Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!
Top Headlines
120 Jonah is to relevance what Epstein is to suicide.
Posted by: guy who always loves other guys

135 Jonah is flaunting cultural norms. He should be impeached.
Posted by: Mr. Peebles
Some advice about making a sex tape
They also might help you hunt down the leaker. That seems to be Disney's bag.
Comedian Bill Burr goes off on ABC and the media for covering up for Jeffrey Epstein (who did not kill himself)
He notes that the media is very interested in "vetting" average citizens and comedians who tell wrongthink jokes, but strangely uninterested in "vetting" their rich friends banging underaged kids on Epstein's pedophile Paradise Island
via Augustine
Fake Impeachment Hearing thread
I'll keep bumping this post so that it's the second post on the page.
Fake Impeachment Hearing thread
I'll keep bumping this post so that it's the second post on the page.
The Simpsons knows the truth
This is fake, by the way. And yet-- real.
You wouldn't expect the zombie TV timewaster the Simpsons to be daring, funny, or relevant, would you?
Too hot for the Bulwark! Bulwark superstar nepot (nepots do favors for other nepots) Molly-Jong Fast writes of three "legendary" sexists, Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh
She writes at Medium. I guess not even Pierre Omidyar's money was enough to get the Bulwark Brain Trust to publish this one.
Stunning and Brave: NBC filming Zorro series, featuring a (wait for it...) gender-swapped female Zorro
Also, a new "Rocketeer" series starring a (wait for it...) gender-swapped black female Rocketeer
It's just such an original idea and it just keeps making money!!! I mean, sure, Batwahmen, Supergirl, and The Watchmen (The Wokemen) are tanking, but it's gotta work one of these days, right?
"Resident Scholar" at Koch Kindergarten AEI: Mollie Hemingway named the whistleblower in order to facilitate death threats and harassment
I know that many donors to AEI do support this bullshit -- but do they all? Maybe it's time for the smart money to leave.
And maybe it's time for Republicans to reflexively oppose anything this Koch Kindergarten pushes
Legendary hockey announcer Don Cherry (he's the Canoehead version of Vin Scully or Harry Carey) fired for.....opining that immigrants to Canada should buy a poppy to honor Canadian war dead.
“People ... come here, whatever it is, you love our way of life, you love our milk & honey. At least you can pay a couple of bucks for poppies .. These guys pay for your way of life that you enjoy in Canada. These guys pay the biggest price."

And yes, they fired him on Remembrance Day. Disgraceful. [Weirddave]
Recent Entries
Saturday Overnight Open Thread (11/16/19)
The Occasional Fishing, Hunting, Rugged Outdoors Thread, Prometheus Edition [Bandersnatch]
Saturday Afternoon Chess Thread 11-16-2019
Ace of Spades Pet Thread
Saturday Gardening Thread, International Edition [KT]
To the Democrats Marie, Not Elise, was yesterday's star [KT]
Saturday Morning Coffee Break
EMT 11/16/19
My Country 'tis Of Thee, Sweet Land Of ONT, Of Thee I Sing
Donors to Andy Ngo's Medical Fund Doxxed by Antifa
Recent Comments
Eromero: "Joe Wilson @ 196, John C. West was Governor when I ..." [view]

Miklos, not a consumer of Chinese PLA products: "It's $1500 No joke Posted by: Bertram Cabot ..." [view]

Hall Dall MD: "199 Did Charlie's Angels really need a second reb ..." [view]

Miklos, unfooled: "British armored vehicles since at least WWII have ..." [view]

pep: "[i]--Mandatory: Posted by: logprof[/i]Wow, that ..." [view]

Bertram Cabot, Jr.: " [i]I saw Motorola has a new flip phone smart pho ..." [view]

Winston a dreg of society: "Hi Nurse! I've been over Deception Pass many time ..." [view]

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "Ooops /Chong ..." [view]

logprof: "Terrible ball security by Sooners ..." [view]

Rae Dawn Chong: "Some Soviet cars had separate alcohol fueled heate ..." [view]

Yudhishthira's Dice: "Shredded newspapers and paraffin in egg cartons al ..." [view]

sock_rat_eez, we are being gaslighted 24/365[/b][/u][/i][/s]: "" My best guess is that evaporation produced cold ..." [view]

not so: "Regarding firestarting tools, flint/steel, ferrite ..." [view]

avni: "best article ever..I found your blog on google and ..." [view]

IllTemperedCur: " As for fire starting material, dryer lint. Light ..." [view]


