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June 01, 2004

Al Franken Now Working At Air America For Free

"That sounds about right," say industry insiders

N E W Y O R K -- Al Franken, the bespectacled bonehead who hosts the O'Franken Report for Air America, has agreed to work at the fledling fiasco without salary until the station becomes financially solvent or else goes out of business, whichever comes sooner.

Which will, of course, be the second one.

Franken is best known for his "Stuart Smalley" character, whose foray into film raked in an astonishing $950,000, making it the top-grossing film starring a former member of the "Franken and Davis Show."

Stuart Saves His Family did stunning business at the box-office, taking in a haul that put it just thirty or forty million dollars shy of turning a profit. "Had the film made twenty million dollars more," Franken agent said, "people would be talking about Al as the new Chris Kattan, or at least the new Tim Kazurinsky."

Franken's show continues to be the highest-rated program on the Air America radio "network," which is a "network" in the same sense that you and your drinkin' buddy "Stinky" constitute a "network." Franken's ratings have zoomed in the past month, and the show is now rated number 6 in the New York market in the key demographic of 54-55 year old female abortion-services providers who own more that five Paula Cole albums.

In what a Franken spokesperson hails as a "triumph," Franken's ratings have now passed the ratings for non-Spanish speakers who accidentally listen to Spanish-language stations because they misprogrammed their cars' digital tuner and now have all ten presets set to Ola! Con Nina y "El Jalapeno."

"These numbers show absolutely remarkable growth," Franken's spokescreature said. "Within a month, we'll pass our key competitor, Channel D."

Channel D is a non-commercial bandwidth reserved for radio communications between security guards.

Air America celebrated the latest good news by throwing a party at one of New York's most exclusive restaurants, the 68th Street Bennigan's. The partygoers further saved station resources by skipping out on the bill.

"If Al Franken can work without a salary, so can the Bennigan's corporation," fellow host Lizz Winstead remarked. "We've all got to do our bit for progressive politics and social justice."

Lisa, the waitress who served them, disagrees, and says she wants to at least be tipped for her service. When asked if she harbors any hard feelings towards Al Franken, she turns quizzically and says, "Who?"

posted by Ace at 02:48 PM

Comments

If a lying liar lies on the radio...and nobody is listening...is it still a lie?

Posted by: sonofnixon on June 1, 2004 03:02 PM

Another excellent bit of writing Ace. Oh how you help me pass the hours I must spend toiling mindlessly for evil capitalist pigs.

Posted by: marty on June 1, 2004 04:21 PM

Im feeling all tingly w/ schadenfreude. Can't wait to guffaw, chortle and snort over Air America's imminent demise.

Posted by: Golden Boy on June 1, 2004 04:41 PM

When they fail it will only be more evidence that capitalism is flawed, and inherently unfair, and that corporate interests are crushing true freedom of thought in this country.

Sigh.

Posted by: lauraw on June 1, 2004 05:21 PM

Libertarian talk-show host Neal Boortz thinks the inevitable crash and burn of Air America is a bad thing. Not because it contributes anything of substance, of course, but because it will give liberals more incentive to try to shut down commerically viable (i.e. conservative) talk radio. I'm not sure I agree. He makes it sound like liberals *need* an excuse.

Posted by: Aaron on June 1, 2004 05:24 PM

"When they fail it will only be more evidence that capitalism is flawed, and inherently unfair, and that corporate interests are crushing true freedom of thought in this country."

No, when they fail, it will prove that fewer and fewer people want to hear the garbage that passes for coherent thought on the Left these days.

Posted by: zetetic on June 1, 2004 10:05 PM

Your ratings are a little off, though. It's actually "#1 among 18-54 year olds."

From the Chicago Tribune:

"But in New York, where Air America still broadcasts over WLIB-1190 AM, the network beat Limbaugh's station, Disney-owned WABC, among both 25-to-54-year-olds and 18-to-34-year-olds during the 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. period. In the 25-to-54 demographic, WLIB garnered a 3.4 share to WABC's 3.1; among 18-to-34-year-olds, WLIB won sevenfold with a 2.9 share to WABC's 0.4."

Posted by: on June 2, 2004 02:32 AM

More from the same article:
"The April audience estimates, which are the first data indicating whether or not Air America's brand of liberal talk radio can find an audience, come from a third-party analysis of Arbitron data, called 'extrapolations.'

Insiders cautioned that, while it is standard to use extrapolations as a guide to the performance of a station, they are preliminary and prone to a certain margin of error."

And the NYT tells us that the "third party" here is..........Air America.

Air America has more than its share of ongoing troubles.

Posted by: Mickey Chandler on June 2, 2004 03:18 AM

"No, when they fail, it will prove that fewer and fewer people want to hear the garbage that passes for coherent thought on the Left these days."

You just try and tell THEM that. They are experts at blowing smoke up their own butts and ignoring actual reality, in favor of some theoretical world that doesn't exist.

Trust me. When they fail it will be America's fault, not Air America's fault.

Posted by: lauraw on June 2, 2004 10:21 AM

"When they fail it will be America's fault, not Air America's fault."

Well, of course. They have to be victims of something; otherwise they wouldn't be liberals.

Posted by: zetetic on June 2, 2004 12:07 PM

or.. umm.. sorta.

Posted by: Neal Boortz kicks Franken's ass on his own show! on June 3, 2004 11:16 AM

And here I always thought that Channel D was reserved for the use of Number 1, Section 2 and Number 2, Section 2.

Posted by: fox2 on June 6, 2004 07:17 PM

More Americans voted for liberal Gore than conservative Bush in the 2000 election.

ZING!

Posted by: Pilot1 on June 8, 2004 06:37 PM

Well it has been about a year and Air America is going strong, any smart assed shit to say now?
You willfully ignorant pricks should tune in and learn something some time.

Posted by: megadave2002 on May 24, 2005 03:15 PM

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