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Legacy media isn’t just fake news, it’s also full of Hamas-sourced, terrorist propaganda: Fox News, AP, CNN, Others Ran With Massive Hamas-Sourced Fake News, Then the Surveillance Video Came Out. “Multiple press outlets…ran with a report early Sunday morning claiming Israeli forces randomly opened fire on civilians gathered to collect aid. Sourced by ‘health officials’ and ‘witnesses,’ the claim involved dozens being killed and ‘at least’ 175 injured.” It wasn’t true. But our loathsome media wanted it to be true, so they reported it anyway. [Buck]
MORE COWBELL: TRUMP CHOPS TRADE DEFICIT IN HALF
Karoline Leavitt
@PressSec

President Donald J. Trump's economic agenda is working: inflation is down, income is up, and the trade deficit just fell by the largest amount on record.

Today's economic report follows multiple robust jobs reports, below-expectation inflation reports, and a strong bump in consumer confidence.

President Trump continues to prove doomsday "experts: wrong with his America First economic agenda that's delivering for the American people.
HUGE: INFLATION FALLS TO 0.1%, OR 2.1% FOR THE YEAR -- JUST OVER THE FED'S 2.0% GOAL
Will the partisan fed chief continue insisting that he has to keep interest rates jacked up?
Also remember that personal income is surging, apparently without creating too much price inflation
(Link Fixed) Glenn Reynolds on the elites the Glittering Mediocrities finally having heard the dissatisfaction from the Actually Productive Classes with the 2024 third election of Donald Trump:
Well, now they've heard it, and they've also heard that a lot of Americans resent the meritocrats' insulation from what's happening elsewhere, especially as America's unfortunate record over the past couple of decades, whether in economics, in politics, or in foreign policy, doesn't suggest that the "meritocracy" is overflowing with, you know, actual merit.
In the United States, the result has been Trump. In Britain, the result was Brexit. In both cases, the allegedly elite -- who are supposed to be cool, considered, and above the vulgar passions of the masses -- went more or less crazy. From conspiracy theories (it was the Russians!) to bizarre escape fantasies (A Brexit vote redo! A military coup to oust Trump!) the cognitive elite suddenly didn't seem especially elite, or for that matter particularly cognitive.
In fact, while America was losing wars abroad and jobs at home, elites seemed focused on things that were, well, faintly ridiculous. As Richard Fernandez tweeted: "The elites lost their mojo by becoming absurd. It happened on the road between cultural appropriation and transgender bathrooms." It was fatal: "People believe from instinct. The Roman gods became ridiculous when the Roman emperors did. PC is the equivalent of Caligula's horse."
Biden on reports of his mental and physical decline: "I'm mentally incompetent, I can't walk, and I can beat the hell out of both of them"
By "both of them," he means Tapper and Thompson. Biden has been bragging he can beat people up for a long time. The older he gets, the bigger his Dementia Muscles get.
I think he's trying to be sarcastic but he's finally telling the truth. More:
REPORTER: There's also been a lot of discussion recently about your mental and physical capabilities while you were in office.

BIDEN: You can see that I'm mentally incompetent and I can't walk, and I can beat the hell out of both of them.

REPORTER: Do you want to reply to any of those reports, and also to the fact that there are some Democrats who are now questioning whether you should have run for reelection in the first place?

BIDEN: Why didn't they run against me then? Because I'd have beaten them.

REPORTER: Do you have any regrets?

BIDEN: No, I don't have any regrets.

Note that a "journalist" opened this line of questioning by asserting, WITHOUT EVIDENCE, that Biden "looks good" and "speaks powerfully."
But how could they report that? Did they have insiders confirming that? Did they have a medical doctor certifying he "looks good" and "speaks powerfully?"
Biden gives shpeesh on "American democrashhy" which includes lots of unhinged yelling, a weird triple repetition of the same line, and coughing
Jake Tapper says you can't report that he continues to slur his words without a Democrat Party-approved expert confirming that he's slurring words, or a Biden insider admitting it
Forgotten "80s" Mystery Click
You are gold... and... silver!
BTW, the movie is dogsh*t. You just saw the only three minutes worth watching.
Forgotten 70s Non-Musical Sci-Fi Mystery Click
Anyone remember this? The author licensed a bunch of covers from sci-fi books and packaged them as a supposed guide to Spacecraft: 2000 to 2100 AD, published by the "Terran Trade Authority," along with fictitious ship names and made-up specifications.
spacecraft2000to2100AD.jpg
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: CBD and J.J. Sefton rip Michael Steele for being an absolute fool, the economy is looking good, Harvard is looking bad, we are bored with Ukraine, and more!
Finland 'preparing for the worst' amid major Russian military expansion
Would this be happening had we not brought Finland into NATO? [CBD]
Trans High School Track & Field Athlete Dominates, Qualifies For California State Finals In Multiple Events
And Governor Hair -Gel has done nothing! Way to kill your presidential aspirations! [CBD]
From the tenacious Melanie Phillips: Blood on their hands "Canadian and British prime ministers Mark Carney and Sir Keir Starmer and French president Emmanuel Macron, praised by Hamas for denouncing Israel" [CBD]
It's Sherlock Holmes Day so I'll finally finish The Hound of the Baskervilles, I promise
Update: My kindle won't turn on. I'll try to finish it by next Sherlock Holmes Day
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« Finally Somebody Said It | Main | Don't Expect the New York Times to Highlight This 9-11 Commission Finding »
July 22, 2004

Mystical Artifacts Removed From Top-Secret Government Warehouse

Sandy Berger Claims "Mishandling" of Ark of the Covenant "Entirely Inadvertent"

W A S H I N G T O N -- The location of the warehouse is one of the most closely-guarded secrets of the American government. Some say it is a former uranium mine situated somewhere in the Appallachians of West Virginia, 1200 feet beneath the surface of the earth. Others say it was originally a bomb-shelter constructed to house the all 535 Congressmen and their families in case of a nuclear attack on the US.

