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August 19, 2004
Bear Drinks 36 Beers; Passes OutI love bears. I love beer. I love this story. Top Ten Signs a Bear May Be Drunk 10. "Weaves" as it tries to slap salmon from a river 9. Its breath stinks suspiciously of Binaca 8. In between attempting to maul your face with its enormous claws, keeps slurring the sloppy-drunk catchphrase "I lovvvve you mannnn. No, seriously, I lovvvvve you, mannnnn" 7. Can't stop giggling over the word "ursine" 6. Makes embarrassing confessions about having a gay affair with New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey 5. Insists repeatedly that it's "All right to drive, I swear," then gets into the car's rear seat and wants to know who stole the steering wheel 4. Hits on a ferociously-ugly wild boar, but keeps seeking your approval by asking, "She's got a nice rack though, right?" 3. Attempts to shit in the woods; misses 2. Won't stop asking, "White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for a White Castle run?" ...and the Number One Sign a Bear May be Drunk... 1. Says it finds Terezzza Heinz-Kerry "candid" and "refreshing," then urinates on itself posted by Ace at 04:23 PM
CommentsAndrew Sullivan: A drunk bear, you say? Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 19, 2004 04:53 PM
What - no Sullivan jokes? Slacker. Posted by: ccwbass on August 19, 2004 05:18 PM
Well done Ace. I was laughing so hard at "ursine" that it started a coughing fit. (Smoker) Posted by: on August 19, 2004 05:21 PM
What - no Sullivan jokes? I've taken the month of August off from Sullivan jokes. Besides-- the bear thing? For one, it's a little obvious. For another, joking about the gay meaning of "bears" demonstrates a certain level of familiarity with the homosexual lifestyle that it's not necessarily prudent to show off. Being a manful man (almost as manfully manful as John "007" Kerry), when you say "bear" in the gay meaning, my first impulse is pretend I have no idea what you're talking about. Same thing with cunninglingus, actually. Posted by: ace on August 19, 2004 05:38 PM
Cunning Lingus? The wily Scotsman? Posted by: Brian B on August 19, 2004 05:43 PM
Well, I didn't get the "bear" reference for real. And I've got an UBER-gay boss who doesn't have much shame. I *do* know what cunnilingus is though. Hmph. Heh. Posted by: fat kid on August 19, 2004 05:44 PM
Yes, I said "uber" and I do realize it's too late to take it back. Feh. Posted by: fat kid on August 19, 2004 05:44 PM
Dude... not one Yogi Bear reference? What's up with that? Posted by: Beck on August 19, 2004 07:24 PM
I had a Boo-Boo reference, but I dropped it, since I'm not sure that people remember Boo-Boo. Yogi seemed too much of a gimme. Posted by: ace on August 19, 2004 08:02 PM
Boo-Boo my boy! What is this gay reference? Bear? I don't get it. Posted by: lauraw on August 19, 2004 08:19 PM
The ranger's not gonna like it, Yogi. I'm 25 and I remember. Go for it! Posted by: Smack on August 19, 2004 08:58 PM
Ace, LOL! Money well spent. Glad I used the tip jar. Posted by: MeTooThen on August 20, 2004 01:13 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
On "Professor" Arday:
He was their living lawn jockey, period. They won't say that 'cause they're sensitive and down with his struggle and all. He was there to appease and flatter their sense of being uplifters of the oppressed. In truth, he served as their living lawn jockey -- no more, no less, and unworthy of even a second thought on their part. Tokenism, pure and simple.-- Krebs v Carnot
Ireland's 'Air Force One' lacks a key safety system for fog -- thanks to country's ban on Israeli products
Ireland's best emigrated 150 years ago. The current Ireland is a sad joke. [CBD]
The Short Unhappy Life of a Russian Soldier: Why recruits die in 20-30 minutes
Interesting video. Some key parts: drones were responsible for 70-80% of all battlefield deaths in mid-2025, and I bet it's higher now. The Russian army is incredibly corrupt. Men get assigned to the most dangerous frontline units, the "Storm" units, unless they pay a superior $2,000 to be assigned to a different unit. Furthermore, there is often no real training for recruits -- commanders pocket the money that would have gone towards fuel and ammo costs incurred during training. Much "training" consists just of taking a single picture of soldiers doing something soldier-y, like fording a river, and publishing that as proof that the training was done. Even when it is done, training is only two weeks long.
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
She's totally committed to major independence She's a lady through and through She gives them quite a battle, all that they can handle She'll bruise some, she'll hurt some too
Update to the video of a Russian soldier being spun around and thrown by the machinegun he was operating: The soldier was testing an old, archaic Russian machinegun intended to be mounted to a helicopter. The old gun was pressed into service as a possible anti-drone gun. The Russian army is generally depleted and being forced to bring a lot of old, unreliable weapons and platforms to the front.
Also: Ukranian drones have
Top Men!
FDA is providing an update regarding the sample of lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms de Mexico which was reported positive on July 18, 2026. Due to the complexity in detection of Cyclospora, FDA laboratory experts re-reviewed the sample results and have concluded that the finding does not represent true amplification and should be considered a false positive. Information about the sample has been removed from the July 18, 2026, update below. FDA has notified Taylor Farms and continues working with the firm to ensure product implicated in this outbreak has been removed from the market. FDA and state partners continue to collect and analyze product samples. As of July 19, 2026, there are no confirmed positive sample results for product testing for Cyclospora.[CBD]
FEDERAL APPEALS COURT STRIKES DOWN
NJ "ASSAULT WEAPONS" BAN/MAGAZINE BAN! Let's see if it reverts to the previous 15 round limit or I can actually run my weapons as God intended! [CBD]
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