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August 01, 2021

Food Thread: Pork-Crusted Pork...A Match Made In Heaven!


I haven't had a burger in weeks, and I feel sort of dirty and un-American because of it. One reason is that I have decided to make my own buns using a sort of complicated recipe, but mostly because the weather hasn't cooperated. Every time I think "BURGERS!" God thinks rain. And my next burger is going to be a smash burger made on the grill, because I am just damned tired of cleaning burger grease off the floor and ceiling and backsplash and my shoes and...

Yup...smash burgers with American cheese: individually wrapped slices of course. And maybe a pickle or three, but that's about it.


I ordered Berkshire pork rib chops from a mail order joint a few weeks ago, and discovered to my delight that they were excellent quality and reasonably priced. So off to my computer I ran, only to discover that the price had increased by 25% in two weeks. Anyone with a passing relationship with reality (that apparently doesn't include the Fed or our feckless and worthless and evil administration) knows that inflation is coming...and hard. I think most people notice fuel and food inflation first, because those are regular purchases. But there is no reason to assume that they are the only things inflating as a result of a catastrophic and decades-long climate of stupidity and venal short-term thinking in the corridors of power.

What strikes me as indicative of a long inflationary cycle is the conspicuous lack of price decreases among seasonal products. For instance New Jersey is famous for its tomatoes*, and of course as the summer heats up and every farm in the state is pumping out as many as they can grow, the prices have, in the past, come down from the first crop's heady price. But not this year. That suggests to me that farmers and others have internalized a prolonged inflationary spiral and realize that they must get ahead of it or flounder.

*Yes, they are good. But they are not the best in the country, and anyone who suggests that needs to get out more.



Commenter Blake's wife has recently allowed him to use the power tools in the garage. With supervision of course. And judging by his handiwork he should probably stick to woodworking instead of commenting around here, because he...um...well...how does one say this politely?

Let's just say his next project will be to cross the street on his own.


Speaking of cutting boards, One of the advantages of plastic boards is that they can be tossed into the dishwasher on the surface-of-the-sun cycle, bleached, cleaned with HCL, and they will probably survive. Wooden boards? Not so much. They definitely require more care, but damn, they are just better!

I just bought a big plastic board at a local restaurant supply house, and while it is easy to clean and it's nice and light, because the surface is new the food slides around on it, and I need a wet towel underneath it so it doesn't slide off the counter and onto the floor.

Wooden cutting boards just behave better, feel better under the knife, and seem to allow better and more precise cutting, no doubt because they are slightly softer than plastic and allow the blade to sink in ever so slightly farther, and that makes all the difference in the world.


Well, why the hell not?
porkcrusted bacon.jpg

Pork Rind Coated Baconz!

4-6 strips of thick cut bacon
1 3-oz bag of plain pork rinds, finely crushed
1 egg
dash of cream

1 - Pre-heat oven to 375F
2 - Line baking pan/cookie sheet with foil
3 - Beat egg and cream
4 - Dip each strip of bacon in egg wash
5 - Dredge through crushed pork rinds
6 - Place on rack in baking pan
7 - Repeat for strips 2 thru 4 or 6
8 - Bake in oven ~30 minutes

The recipe is approximately the same for pork chops, though you get two chops covered per 3-oz bag. Ditto chicken breast (pounded to <1/2" thick): one breast per 3-oz bag.

I tried a slight modification for chicken breast by adding about a quarter cup of Parmesan cheese, also run through the food processor.

Long Time Moron Butch


I ran out of both rye and whole wheat flour and was too lazy or forgetful to buy more. So yesterday I was forced to slum and make a sourdough boule out of plain old white flour. I used the same proportions that I have been using for a couple of years, and I found that the dough was much wetter and slacker than the rye/white or rye/whole wheat/white versions.

It's not a problem, because after dozens of tries at making sourdough boules I have become reasonably good at handling the dough, even when it is wetter and stickier than I expect. It's not difficult, it just takes lots and lots of practice, which is okay by me because I get a kick out of doing it.

What? No...of course not. There is no point. Are you new around here?


From commenter "Duncanthrax" comes an easy one!
Here's a conundrum for CBD:

Y'all can come to El Rancho del Duncanthrax and enjoy pecan-smoked Armadillo Eggs. You might even get to see an armadillo. But your host is a known Grade B pure maple syrup on French Toast consumer. Which would reign supreme?

(For those going to attempt Armadillo Eggs for the first time, gloves when prepping the jalapeños are NOT optional. Also, do not touch your eyes or mucous membranes until finished, gloves carefully disposed of, and hands washed several times.)

I would happily eat the proffered Armadillo Eggs, and probably ask for thirds. In return I would act as the evening's bartender, making so many Rye Manhattans with maple syrup that my hosts would be quite happy...and out of syrup.


If the Food ThreadTM doesn't appear next week, rest assured it is because I was consumed by runaway basil plants, not unlike kudzu...

The damned stuff is growing fast. Too fast. It is blocking out my thyme plants and is making noises about taking over the Rosemary in the next pot.

I see Roundup in its future.

Or pesto.


Dildo's Public Service Announcement: Do not start to make your own tortilla chips. They are better, in fact they are great, but that way lies madness!

Your own salsa on the other hand....Yes!


Avocados sans thumbprints, beef short ribs that have meat on them (not the stupid little sliver of bone they sneak into the packages), carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs, well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm watching you...all of you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.

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posted by CBD at 04:00 PM

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