Wherever the warehouse is actually located, it is closely guarded by an elite team of US Marines deputized to the National Archives service.

And reports say that several of the warehouse's most important objects are missing. Former Clinton National Security Advisor Sandy Berger is being questioned by the FBI in connection with the lost treasures.

"Sandy Berger is cooperating fully with the FBI," his lawyer, Lanny Breuer, informed a credulous Washington press corps on Wednesday. "He is voluntarily answering questions, and he's been completely forthcoming and honest in detailing his actions inside the warehouse. He's very sorry that he made an error in judgment in inadvertently putting the lost Ark of the Covenant into his shorts and then leaving with it."

The Ark of the Covenant is reportedly two cubits high, 2.5 cubits long, and 1.5 cubits in breadth. It is said to weigh approximately 400 pounds.

"I mishandled the lost Ark of the Covenant," Berger himself has admitted to authorities. "I'm a very sloppy guy. If you saw my desk, you'd understand I'm just forever accidentally slipping powerfully-magical lost Israelite relics into my socks and my trousers. One time I accidentally took the Dead Sea Scrolls with me on a vacation in Nantucket. It's an understandable enough mistake, and I hope to resolve this issue quietly and as soon as possible."

While the Washington press corps was more than eager to accept this explanation as plausible, several questions remain. Most importantly: Where, exactly, is the Ark of the Covenant at the moment?

Mr. Berger could offer no satisfactory answers. "I'm not sure where the Ark is right now," he has said through his lawyer. "I think I might have accidentally discarded it somewhere. Again, if you saw how messy my house was, you would understand how very innocent all of this is. On one occasion, I accidentally used the only known true copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead to light a barbecue fire. I tell you-- sometimes I swear I'd forget my own head if it weren't stuffed so snuggly up my ass."

Democrats and their cheering section in the media were quick to point fingers at Republicans for the "suspicious timing" of the leak about Berger's mishandling of the Ark.

"We've got the Democratic National Convention coming up," liberal strategist Chris Lehane complained. "We've got the 9-11 report. And suddenly, just at this moment, we have all this buzz and bother about what Sandy Berger might or might not have stolen from an ultra-secret warehouse. This is nothing but a well-orchestrated leak intended to distract us away from more important news, and focus us on trivialities, like the legendary repository of the Ten Commandments being missing."

"So they claim it's a Holy Weapon of God Himself. Big deal," Lehane continued. "You know what else are a Holy Weapons of God Himself? Campaign finance reform. Free health care for seniors. Civil unions. But I don't hear anyone talking about those issues."

Ark_In_Battle.png
Israelite WMD: An artist's conception of the Ark in action.

New York Times columnist Paul Krugman was quick to amplify the charge. "We've constructed numerous copies of the Ark during our seventy years of researching its supernatural powers," Krugman notes in his latest column, Raiders of the Lost Democracy. "So Sandy Berger took the original. We still have duplicates. Now, maybe those duplicates don't possess quote-unquote 'the Holy Might of God Himself' or quote-unquote 'Raw Supernatural Power Equivalent to a Hydrogen Bomb,' but they're still available for inspection by the 9-11 commission."

The national media was quick to accept this interpretation, until another question was raised: Where are the two Sankara stones recovered by the American military from a crocodile-infested river in India in the mid-1950's?

Mr. Berger claimed he had no recollection of taking those mystical relics, but he allowed that sometimes he stuffs large magical rocks into his trousers, "because [he] likes the cooling feel of stone on [his] balls."

"If you've ever seen my hot, sweaty, stinky balls, you'd understand that," Mr. Berger explained.

Chris Lehane personally vouched for the truthfulness of Berger's claim. "Sandy's balls are notoriously hot and fetid," he attested. "You go into his shorts, and it's like you're in rabbit-hutch during a midsummer rutting."

In related news, the FBI is probing a suspicious "gift" given by Sandy Berger to presidential candidate John Kerry in June.

The gift was reportedly a Ron Popeil Showtime Rotisserie Oven, apparently of a limited-edition variety, crafted entirely of gold and lapis-lazuli and with ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and kneeling golden cherubs/eagles upon its lid.

ark.jpg
An FBI sketch of John Kerry's new rotisserie, based on witness descriptions.

Mr. Kerry has promised to present this rotisserie to the FBI for their inspection, but only after he's finished "cleaning" the oven. Mr. Kerry says that if he learned one lesson in Vietnam, "it's to never present the FBI with a dirty rotisserie."

He believes he'll have finished cleaning the insides of the oven sometime after November 2.

Update: SenatorPhilABuster has a scoop of his own on this score. It turns out that former president Clinton said that he was "laughing" about the Twice-Lost Ark:

"I remember the time I stopped by Sandy's office and he had the Holy Grail right there on the end of his desk. The next day, it was gone. I asked him what happened and he said that somewhere between his intensive preparations to capture Osama bin Laden and his crafting of a memo to ensure that our ports would be made more secure he had somehow managed to lose the sacred relic. We just laughed and laughed and laughed. That's just Sandy!"

Indeed.


posted by Ace at 04:44 PM