Even Less Hot Than "Kelvin Lynn" Strumming His Doucheboy Folk Guitar While Trying to Pick Up a CISPES-G Chick: Greg sends this story, which I sorta suspect will be one of those stories that gets big play and then gets retracted in 48 hours.

Still, when someone sends you a link about a man "mistaking his penis for a chicken neck" and then cutting it off and feeding it to his dog before he realized his "mistake," you link that story.

That's my policy:

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency says.

The report on Monday said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

"Out of danger?" That's one way to put it.

Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy.

Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened.

My time is far too precious to make up jokes about this, but I can make up a few punchlines. Fill in the straight lines as you see fit.

Top Ten Punchlines About Man Who Mistook His Penis For A Chicken Neck and Fed It To His Dog

10. "In fairness, you can understand my mistake. It was up every morning at the crack of dawn waking the neighbors. And, also, it had bright red wattles."

9. "Yes, but apart from that, how did the soup turn out?"

8. "Hey, that's not a beak, that's your vas deferens!"

7. "Say what you will, but my dog's coat is shinier and healthier than ever."

6. "And so, having been tricked by a crafty chicken into cutting off his genitals, he swore vengeance upon the entire Chicken-Race. That man's name? Frank Perdue, the Ahab of Poultry."

5. "Snausages!"

4. "I used to think it was cool to drop a tab of acid before taking off my pants and spending the night butchering poultry. Now, I'm not so sure."

3. "Stop him before he goes for the gibblets!"

2. "It's just not a party until someone chops off his weiner and feeds it to a wolfhound."

...and the Number One Punchline About the Man Who Mistook His Penis for a Chicken Neck and Then Fed It To His Dog...

1. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about the penis you chopped off after mistaking it for a chicken-neck. We can only apply a salve and attempt to make you comfortable. What kind of salve would you like-- Barbecue, Honey-Mustard, or Mesquite?"