Defending the bisexuality in his "Alexander":

“Alexander lived in a more honest time,� the controversial filmmaker, who directed the big-budget flick starring Colin Farrell, tells the upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. “We go into his bisexuality. It may offend some people, but sexuality in those days was a different thing. Pre-Christian morality. Young boys were with boys when they wanted to be.�

First of all, I don't know how much the man's bisexuality needs defending. He was gay. The film has to note that, I suppose. Especially these days, when to elide over it would cause a furor.

But look-- what's Stone trying to tell us, here?

I know from a gay friend that there is an idea among gays that everyone is pretty much gay, but only some are "brave" enough to act on their gay desires. People universalize from their own situations, I guess; just as gays can't imagine that some people aren't gay, some straights have an awful lot of difficulty imagining life as someone physically attracted to the same sex.

But if the right is to be faulted for not being understanding enough about gays' hard-wired, almost-impossible-to-thwart sexual drives, can the left lay off with this crap about how we'd all exist in some sort of Pansexual Pandemonium if it weren't for "Christianity" and our "society" telling boys not to have sex with boys?

Any time anyone says something like this, he gets hit immediately with the kneejerk charge of "overcompensating" or "hiding something" or "secretly gay," but who cares: If you're attracted to boys, that's fine and all, but trust me, there are an awful lot of other men who have never once even thought about having sex with a guy.* It's not a deep secret urge being restrained by some Christian superego; it's just not on the fuckin' menu, okay, Oliver?**

I think it's very nice that some on the left are/have been attracted to the same sex, and maybe have been a little more than attracted. I'm not going to "deny your sexuality" or whatnot.

But do me a favor and don't deny mine. Not everyone's gay, you know. I know you sort of want to believe that, but it's just not true.

* I can only offer the straight male take on this. I'd extend my analysis to women, but I'm restrained by the wisdom of a remark by Dennis Finch on Just Shoot Me: "Every woman's just a few drinks away from some hot girl-on-girl action."

Is this true? Well, one can only hope. Let's just say it doesn't seem entirely untrue. But maybe I just went to a really fun college.

** Okay, perfect candor requires me to admit that my record of virulent heterosexuality is almost umblemished, but only almost.

Look, yes, I do dress up as Nick Rhodes every Saturday night, but that's only because I play air-synthesizer in my lip-sync Duran Duran cover group, Wild Boys. I swear to you, I do not enjoy wearing eyeliner and lipstick and fingerless gloves.

Okay, I don't exactly hate it, either. But I assure you it's all for the sake of art.

And okay, fine, I did shack up for a time with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. But power is an aphrodisiac, and besides, when I was young and sexually confused, I was young and sexually confused.

Plus, I got a kick-ass recommendation out of it. A nice recommendation from Dr. Henry Kissinger (or "Doctor Kissyface," as I know him) makes up for an awful lot of shame and emotional scars.

You curl up into the fetal position in the shower a couple of times like Glenn Close in The Big Chill and seriously, the water just washes the tears away.