From your link:

Dressed in a Kevlar vest, video camera and two-way radio, the small monkey would be able to get into places no officer or robot could go.

I don't think a minature Kevlar vest is going to offer much protection.

Completely unrelated . . .

But I'm on business in St. Louis. Nicked over to the local Harrah's casino . . .

Posters of Paul Anka everywhere.

It was the single most unsettling experience of my life.

Even in poster form, he was the most important guy at the blackjack table.

If they arm the monkey, they should load its gun with little poo bullets.

I just (sort of) wrote about my love for monkeys. Whuch reminds me of a Jack Handy quote:
There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY," but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that
Funny and helpful what else can you ask for?

All this stuff about monkeys and guns... What's happened to you, man? When did you become so jaded that you couldn't appreciate the simple pleasures of a monkey knife fight?

I personally think this is a bad idea. After all, you don't think the expression 'monkeying around' just came to us out of thin air, do you? Lazy little bastards.

Ace, as I am a self-designated expert on the impending ape apocalypse, I hope I don't have to remind you that you are messing with forces you can't possibly comprehend.

You think monkeys will stop at "only" carrying the guns? Where's the room for advancement there? You give them an inch, pretty soon you'll have to give them a mile. We'll have monkey police chiefs, monkey bureaucrats, monkey mayors.

The monkeys will take over-- not on their own power, but because we invited them in.

Slippery slope to doom, this is.

Afraid,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

A monkey would make a damn sight better cop than some I've been pulled over by!

Hmm. I think Dave's right - today monkey cops, tomorrow monkey lawyers. We'll long for the days of kangaroo courts.

But Taylor WANTED to die because he didn't want to be in the second film, much less any other sequels.

Later,
bbeck

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my monkey is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is the crawler of tight places no man can access and the opener of doors with very tiny little fingers. [ Gun here symbolizes strength. ]He is my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:1-3 (in Context) Psalm 18 (Whole Chapter)

How would we know the difference, Dave?

As a retiered law enforcement officer, we don't need no stinkin monkeys in law enforcement we've got enough now. Oh no wait that's congress, nevermind.

As a integral part of (and the group with the highest IQ in) the Police Department, we will no longer allow the PD to treat us like a bunch of monkeys! We demand the right to join the Police Union, the right of collective bargaining, overtime pay, a raise and a pension that will prevent us from living like animals when we get old.

If I'm the Colt corporation, I see a *huge* opportunity here for high-powered weapons fitted to tiny little monkey hands. Monkey pistols, monkey rifles, even a special NRA "monkeys only" membership.

..and you bastards better not steal my idea. I'm calling Colt Firearms this afternoon and if I hear that any of you other melonfarmers have called before me...you'll rue the day! Rue, do you hear me! Rue!

Plus there's something just hilarious about the term "monkey pistols". Putting the word "monkey" in anything makes it funny. Well, except "cancer". "Monkey cancer" is still pretty sad. And "dismemberment". "Monkey dismemberment" is pretty disturbing.

...what was I talking about again? I kind of lost my train of thought.

And He shall see those that writeth upon the boards with a forked tongue and shall read what they say against Him, and He shall smite them with a pox of which no pants may cover and no britches contain. For those that have posted against Him shall be driven to the valley of wheat and made to eat sandwiches of various meats until they are sick and praise Him who be the sandwich maker.

An all-monkey police dept. sounds like a great idea.

Fire Dept too. Kitty stuck up in a tree? No problem! Won't even need a ladder.

Oh, hey,a Monkey Emergency response team! When someone is stuck in a flash flood, they won't even need to throw ropes.
They'll just hook their arms together and form a living chain.

Putting the word "monkey" in anything makes it funny. Well, except "cancer". "Monkey cancer" is still pretty sad.

And yet I still laughed my ass off Monty.

Hey mutha fucka knock of the monkey jokes or the gangsta monkeys will visit you and bite your balls off.

test:

urine

test:

urine
soak
monkey
territory

Uh, Ace, these monkeys aren't that smart:

To help their sense of direction and mark their territory, capuchin monkeys soak their feet and hands in [wee wee] and then leave a scent on the leaves as they move.

But I do have to [wee wee] on the front of my pants a little when I get lost.

Oh, geocities didn't like my hyperlink to a fucking monkey page, Monkeys Online.

rdbrewer:

Uh, Ace, these monkeys aren't that smart

You're just mad because you didn't think of it first. Jealously is an ugly thing, but jealousy of monkeys is evil. Evil! Pretty soon everyone will be peeing on their hands and leaving scent trails everywhere they go, and do you think the monkey-innovator will get credit? Hell no.

...heh. "Monkey innovator". See? Just add "monkey" at it's teh funnay!

This could be a great way to employ all those shiftless, lazy redneck monkeys. It would get them off of welfare and off our backs!

I've also heard that testing has already begun to see whether the Jewish Mother Monkey or the Catholic Mother Monkey is more effective in shaming the perpetrators into giving themselves up.

Geez, it's the monkey thought police.

And when Taylor hollered, "Get your dirty hands off me, you damned ape!" you thought he didn't like being ruffed up.

Now RD, I should give you a hard time for the misquote, just so Ace won't think he's the only one getting picked on.

Later,
bbeck

"today monkey cops, tomorrow monkey lawyers"

what do you mean tomorrow, enos?

If you ever watched MST3K, then you'd know the monkies are already "armed" so to speak.

Well I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new monkey overlords.

I'm startled no one caught this, however:

"Truelove is spearheading the department's request to purchase and train a capuchin monkey, considered the second smartest primate to the chimpanzee. "

Where does Homo sapiens (which is also a primate) fit into the hierarchy? Eighth?

Heh.

Dave is right, this is a very very bad idea. Monkeys are inherently evil, malicious creatures. They are Satan's favorite tool. Well, except for a DeWalt cordless drill. The 19 volt model. Yeah, run into a hidden nail while driving in a 6 inch wood screw, you'll dislocate your shoulder man.

What was I talking about?

There has to be a treaty against this somewhere, otherwise the Pentagon has been slacking in the R&D department. I want my War Chimps and I want them now!

Tob