Black flag is hoisted;
Three disastrous weeks later,
White flag is hoisted.

Allah says three weeks
Ace *and* Karol? Together?
Fatty says 10 mins...

Panic Attack hits
Ace gibbers like a retarded baboon
Karol takes over: tedium.

You thought Jeff was bad?
Think sub moronic retards
And Ace, with a mic

Hoist the Black Flag show
Makes Ace t-shirt sales look like
A monster success

All the boards are lit
which button is for Line 1?
the humanity...

Ace's radio show:
Think Air America, but
with less listeners

Umm, ummm, uhhh, ummm, hmmm;
Mmmmhmmm, um um um yeah. Uh-
Huh. Let's take a call.

Pressure, such intense
Pressure. Time to double up
On the Klonopin.

We hear Karol cough.
Ace stutters "Uhh-am I on?"
Static, then dead air.

Did I just say f*ck?
Oh f*ck I just f*ckin said
f*ck, Karol! We're f*cked!

The only caller
Just called to talk about Pure
Herbal Viagra

Not since hindenburg
When humanity grieved so
Have I cried so hard

(continuing with the hindenburg theme)

Ace, on F'n fire
Kind of like the hindenburg
disaster times ten

invective sound streams
digital descent into hell
life is just static

Flopsweat dripping
Visions of JeffG
It's showtime!

From now on, we'll call
casting pearls before blog-swine,
'Pulling a Malkin'

Friends stunned into silence
Merciless reviews
Sound of Bill cackling

The MSM says
We're submoronic blogtards
Hoist the black flag high

Ace doesn't listen
To the wisdom of Megan
Drinks beers again, not Scotch.

***

Yeah, I suck at this.

Word from the producer
No beer or I will hunt you down and kill you
nothing but Jolt Cola and No-Doz

See, she didn't say
"No Scotch for Ace and Karol!"
She is wise, like M.

Just say no to drugs
So sayeth the producer
(Instead, snort rit'lin)

Didn't read the last line
In logorrheic haiku:
"Ace stays sober, ditz!"

***

Chastened.

Net radio bites.
I don't intend to listen
For I have a life.

Ace writes very well.
If I want to hear complaints
I'll stick to reading.

If I hear him speak
It may ruin the impression
I have in my head...

...Of a keen, sharp man
With the wit of Will Rogers
And James Earl Jones' voice.

I may tune in soon
In a month or two when they're
No longer sucking.

Later,
bbeck

A f*ckin' Viking
Seduced by netradio
Now comes the trainwreck

Pirate Radio
Ace hoists the Black Flag!
Naargh! Liberals walk the plank!
Prepare to be bored!

Crickets in the Fog
Uh, is this thing on?
Refresh the browser, again.
Still only crickets.

Fuckin' Hammer Time
Ace hammer slices
Each issue a fuckin' nail
Oh Ow! His poor thumb.

MSM Cycle
Shock: Ace hates story
Blames media bias!
It's all so simple

Shock: where's the story?
Why are they not running it?
Ace links L. A. Times.

won't be listening
have much better things to do
like watching flies f*ck

Andrew Sullivan
sucks less ass than Ace of Spades
gobsmackingly vile

A broadcasting first;
Live abortion, set off with
Wacky sound effects

Val-U-Rite Vodka
Guzzled in large quantities
Will not dull the pain

when I start to hear
the slide-whistle and kazoo
I'll switch to Bill's show

"...We're taking calls!" Bzzzz.
Ace, blog-whoring desperately,
links Arianna.

First shocked, then appalled
by Ace and Karol. Filled with heart-ache,
Sully smacks his gob.

How many callers
will use their alotted time
hitting on Michelle?

Ace declares success
Is that the phone ringing?
One caller today

Klonopin and Scotch?
Absolute necessity.
Not Ace, dummy. Us.

Ace masturbates horse
Is that such a bad thing?
Michelle turns bluish

DRUDGE EXCLUSIVE screams:
TURNERTIMEWARNERSONY:
Still haven't hired Ace.

Why do the callers--
Smitty, Johnny Coldcuts--sound
exactly like Ace?

Ace thinks "Let them vent--
come showtime, they'll be nicer!"
Not a chance, card boy

May flowers blooming
Ace on a radio show
all wither quickly

I hope Ace's show
Is as good as "Riding the
Bus With My Sister"

Valet not legal
Michelle calls INS
Short one employee

hoisting the black flag
Ace, talentless but pirate
watch yer cornhole boys

compos cannot spell
must listen to Ace's show
harshest punishment

If Cedarford calls
Tell him Ace is in the can
That's good radio

Right Talk Radio
Said not to drop the f-bomb
One time and you're toast

Breezy underroos

These are f'ing great!
Hoist the Black flag has no hope
of touching this shit.

