now in charge? [CBD]
Update on Jasmine Ratchet: The DEI Dum-Dumb is eyeing a Senate run, because why should Robert Francis "Beto" O'Rourke get paid millions every two years to get blown out in the Texas senatorial election? Shouldn't she get some of that sweet sweet Act Blue graft?
Crockett addressed the possibility in an Instagram post where she said she would make a decision "depending on how many people reach out," but that her main focus has been legislating in the House of Representatives. The Republican Senatorial Committee claims that she's ahead? LOL, that might be a little troll-poll.
Rubio imposes sanctions on UN's Albanese over 'political, economic warfare' against Israel, US [CBD]
Forgotten 90s Mystery Click: When Grunge Ruled the Earth
Did you hear the distant cry Calling me back to my sins? Like the one you knew before Calling me back once again
Vlogging the Revolutionary War
[Hat Tip: Vox Clamantis] [CBD] ![]()
NeverTrump Nebraska Congressman Don Bacon throws in the towel, won't seek reelection in 2026
I wonder if he's the one who complained about the BBB imposing work requirements on able-bodied adults without children for Medicaid. Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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