But if you saw Crowe as SID 6.7 in Virtuosity, you'd really understand why'd they'd want him.
An unstoppable psychotic killing machine with a sense of humor and looks you'll die for.

Are you sure it wasn't Nipsy Russell?

Hold on a second, I just heard some Middle Eastern voices at the door. It could be the baba ganoush delivery I just phoned for, but if I'm not back in five minutes tell Barbara I died with her picture in my heart.

Sounds more like some fat star obsessed housefrau is heading ops for Al Qaeda. "Oooh and Mohammed, don't forget to bring back that dreamy infidel George Clooney too!"

Weird.

I'm going with your working theory Ace.

Either that or some FBI chick wanted an autograph.

I liked him in L.A. Confidential.

But if you saw Crowe as SID 6.7 in Virtuosity, you'd really understand why'd they'd want him.

Ummm... you're blowing the jokes to the Top Ten I'm working on, darn you.

Hey, leave Flounder out of this!

Now, if they were after Ben Affleck, George Carlin, Kristin Dunce, Madonna, Joy Behar, Barbara Streisand--or any other trash-eatin' stinkbag who can't freakin' APPRECIATE what their great country has given them--they'd definitely make people think twice.

"Hey, maybe they ARE reasonable!"

There exists an entire sub- industry across the government, academia, and groups like the RAND corporation (why do they get all capitals?) dedicated to predicting the terrorists' next move.

What are their long term goals? What are the geopolitical implications of their strategy? How can we tease out the grand vision lurking behind their machinations on the global chessboard?

However, stories like this come along now and then which tend to suggest an unpopular alternative--that they're actually so crazy and/or stupid that they're just utterly unpredictable. And that by ascribing to them a geopolitical, long term focus and acting accordingly, we're basically trying to reason with angry chimps here.

You know where that gets you--in the hospital with your mangerines bitten off.

Damn...if Al Qaeda really wanted to break America's will they should target Scott Baio!

After all, how could we exist as a people if we didn't have Charles in Charge of our days and our nights?

Well, I for one would have been completely destabilized by the kidnapping of Crowe before Gladiator.

Asife from LA Confid. (which didn't make him a household name), what did Crowe ever do to make himself a worthwhile target?

Islamist retards is too generous.

These morons are microcephalic imbeciles.

"we're basically trying to reason with angry chimps here. You know where that gets you--in the hospital with your mangerines bitten off."

As we wrote before: "our Islamic Suicide Chimps are trained to go for the balls. And they shall fight you in the jungles, they shall fight you in the trees, they shall bite off your cohones, just as slowly as they please."

Excerpted from Car Bomb and Driver magazine, as reprinted from Town and Country Suicide Bomber.

THAT'll teach him to steal Dennis "Al-" Quaid's woman!

You people keep laughing, but I'm telling you, for all those harlequin fantasy reading woman/3+ cutesy named cat households, this would be like 9/11 all over again.

Crazy? Crazy like a fox dressed in little clothes, raised by a lonely middle aged woman as if it were a human!

I don't think they're crazy and I don't think they lack long-term goals. They actually believe we're all morally corrupt slobbering freaks who live or die on the trash coming out of Hollywood.

They've made what is probably the most common mistake: from a distance, everything looks monolithic. It almost never is.

Okay, maybe Al-Qaeda can take Willie Aames, but that better not be the end of it. Not until they take Aames, Paulie Shore, that guy who played Screech, and Jamie Farr--hell, the entire MASH cast--will they have begun to atone for their crimes.

Heh. Willie Aames. Did you know that in Blue Lagoon, they had to dig trenches for Brooke Shields to walk in to keep her from looming over the little fellow?

Dude, there's no way Willie Aames would stoop to being in the Blue Lagoon, (well maybe one of the moronic sailors) We're talking about Bibleman here!. I think it was Chris Atkins or something.

I hate to start something here, but Ultron brings up a good point.

Has anyone ever noticed that MASH isn't funny at all, and never was?

Why do people insist it's funny?

It's really not.

My bad, Iblis. I googled and you're quite right, Christopher Atkins was Ms. Shields' co-star. Willie Aames held out for Paradise, the 1981 Blue Lagoon ripoff with the luscious (and rather youthful) Phoebe Cates.

I stand by that story about the trench, though.

Ace, I don't mean to beat a cancelled horse, but you know what really annoys me about MASH? Not the fact that a show about a three-year war stayed on the air for eleven years. It annoys me because it reeks of the Seventies: the sexual and racial attitudes, the political views, even the crappy haircuts. The producers didn't make even a token attempt to locate it in the 1950s.

And the sense of self-righteousness and moral superiority is absolutely suffocating. I'm surprised they didn't go whole hog and start giving away umbrellas and tote bags.

Hey Ace, you intentionally write the top 10 in invisible ink?

Yes. I'm not sure if any of it's funny and I only have half of it done. So I just put it up so I can edit it later in white font.

Don't you guys get it? Ace is stuffing his site for search engines with those words in white letters AND in the process of working out his top-10 list.

Ace, the only thing you're missing from your top-10, if you really want to get some hist, are words like "teenz," "boobs," "MILFS," and "Bob Dole's cock."

There's got to be a way to get at least some of those words in there.

KCTrio

Let's be honest: The only funny moment in M*A*S*H* was when McClain Stevenson was killed on his way to the Hello, Larry pilot.

In fact, Trapper John (starring Adam Cartwright) had more laughs in one episode than an entire season of M*A*S*H*.

The same people who thought M*A*S*H* was funny are those who thought "Hot Lips" Hoolihan was hot.

Well, maybe next to Jamie Farr.

Brent Spiner.

It's all about Brent Spiner.

NOT Kevin Bacon. Brent Spiner.

If those nasty Islamofascists can just get their blood-soaked mits on Brent Spiner, you can kiss Western Civ good-bye.

Can't elaborate right now. My tinfoil hat detects some suspicious spyware on my computer so mum's the word. I'll get back to y'all later with the 411.

That is all.

A joking aside moment..................

We laughed at the stupid Islamic goofballs that tried and failed to blow up the WTC in 1993, especially the boob that was so cheap he tried getting the Ryder Rental deposit refunded. Hah! What a bunch.

8 years later, the deathpit that was the WTC - was still smoking and we weren't laughing anymore about those whacky inept Muslims.

The impact of Muslims hitting a Hollywood party and killing a number of A-list celebrities and producers - saying it was an attack on vile, evil Jewish Hollywood for infecting the world with their purient, unIslamic culture - would certainly get them as much media attention as 9/11....

The downside would be contributions for Islamoid's ACLU allies would decrease tremendously and you might see Jane Fonda, David Geffen, widow Sue Sarandon (Robbins shot trying to reason with the assault squad), Sean Penn, and Rob Reiner shift from the Left to the Right...

Indications are that radical Islamists are interested in cultural targets like LA, Las Vegas, famous landmarks....so why not culturally important, famous people....

Like the WTC, perhaps some very smart ones are out there scouting Hollywood functions and coming up with better candidates than Crowe for their hit list..

OK, joke light on.

I'd be leafleting back villages in Yemen saying don't dare, don't even think about whacking America's greatest heroes, Michael Moore and Ward Churchill. Make Moore the fat canary, Churchill the phony canary..

"I never fully understood what the fuck was going on," he said.

I bet that's not the first time he ever said that.

Do I detect an imminent remake of "Plan Nine from Outer Space"?