Jeff and Bill crank call
Malkin, Taranto both bail
"Um... uh... um... Karol?"

Black banner waving!
Ace of Spades speaking big words!
Train wreck happens soon.

;)

The show can still slice.
A hammer can be just a tool.
Do not be a tool.

Cocksucker readers
harass me at every turn
suck my left one, twats

We did not know how
To weep like f*'ing Vikings
Until Ace did this show

Radio flame thread
is Ace's inoculant
against self-esteem

eat my shorts
Just got a Malkolanche
don't need a damn thing from you cocksuckers.

Can't believe this dork
thinks he's a celebrity.
Malkin f'n DWARFS you

of course she dwarfs me, dummy
I don't brag about "Dave-O-Lanches"
'sides, I could take her in a fight... unless she knows kung fu

cocksucker readers
think they're accountants
I don't care how many syllables I pack into a single line of my "haikus," so help yourselves to a nice tall glass of shut your filthy fuckin' hole juice

Ah, the subtle spare beauty of
Ace's bullshit fake Haiku's remind us all
what a dork he is.

Taranto didn't mention
his impending appearance
on your upcoming show

Wonder why?

Bottled Fury
"Don't fucking need you!"
Ace cries alone in his room.
Value-rite Vodka

Not Even the Chair
I'm King of the World!
I am I, the Ace of Spades!
Why has no one called?

This radio show
could lead to fame and fortune
if Ace didn't spend half the day hyperventilating into a paper bag

Dreaming
Here is my number,
Call me Thursday afternoon.
Michelle says to Ace.

Cocksuckers unite
A nerve has been hit
Don't ask if can't take

It starts with a link
Ace sunk Ariana too
Malkin seek high ground

Vodka Break
Need break to calm down,
"Back after these messages."
"What!?! Fuck, no sponsors."

Oh-so-clever Ace
grabs the mike: "We start f-bombing
in five minutes..."

Fat Kid is confused
Are these fools live-blogging here?
Loose shit all around

I prefer haiku
To the Ace radio show
It's over quicker

Flames
Hindenburgian
Oh the inhumanity!
Haikus roast Ace's ass

Ace calls for flaming
Haiku war and then complains.
Suck it. Suck it dry.

Ace scores big time names
Readers predict gloomy outcome
Done all in good fun

"Iron Bars Do Not a Jail Make"

Though my body is imprisoned
I am free to explore new worlds: GURPS.
I wish I made my save against sodomy.

I'd write this out in haiku format, but seriously, I'm not going to waste my time formatting it for you on this moronblog. So call it free flowing prose, and go fuck yourself.

Ace gets Malkin to chat on his nerdy show
Internet radio bites ass
Go craaaaaazy on her Ace, that's good radio.
Bonus points for mentioning Betsy
Rosie O'Gump skit might quadruple your listeners
To four.
A coked up Pat O'Brien, thinks Beth is hot

potty mouthed host
with the slip of Ace's tongue
he is in deep shit

call us cocksuckers
homosexuality
latent projection

don't let him fool you
can you say masochism?
Ace loves his readers

ace just wants some love
he was a reject in school
now needs affirmation

"Useless Items"

A roll of tape with just an inch left
pencils shaved down to nubs
twisted paperclips. SeanM.

Spring rains fall softly
Like tears from the ace of spades.
Sand in vagina.

"Not So Secret Admirer"

Tinkerbelle calls me a loser
We all know what's going on here
She'd do me in a red-hot minute.

Ace? Fooling no one
Hardcore BDSM freak
He love attention

"Fat Kid"

He started a blog
He got other people to write it for him
Like Wonkette, except not as funny.

lauging my ass off
this shit is too damned funny
break a leg tomorrow

Where's the AV club?
To f*ck Ace's dirty mouth
Just like the vikings

"The New JeffB"

DMan worries that Ace is hurt
He's really very sensitive
Like a vagina after Spring Break.

You dis the fatness
He's the only one with love
In this entire post

(See above - heh)

Other useless items:

Polaroid camera
lighter with 3 drops of butane

Workday over now
Funny how they use the word work
Internet. Firing.

ace, man of mystery
I would do you in a red hot
until that Spring Break crap

My fantasy of Ace
has come to a tragic end
I now focus on Dave

Bubba
Jail house sodomy
And GURPS can be humorous
The first hundred times

Not that my butt hurts
Still, these years and miles later,
The joke is just stale.

