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July 27, 2004
My Editorial Commentary on Andrew Sullivan's Pro-Kerry Burblings(Note: This whole deal is a bravura comedic synthesis of the latest Andrew Sullivan and Ann Coulter posts. (At least my Mom says so.) If you read this before you read them, YOU WON'T GET IT.)
I DON'T GET IT. I had a catch in my throat as "Amazing Grace" struck up, and another as I absorbed the fact that a Muslim-American and a Jewish-American had just joined in tribute to the murdered. ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC? IF SO, YOU REALLY LOST ME. Rhetorically, at least, they were saying: this is our war too. But we can pursue it more wisely and effectively than the well-meaning hothead now in office. And there was a subtler message as well. Remember when we were one as a nation? Do you really think that president Bush is capable of bringing any of us together again? NOT FUNNY. IF THERE'S A JOKE HERE, YOU'LL HAVE TO DO A BETTER JOB OF SETTING IT UP. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED KNOCK-KNOCK FORMAT? SUCH AS: KNOCK-KNOCK. --WHO'S THERE? WE CAN PURSUE THIS WAR MORE WISELY THAN THE HOT-HEAD CURRENTLY IN THE OVAL OFFICE, THAT'S WHO. SEE? THE PUNCHLINE IS BETTER TELEGRAPHED. IT'S GOT "SNAP."
I DON'T GET ALL THIS PRAISE OF JIMMY CARTER. YOU OBVIOUSLY MEAN THIS IRONICALLY, BUT THE JOKE IS TOO SUBTLE AND FALLS FLAT. I FEEL LIKE I'VE WALKED IN HALFWAY THROUGH A SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SKETCH WITH A PARTICULARLY CONVOLUTED PREMISE. Kerry showed up. Kerry is as tough as Bush - but with "judgment and maturity." And in case you didn't get the message: "The biggest reason to make John Kerry president is even more important. It is to safeguard the security of our nation." NOT FUNNY. I DON'T GET IT. ARE YOU CONFUSING JOHN KERRY WITH SOMEONE ELSE? I FIND THAT MOST FUNNY JOKES INVOLVE EITHER 1) BEARS OR 2) VAGINAS. TRY WORKING IN A BEAR OR A VAGINA ANGLE. MAYBE BOTH, IF YOU'RE FEELING AMBITIOUS. CLINTON AT HIS BEST: Carter's was the better speech, but Clinton was magnificent. GOOD SET-UP, BUT WHERE'S THE PUNCHLINE? REMEMBER, BEARS AND VAGINAS. I THINK THE VAGINA IS THE OBVIOUS GO-TO JOKE FOR CLINTON, BUT MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE TO "ON THE NOSE." IN SUMMARY: GOOD EFFORT, BUT NEEDS WORK. KEEP TRYING WITH THE WHOLE "HUMOR" THING, ANDY. -- YOUR EDITOR, ACE OF SPADES P.S. VAGINAS ARE WHERE BABIES COME FROM. posted by Ace at 03:27 AM
CommentsWaaaaahahah (tears in my eyes). Really really good Ace. My cat just looked at me and bolted, probably never to return. Must go to pound now and fill out missing cat report. Keep it up. Posted by: Stan on July 27, 2004 04:03 AM
Truly brilliant. And it's even funnier if you've already read the two stories before even coming here. Posted by: Trevor on July 27, 2004 08:43 AM
I read Andy this morning and I couldn't believe it. It's been a gradual process, but watching him turn, turn, turn, like a man under the spell of a slow acting drug is really disturbing. Praise for Carter? Hunh? Funny how when you look at Kerrys' record, or Carters' and read Andys' comments, he places his faith in them on their appearance last night over their experience in office or in the senate. Did I miss something? Posted by: Mbarek on July 27, 2004 10:13 AM
This is almost as good as that Dowd Word template thing you did. Maybe better, I don't know.
Sorry Jimmah, but you had your chance with the Islamofascists and you blew it. Big time. Now please go sit down and let the big guys handle it. Thanks. Classic post ace.... Posted by: Tman on July 27, 2004 12:50 PM
Hey Ace, have you noticed the little Democratic Donkey at the top of Sullivan's blog now? Nobody's remarked on that, but it's the little touches like that which aggravate the hell out of me. I've given up on the man since his little secret Advocate unendorsement kerfuffle, but now my contempt - no, fatigue with the man only deepens. Posted by: Jeff B. on July 27, 2004 02:33 PM
Well, Andy's on his own. The real undecideds are not actually undercover ideologues, and they are going for Bush. The more the Dems get their 'message' across, the worse they do in the polls. Just like in the 2002 midterm elections. Bush by about a 10% margin. Posted by: lauraw on July 27, 2004 02:46 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source" Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held. Basil the Great
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.
Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing. Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult. Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending. (((Dan Hodges))) Nick Lowles
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98. Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years. Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45 Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%. I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens. REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs. Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
![]() That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time. I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]
Ted Turner Dies At 87 [CBD]
Democrat Congresswoman Sara Jacobs cites Me-Again Kelly, Cavernous Nostrils, Alex Jones and Tuq'r Qarlson as proof that concerns about Trump's mental health are "bipartisan"
As Bonchie from Red State says: Know the op when you see it.
Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.
Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
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