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February 28, 2005

Sean Penn Responds to a Chris Rock Joke About Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

"Forgive my compromised sense of humor, but to answer our host's question about the chicken: the chicken is among our most talented, gifted, and generous of all domesticated fowl, and everyone in Hollywood appreciates his tremendous contributions to the performing arts."*

* Apologies to Jeff Goldstein. This is his sort of his schtick.

Okay, So I Watched a Bit of the Oscars Update: Hey, there's not a damn thing on.

It doesn't make me Scandanavian.

All of Hollywood Is Afraid of Clint Eastwood Update: Now, of course I'm a big fan of Clint Eastwood's, particularly of his earlier, funnier films, like High Plains Drifter.

But this is getting ridiculous. Clint Eastwood wins like four Oscars every other year.

Are all of these f'n' Hollywood pussies so afraid of Clint Eastwood they can't finally give Scorcese his damn Oscar already?

posted by Ace at 12:26 AM

Comments

Ace, kindly please check your email.

Ditto the Spicoli-is-a-humorless-jackass thing.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on February 28, 2005 01:04 AM

Ace,

OK, I read some of the live-blogging for tonight's Academy Awards.

But it still does not make me "Oscar curious."

One Clint story.

It's true.

Really.

In a city by the sea.

I live there, part-time.

Anyway, while at the grocery check-out a few years back, this tall, big (long arms, big hands, muscular) and old looking guy, with what looks like a platinum Rolex, is ahead of me, trying to figure out how to swipe his credit card (also platinum I think, don't leave home without it) in the check-out counter console.

Totally lost.

As I was just about to ask him if he needed help (hey, I am a doctor afterall) the check-out girl figured out he was struggling and took matters in her own hands.

The tall, old looking guy, turned slowly to me and smiled.

Me too, then. I smiled back.

First thought. Man you look old.

Second thought. Nice watch.

Third thought. Don't you have, like servants or something for this?

Nice smile, though.

Posted by: MeTooThen on February 28, 2005 01:17 AM

I think when he said he'd kill Michael Moore if the guy ever showed up at his door, it sorta had that shiv-someone-your-first-day-in-prison effect. Nobody is willing to risk pissing him off.

Posted by: Russell Wardlow on February 28, 2005 01:39 AM

Chicken is fowl, not foul.
(I talked to Bob Dole's c*ck and he said it was OK to correct you this one time)

Posted by: lauraw on February 28, 2005 09:57 AM

Clint Eastwood - lives and works in California

Martin Scorcese - may or may not currently reside in New York but makes all his films about the Big Apple.

Hollywood is in California.

It doesn't take a Hardy Boy to solve this mystery. But I am one anyway. Or so says my wife who affirmed my goodness and supported me through the coke years and the crack years and the embezzling charges and that thing with the carnival barker...

Posted by: Tongueboy on February 28, 2005 10:17 AM

I admit only to watching five minutes of the Oscar and was totally bored for all five, but that plus my prediliction for show tunes doesn't make me gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on February 28, 2005 10:18 AM

Lauraw - Did you speak to Bob Dole's c*ck on the phone or was it live?

Posted by: 72WIVES on February 28, 2005 10:20 AM

"Chicken is fowl, not foul"

Are we talking about McNuggets? Ace could be technically correct.

Posted by: skinbad on February 28, 2005 10:39 AM

If you're going to report on the Oscars, report on the Oscars. How was the cleavage?

Posted by: Bob Hawkins on February 28, 2005 10:47 AM

Ace:

Are you implying that there is EVER anything on the boob tube? And that the Oscars are better than nothing?

Posted by: Carlos on February 28, 2005 11:29 AM

Bob:

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek standing side by side, presenting awards.

Posted by: cirby on February 28, 2005 11:32 AM

Bob, I will report for you......all fake.

Done.

I too had an encounter with Clint Eastwood. I saw him at the Maui Airport. He does look old and he does look mean.

Did anyone else think Sean Penn looks like a cartoon character and that Robin Williams isn't funny anymore?

And I think Chris Rock proved his point about black people not watching the Oscars, wouldn't you say?

I'm done..;-)

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on February 28, 2005 01:28 PM

There was a tidbit on Fox News that 1 out of 8 Repubs watch the Oscars, while 4 out of 10 Dems do.

Posted by: TallDave on February 28, 2005 01:42 PM

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek standing side by side, presenting awards.

I turned the show on for a bit and there they were, praising "Che". Wtf? Turned it off immediately.

Posted by: someone on February 28, 2005 01:54 PM

I can proudly say I've only seen one of the nominated films and somebody else paid.

I'd rather watch the Friday night lineup on SciFi Channel than almost anything Hollywood has produced for theaters in recent years. Show with strong continuity are vastly more engaging.

I did see one other movie in the theater last year but the committee was too chicken to nominate its theme song.

America!
Fuck Yeah!

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on February 28, 2005 01:56 PM

Lauraw - I have heard women and gays say that when it comes to c*ck, if you've seen one you've seen 'em all. Not being a woman or gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) I don't know. Is this true?

Posted by: 72prunes on February 28, 2005 01:58 PM

Bob Dole's c*ck is a busy man. We teleconferenced.

Posted by: lauraw on February 28, 2005 02:16 PM

So is Bob Dole's c*ck still suffering from ED, you know, erectile disfunctioning?

Posted by: 72PRUNES on February 28, 2005 02:38 PM

Clint Eastwood has won 4 Oscars total, not 4 every 4 years. The last time he won was 12 years ago, for the brilliant Unforgiven. He won for Best Director and for Best Picture, as a producer. Same goes for this year and Million Dollar Baby.

Get the facts straight.

Posted by: Fargus on February 28, 2005 03:02 PM

i watched for 5 minute ... and I want that five minutes back. Of course, that is 5 minutes more than I spend watching any of the movies nominated ...

Posted by: carin on February 28, 2005 03:50 PM

I saw the Aviator, and I saw Million Dollar Baby, and the latter easily deserved to beat the former in every catagory it did.

I'm sorry Scorsese didn't win his Oscars for the film or films he should have, but he really didn't deserve this one.

Posted by: Ken Begg on February 28, 2005 05:59 PM

I was actually amused by Sean Penn totally making an ass of himself.

I think he went back and crawled under the rock where his career went.

Posted by: Eggo on February 28, 2005 08:07 PM

72, if you're not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), why are you so interested in Bob Dole's c*ck?

Posted by: nood on February 28, 2005 11:16 PM

Bwaaa ha haaa!!

Yeah 72, what's up with that?

Posted by: lauraw on March 1, 2005 09:47 AM

Truly. And the nature of his recent films aren't helping either. I wrote a little bit on it today:

http://www.trepryor.com/index.php?p=209

Posted by: Paladin on March 1, 2005 05:02 PM

1) High Plains Drifter was funny, but Hang'em High was way, way funnier. (And, of course, Unforgiven was one of the few, if not the only, Comedies to win an Oscar.)

2) I'm not gay (I'm pretty sure), but I ran into Sean Connery on a sidewalk Marbella, Spain in the late '70s and it's damn scary how good-looking that guy is, even without his hair piece (still is, too.) Also, he is not as scary as Clint, but he still looks like he could take you out if he wanted to.

Posted by: JorgXMcKie on March 1, 2005 05:46 PM

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MacDonald's old partner Adam Egot revealed that MacDonald repurposed a bit with one of his ventriloquist dolls -- that he was a "bad guy" who "didn't believe the Holocaust happened" -- for the Norm MacDonald show, in which he claimed Egot didn't believe in the Holocaust.

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
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I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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