An unhopeful sign
For your upcoming Webcast
You were once so quick.

tinkerbelle's a man
bologna/sausage menu
ace wonders...dessert?

"Make the Mean Boys Stop"

VonKreedon, you fucking moron
It's going to be funny until we have flying cars
Deal with it, you GURPS GM-ing jailhouse bitch.

"Sausage Surprise"

Didn't know Tinkerbelle was a dude.
Doesn't matter. Half of the guys on this site
would do me, gay or straight. Homos.

He started it!
"No skin off my nose."
Ace holds spite cut nose to see,
Yep, all better now

Tink would do fat kid
on a hot steaming day
if not for his oozing genital warts

"The Coming of Darkness Surprises a Retard Every Single Night"

Did you really think I would let
you cocksuckers bust chops without payback?
*Someone* here has to be funny.

Ace, my little friend
I can't believe out of 50 sperm
you were the quickest

Godot
Cri de coeur from Ace,
Someone has to be funny!
If only Ace could.

I don't like this haiku crap. Can't we just insult each other without straining ourselves?

Ace thought he was smart
And could run the show himself
But so did Fredo.

On the air heart-ache?
Fun with a capital "fu."
Radioactive.

tinkerbelle lacks style
5-7-5, the way it is
you ghonorric tart

I said it before;
Now I'm saying it again.
This is funny shit.

i would throw fat kid
an insult but he isn't
smart enough to notice

fatty don't take personal
it ain't the size ...
no, it is the size

Hoist the black flag
chaos, panic, destruction
Ace's work is done

first to break the rules
haiku loser has been found
it is tinkerbelle

Advertisers read
this thread, then swear like Ace's mom
Bought pig in a poke!

Don't worry tinker
I spoke with your SpEd teacher
You're still a moron

Ace writes haikus like
A broken barcode reader:
They just do not scan.

I hate these frickin' haiku
painful memories of boyfriends past
who wrote stupid love haikus

boys suck

tinky tinker tink
come o'er and play with my dink
now, watch as you're dump't

(i keeed i keeed)

Our first caller! Who's on line #1 asks Ace...

Johnny blogs no more
Coldcuts will have his revenge
a dish best served cold

Kid, must I repeat
it ain't the size..it's
no, it is the size

Fatty wants to know
if he has seen me somewhere before
I don't go there anymore

Tink either knows me
Or has never read my blog
who cares... jokes on "her"

;)

(as long as we're staying esoteric)

Tink kids re: man swords
"She" should know, "hers" is an inch
Drive through twice Texas

:P

Fatty fat, fat kid
a stupid person's idea
of a clever person

ace, remember for tomorrow
do not let your mind wander
it is too small to be let out on its own

Tink kids re: man swords
"She" should know, "hers" is an inch
Drive through twice Texas

eh- It's not funny if I don't get it

tink, you're boring me
projection is beautiful
this time though, drop it

Fatty, fat, fat kid
I must leave now and you alone
sorry, sex with yourself tonight, AGAIN

more sex with myself?
"Or has never read my blog"
Yep, retards can't read

Heheh, alright, i actually do have to get work done... I'm out.

Ace seizes the mike
It reminds him of something
Gently, he strokes it

Fatty boy fatty
stop pimping your uninteresting blog
I'm not begging you to read mine

pathetic

Tinker is a guy?
shee-it you could have fooled me
"Tinkerbell" and all

ok- I am out of here too.

Ace of Spades is like a drug...or maybe it is ace that is intoxicating

Cedarford, douchebag
Cedarford, Nazi douchebag
Cedarford, douchebag

Pimp my blog? Hardly!
I know my place, unlike you
Back in the kitchen, woman!

But seriously
My blog sucks: who effin cares...
I'm not sellin ads

So tink, where's your blog
I need something to poop on
...Besides your pretty little head

The haiku thread seems
To have petered out, I guess.
Heh. I said "petered."

A-V Club member
Seeks reprieve from dorkiness
On streaming audio

tinky and fatman
need to get a room methinks
hot, fat fairy sex

groping for weiner
fatty gets a big surprise
tink's dick is bigger

transexual lust
crap, hair, and ky jelly
flying through the air

what does it say about me that not only do I read this blog, I actually comment on it as well.

I need therapy

What kind of therapy?

'Pure grain alcohol and a sledge hammer' therapy?

'Curl your toes orgasm' therapy?

Or 'Get off the couch and strangle your shrink when he asks how you feel' therapy?

Tinkerbelle's Life
I need therapy
A frontal lobotomy?
Oh! Just clap your hands!

Finally, Shirts

Ace-O-Spades t-shirts
Finally arrived today
About fucking time