Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups






















« The Myths, Legends, and Tall Tales Begin Crumbling... | Main | The Daisy Ad Has Nothing on the SwiftVets »
August 20, 2004

Ace of Spades HQ Flashback: Friday's Bonus Top Ten

Well, I kinda like my Bigfoot list, and I'm hoping for some fresh traffic.

So, maybe I'll put up this personal-favorite Top Ten that most of the new readers haven't ever seen.

"I'm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop. I think there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think you'd better listen to it pretty carefully, 'cause it's important.

"I'm still listening because I know that it's a reflection of the street and a reflection of life, and I understand all that." -- John "The Pandering Princeling" Kerry

...from the special one-time Home Office in Compton, LA...

Top Ten Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Forbes Kerry

10. Is on record as a staunch opponent of "frontin'" oil corporations, but supports small family-owned businesses which are "just tryin' to represent"

9. Frequently concludes anti-Bush speeches by dropping microphone and exposing his "Senator Thug" belly-tatoo

8. Never once worked for the man; got himself some high-payin' bitches and has just been pimpin' and chillin' with the bling-bling ever since

7. Pro-"jimmies," but favors controlling "nines"

6. Developed his own martial arts style combining elements of Korean Hapkiddo and pop n' lock "robot" technique of Boogaloo Shrimp from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

5. Has dedicated his public life to helping working American families get the tools and assistance they need for raising their "shorties"

4. Starred in late-eighties "rap-com," The Fresh Brahmin of Beacon Hill; series featured frequent cameos by senior Senator from Massachusetts, DJ Pantless Ted

3. Wrote and co-sponsored SR 371, nicknamed the "Truth and Quality in Dropping Rhymes Bill;" bill had laudable goal of finally outlawing "suckah MC's who gots no skills," but was defeated by a posse of playah-hatin' Southern Republicans on a voice-vote

2. Known for always "keeping his pimp-hand strong" when negotiating in conference

...and the Number One Sign of Hip-Hop Influence Hip-Hop on John Forbes Kerry...

1. Ron Smart's XFL nickname, "He Hate Me," was actually borrowed from Kerry's 1992 Senatorial re-election campaign slogan, "He Legislate Me"

Update-- Runners Up:

During Impeachment Trial, gave impassioned defense of Clinton in which he pleaded with fellow Senators, "Don't hate the player-- hate the game"

Vietnamese hooker singing "Me So Horny" on 2 Live Crew's eponymous single is actually John Kerry's illegitimate 'Cong daughter

Think MC Hammer's originated those Sultan-of-Swoop parachute pants? Check out John Kerry's June 1988 appearance on Meet the Press -- notice anything familiar?

Accepted a 1997 BET Spirit Award for Lifetime Achievement on behalf of Klyymaxx

At 1999 Rap for Reproductive Rights, explained the importance of the constitutional right to abortion first announced in the seminal case, Rizzle Vizzle Wadizzle

At his acceptance speech at Democratic National Convention, Kerry gave much love to the Creator, all peace to JC, props to his producers No-Bonze and Jellything from Bad Boy Entertainment, and a special "shout-out" to his agent Myron G. Herskovitz


digg this
posted by Ace at 03:53 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
BurtTC: "Brad Pitt is an underrated actor because of his pr ..."

tubal: "346 Sandra Bullock seems to have disappeared. Pos ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b] : "According to IMDb, Rachael Taylor is still working ..."

weft cut-loop[/i][/b] [/s]: "[i]His turn as the Perverted Fed with the Dildo Ch ..."

Cuthbert the Witless: "336 Brad Pitt is an underrated actor because of hi ..."

Polliwog the 'Ette: "That's malarkey. We saw video of him, clearly toot ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b] : "[i]Brad Pitt is an underrated actor because of his ..."

Sebastian Melmoth: "Sandra Bullock seems to have disappeared. ..."

OneEyedJack: "There is not one George Clooney movie I like. P ..."

Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher: "TCM had Gone With the Wind on last night, with Car ..."

Pia Zadora[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[i]There are a lot of actresses that Hollywood cas ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b] : "[i] Croatian gasoline. That stuff is NASTY. Poste ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64