These Are Not Something.

Hollywood needs content, but their creatives are not creative.

So they just remix and regurgitate old stuff.

The Golden Girls was a popular show. So they've taken the original audio from a show, created a cheap animation for it, re-set it in the year 3033, added a silly backstory about them finding the Fountain of Youth (but keeping the secret for themselves), and added a few lame visual gags.

This is a pilot, I guess. I guess they're hoping for a positive reaction so they can start animating whole seasons of the old show.

And then, of course: they can begin animating All The Old Shows.

Hill Street Blues: The Animated Series.

It's a Gundam asks an obvious question: If people want to watch the Golden Girls, why... why not just watch the actual Golden Girls? Do Zoomers just need The Olds replaced with silly-billy cartoon characters?

Is this just Golden Girls for ADD Millennials who are really stoned on the ultra-powerful legal pot that is now available?

Some background about the next vile item, for you younger people who are not yet almost 29: Back in, I don't know, 1997 or something, Rob Zombie made a couple of songs that didn't sound like anything else. They were kind of cool. Not great, but they were fun and, again, different. Dragula was one I liked, and More Human Than Human was another.

But Rob Zombie decided he was a director, and for reasons I don't understand, many people in Hollywood decided to indulge him in this belief. And for over 25 years we've had to endure the four most accursed words in the English language: "Directed by Rob Zombie."

(Actually I just know him from his bad Halloween remake. Mark Andrew Edwards says he's a good director. I shouldn't have just run my mouth like a punk. Although this next clip does look horrible.)

And now we're down this. This, which seems to be some kind of legal-obligation project, a la Roger Corman's Fantastic Four, a piece of crap crapped out on tight deadline and even tighter budget to keep the rights to an IP.

Via flounder, someone was given the assignment "make a sport that's like soccer and hackey-sack, and also like ping-pong, only 100% gayer, if you can possibly manage that," and this is what they came up with.

I think they satisfied their Design Parameters.

posted by Ace at 04:34 PM

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