« Breaking: Fighting Terrorists... Works | Main | Shock: Oliver Willis Actually Makes a Good Point »
June 21, 2004

The Birth of a Meme: "Punitive Liberalism"

Brilliant.

James Taranto teases the notion:

Writing in The Weekly Standard, James Piereson offers a useful addition to the American political glossary: "punitive liberalism." This "bizarre doctrine," which found its fullest expression in the presidency of Jimmy Carter, holds that "America had been responsible for numerous crimes and misdeeds through its history for which it deserved punishment and chastisement." Those who disagree "were written off as ignorant patriots who could not face up to the sins of the past."

This makes so much sense I am physically angered that I didn't think of it first. I am beating the stuffings out of my therapist-prescribed "Anger Puppets." My Anger Puppets are supposed to teach me the difference between "good touching" and "criminal assault." But I've stripped the clothes off them and I'm now arranging them in a naked puppet pyramid.

I may force one puppet to have sex with a Kenner(TM) Jabba's Prisoner Princess Leia figure. That'll show him.

Why do liberals always support military action when there is no national security threat implicated (Kosovo, Haiti, etc.) but start preaching pacificism when there is (Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea)?

Because we have sinned. We have to send troops to Haiti as pennance for our sins. We have to bomb Serbia for 77 days because we stole this country from the Indians.

But when a country actually threatens us?

Heavens! We daren't take military action. That would inure to our national-security self-interests, and we're not deserving of acting in our own best interests.

Perhaps, one day, after we've transferred one half of the country's wealth to Africa and the Middle East, then the ledger will be evened-up and we will be able to occasionally act in our own interests, as non-sinful countries like France are allowed to do.

But until that day-- we can act only in order to vindicate someone else's interests. Never, never, never our own.


posted by Ace at 04:50 PM
Comments



It's an interesting theory, but explain to me how, exactly, our actions in Somalia (for example) were in anyone's interests? The military disasters you listed weren't just examples of American altruism, they were examples of us sending troops to places without considering anyone's interests whatsoever.

Posted by: Aaron on June 21, 2004 05:17 PM

"My Anger Puppets are supposed to teach me the difference between "good touching" and "criminal assault." But I've stripped the clothes off them and I'm now arranging them in a naked puppet pyramid. "

Just.F*ing.Brilliant! Haven't laughed this hard since Allah went all gloomy. Poor dear!

Speaking of the beloved deity, someone needs to go and get him drunk, and possibly laid. I'd volunteer, but I have some,er, moral constraints about consorting with a deity.

Meanwhile, I have no constraints about reading your blog....and liking it.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on June 21, 2004 05:27 PM

Hey Joan...I'm feeling down, and I'm not a Diety (or an angel for that matter)...nudge, nudge.

Be careful with those puppets Ace! Sully might get wind of their "torture" and spend 3 weeks agonizing over whether he should read your blog or Oliver Willis'.

Posted by: on June 21, 2004 05:51 PM

Grrrr... I had the last post (hitting on poor Joan)..but forgot my info, as is typical these days.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on June 21, 2004 05:52 PM

"President" Clinton echoed this theme at a talk at Georgetown University, saying in essence that we deserved 9/11 due to our past sins. The WaPo was there and declined to report on this outrage.

Posted by: dib on June 21, 2004 05:52 PM

I'm willing to bet Jimmy Carter and those who share his beliefs were laughable dodge ball players. They were the tubby kids who got consistently clipped on the skull or on the back of the knees as they fled in terror from that screaming, redrubber alpha male decider.

This is just a theory I'm working on, mind you, but anecdotally at least, it's ironclad.

Posted by: Jeff G on June 21, 2004 05:57 PM

I heard someone compare Republicans to a good parent who encourages the kids to keep trying. Then they compared liberals to an abusive parent who tells the kids they'll never amount to anything and that they'll always need help.

Posted by: rdbrewer on June 21, 2004 06:11 PM

Hey Ace, I think you missed the real story on WSJ's OpinionJournal:

Parkhudin, a 26-year-old Afghan farmer who was held at Guantánamo from February 2003 to March 2004, said in an interview in Khost that he had been questioned for up to 20 hours at a time under uncomfortable conditions at Guantánamo. He said he had been shackled with a small chain during questioning. ''They made me stand in front of an air-conditioner,'' he said. ''The wind was very cold.''

First, we rape them, then we turn on the fans? Will the horror never cease?

Posted by: Shawn on June 21, 2004 08:49 PM

Yep, very well written piece, although I'm with Taranto - it ain't dead yet.