Bloggers in Arms

Talk Of The Town with Steve Noxon
American Digest
The Anchoress
Belmont Club
Betsy's Page
The Bitch Girls
Blackfive, Paratrooper of Love
Blonde Sagacity
California Conservative
Chicago Boyz
Classical Values
Cold Fury
The Country Store
Cowboy Blob
Cranky Neocon
Da Goddess
Daily Lunch
Daily Pundit
The Daily Recycler (Vidblog)*
Daleks Weblog
Daly Thoughts
Ilyka Damen
Damn the Man
Dave Munger
Dave's Not Here
Dawn Eden
Day by Day (Cartoon)
Demure Thoughts
Enter Stage Right
Eternity Road
Dean Esmay
The Fat Guy
File It Under
Ghost of a Flea
Grim's Hall
Hell in a Handbasket
Victor Davis Hanson
Hugh Hewitt
The House of Payne
JamieR (Classics)
Just One Minute
Le Sabot Post-Moderne
Lileks/The Bleat
Likelihood of Confusion Law Blog
Michelle Malkin
Memeorandum (Metablog) Mind of Mog
My Pet Jawa
Oh, That Liberal Media
Outside the Beltway
Patterico's Pontifications
The Perfect World (Discussion Forum)
The People's Cube
New Hampshire Review
Protein Wisdom
The Pundit Guy
Q & O
Riehl Worldview (Carnivorous Conservative)
Say Anything Blog
Seraphic Press
Roger L. Simon
Six Meat Buffet
Ten Fingers Six Strings
Traction Control/US Citizen
Two Crackas in My Soup
Twisted Spinster
An Unamplified Voice (Music/Opera)
Viking Pundit
The Wardrobe Door
White Pebble (Politics/Poetry)
Whitney Gaskell (Author)
Michael Williams/Master of None
Faces From Ace's
The Rogues' Gallery.
Syndicate this site (XML)

Powered by
Movable Type 2.64

« Yet Another Re-Post: The Donkey | Main | He Scored a Soccer Ball »
October 19, 2004

Are You Ready To Vote? The Ace of Spades HQ Voter Checklist

Let me remind everyone that conservative Pat Toomey lost by a fairly thin margin to liberal Arlen Specter (who of course voted to acquit Clinton based on "Scottish law" and also founded the James-Bond-hatin' evil organization SPECTER; I think he also produced some records and shot a whore or something).

After that election, I had quite a few Pennsylvania readers (no names) admit that they hadn't voted. They could have nominated a good conservative for Senator; but they chose to sit on their asses and watch fucking re-runs of Family Matters.

For crying out loud-- VOTE. It doesn't matter if you're in a safe state. There aren't any excuses. I live in New York City, and I myself have exposed myself to the risk of jury duty to actually register my ass for this one.

If I can vote in NYC, there's really no excuse for you not voting.

At any rate, you should not only vote, but you should prepare yourself to vote, just like you were supposed to do before, say, taking the SAT's. To that end, I've compiled the following checklist of things you'll want to lay out for yourself Monday, November 1st, if not earlier.

Voting Checklist:

Correct and verified directions to your actual polling place-- use MapQuest if you're not sure

Comfortable shoes, like sneakers or, say, Hush Puppies, which will give you the confidence to vote straight Evil Republican down the line

Phone numbers and emails of sluggish conservatives you know-- yell at them until they vote

Three number 2 pencils, a gum eraser, and one of those little plastic pencil sharpeners that doesn't ever fucking work anyway and just cuts the tip off your pencil

Pornographic magazines and/or "marital aids," because, as some comic once observed, standing in line can be such a fucking bore

Four six-sided dice, because you never know when some ultra-hot busty blonde is going to ask you to "roll up a character"

Crackers, preferably oyster, but honestly, it's your call

One box of wine spiked with hospital-grade codeine, just in case your wife or girlfriend tells you she's "leaning towards Barbara Boxer;" yeah, she'll be really pissed off that you drugged her, but then, no one comes off codeine in a bad mood, either

A print-out of this picture:

which is Oliver Willis, in case you didn't know; you'll want to look at that picture, and imagine that loathesome jackass giggling like a schoolgirl on November 3rd if Kerry should win

One forged, confusing butterfly ballot to hand out to old people who look like they might be voting for John Kerry (hint: look for buttons reading Arms are made for hugging or some queer Up-With-People shit like that)

Your "lucky voting shirt"

Proper ID, consisting of either a current Driver's ID or Passport, if you live in one of three jurisdictions in America where only American citizens are allowed to vote

One crisp ten (10) dollar bill, which you can discretely slip to a poll-worker as you encourage her to "Keep it honest"

Breath mints-- because there's never a second chance to make a first impression

Plenty of Eukenuba brand dog-treats, for feeding dogs of fellow Republicans as they vote; Eukenuba brand dog treats taste great, and even if they don't, who gives a shit? You're feeding them to fucking dogs, anyway. They've got to taste better than other dog-favorites, like "some other dog's dirty ass" or "my own sweaty dog-balls" or "some nasty liquid I saw on the street and I decided I just had to stick my fucking tongue into"

This MIDI file downloaded into your iPod-- do you really want to hear this fucking song Election Night? I sure the fuck don't.

Ace of Spades brand Male Hygenic Spray, for those not-so-fresh election days

Your very best homemade Star Trek and/or Tron costume, because when you vote, you want to look cool doing so

Well, that's it. Lay out all those items on your couch the day before Election Day.


posted by Ace at 04:26 AM