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Months ago, I reported that the final Zodiac cypher had been cracked and the name of the killer revealed. And the name of the killer turned out to be someone suspected in the unsolved Black Dahlia murder. The general tone of my mention of this was "serious you guys, this is real."
Well, it's not real. It's total bullshit.
Sorry about that. I did two things: 1, I bought into something, a conspiracy theory really, because it was new and exciting. And 2, I allowed a self-declared "expert" to snow me over with his "expert" claims about solving ciphers, an alleged expertise I could not challenge because I know practically nothing about codebreaking. I remember being similarly swindled by self-declared "experts" babbling about "chromatic aberrations." (Although I didn't really buy into that, but I found it "interesting" and I wasn't strongly skeptical about it. Hey they said they're "experts," they must know that they're talking about, right?)
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Selections from H.P. Lovecraft's Brief Tenure as a Whitman's Sampler Copywriter

Chocolate Cherry Cordial
You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon's true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.

Caramel Chew
There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

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Feel pathetic (sugar town)
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I'm jumping (you move)
No dancer (beside me)
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He was their living lawn jockey, period. They won't say that 'cause they're sensitive and down with his struggle and all. He was there to appease and flatter their sense of being uplifters of the oppressed. In truth, he served as their living lawn jockey -- no more, no less, and unworthy of even a second thought on their part. Tokenism, pure and simple.
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« Gore in 1992: Saddam a Terrorist, on a Crash-Program to Develop WMD's | Main | Recent Polls Show Bush Moving Into Lead in Key Swing States »
June 25, 2004

A Tale of Two "Documentaries"

Re: The Clinton Chronicles

All this might seem silly were it not for the fact that similar scandal-mongering was taken quite seriously during the Clinton years. The notorious 1994 video The Clinton Chronicles tied Bill Clinton to a series of "mysterious" deaths — "Since August 1991, an alarming number of Clinton associates have died of unnatural causes," it said — and helped spawn a small industry of Internet "Clinton body count" lists. Condemning The Clinton Chronicles and tying its unfounded accusations to the mainstream political opposition became a standard part of White House defense strategy in times of scandal. For example, in her famous "vast right-wing conspiracy" appearance on the Today show in January 1998, then-First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton complained about the "mean-spirited give and take of American politics right now," which included, she said, "accusing my husband of committing murder, of drug running." A few years earlier, Clinton operative George Stephanopoulos, speaking to the Washington Post, angrily said of the president's enemies, "They're accusing him of murders. . . . That's unheard of." The paper reported that Stephanopoulos "senses a conspiracy of sorts — a campaign of 'manufactured hate.'" And Bill Clinton himself often mentioned the accusations in an effort to show how unreasonable his opponents had become. "I've been accused of murder and all kinds of things," he said at a 1999 news conference. -- The Weekly Standard

Re: Fahrenheit 9-11

Two Thumbs Way Up!-- Siskel & Roeper

Winner, Palm d' Or-- Cannes Film Festival

It is, all in all, a legitimate abuse of power. -- the dipshit reviewer for the amateur leftist newsletter Slate (along the way he charges "conspiracy!" because the Secret Service were protecting the Saudi Embassy, another case of a movie reviewer assuming he knows stuff because he took twenty credits of film criticism at the Seton Hall School of Communications. He now corrects to admit that, yes, it has long been a Secret Service practice to guard embassies and ambassadors in Washington; but he's still very, very suspicious)


Okay, guys. Explain the distinction. I'm all ears.

Apparently a schlocky, extremist, dishonest "documentary" is bad when it's about Clinton, but good and useful "counterpropaganda" against Bush. Please explain your objective reasons for preferring the latter while subjecting us to ten years of whining over the former.


posted by Ace at 06:11 PM