But Reagan made it look boneheaded to hate America for 8 years.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on June 21, 2004 09:03 PM

Wait, let me get this straight. A native of Afghanistan (mountainous country with balls-shatteringly cold weather) imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (Island country with balls-scorchingly hot weather) is complaining about AC?

WTFO?

Posted by: Brian B on June 21, 2004 09:03 PM

I'm willing to bet Jimmy Carter and those who share his beliefs were laughable dodge ball players. They were the tubby kids who got consistently clipped on the skull...

So that's how Carter got that way.

It's an interesting theory but it doesn't hold up: I was a nerdy wuss in school too and look at me: all conservative and everything! I must've been one of the lucky ones...

Posted by: Smack on June 21, 2004 11:34 PM

I was also a nerdy wuss who got beat at Dodgeball all the time.
It taught me that pain means nothing if there is no actual injury, and to keep trying against impossible odds and that "losing less badly than before" is still a victory of sorts, and better than giving up or whining about it.

Posted by: nathan on June 22, 2004 01:28 AM

So, sorry, they theory doesn't hold. I sucked at dodgeball too. Got clipped all the time. All it taught me was that when the other kid has a red rubber ball, get yourself a JDAM.

Through that red rubber ball, sucker, I dare you.

Posted by: Brock on June 22, 2004 10:14 AM

So when does the War on Liberals/Leftists begin?

Posted by: recon on June 22, 2004 12:49 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?






The AoSHQ Amazon Store


Top Headlines
AoSHQ Moron Cookbook:
Recipe Submissions

--:--:--:--
dunce_cap_648.jpg
Cookbook List O' Shame
Garrett
-Butter Bourbon Pudding
Bluebell
-peanut butter cookies
J.J.Sefton
-Anything from mom!
laura w
-Edible hump balm
ScoggDog
-Do you even grill?
Weasel
-Really? So embarrassing!
Peaches
-Manhattan Clam Chowder
************
Sarah Palin suing NYT over that Giffords Targeting lie.
Sue, baby, sue!
And She Hired HULK HOGAN'S LAWYERS! (who killed Gawker)

[ArthurK]
Headlines: 6/24/2017
These Are the ‘Official Fake Nipples of the Resistance’ Don't ask me to explain this; I have no idea.
H/T Bannion [CBD]
Headlines: 06/23/2017
Dems give politically connected judge six-figure gig she’s too obese to do
Read the article. it's worse than it seems. And blame "ChristyBlinky," not me. [CBD]
Headlines: 6/22/2017
Vicious White Supremicist White-splains... "It is in your hands to stop all the killing and all the shooting wherever you might be. Because you cannot say, ‘Black lives matter,’ and then kill yourselves." [CBD]
The Press, Filled With Ignorance and Superstition, Always Believes It's the Smartest Person in the Room
When Dunning-Kruger meets Malignant Narcissism with Delusions of Grandeur
Legal pot and car crashes: Yes, there's a link "Legalized recreational marijuana use in Colorado, Oregon and Washington correlates to about a 3 percent increase in auto collision claim frequencies compared to states without such legislation, according to a new Highway Loss Data Institute (HLDI) study." I'm shocked...SHOCKED! [CBD]
Headlines: 6/21/2017
As Many as 5.7 Million Non-Citizens Voted in 2008 Election
"If an illegal alien already has a fake driver's license and registers to vote, there is no way anyone can stop him from casting a ballot."
[ArthurK]
French Writer Michel Houllenbecq on whether he was surprised by Trump's victory: "In France we thought everybody liked Obama, but maybe the media were lying. Maybe they didn't." Yes, Michel, they were lying. Taken from Vice.
Recent Comments
X-ray: "She has a transgender dog. It's clearly a female, ..."

L, Elle: "They also think you accidentally got a hickey, Tam ..."

Lena Dunham: "Thanks to this joint, does anyone realize Just. Ho ..."

buzzion: "[i]294 Not sure what that's about but....ooookay. ..."

Tami[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Joke, maybe, referencing the earlier mixup of her ..."

Minnfidel: "They should have just brought out the masterbating ..."

L, Elle: "Not sure what that's about but....ooookay. Posted ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "Not sure what that's about but....ooookay. Post ..."

wth: "Elmo? More credibility than Don Lemon. ..... ..."

naturalfake: "Tami's here? Run! Everyone run for your live ..."

Secret Square: ""In my lifetime we've had 10 IL govs, excluding th ..."

Soona: " I could do a mean Elmo impersonation with a hand ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Contact