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Food Thread: Paella...It's Back, And Better Than Ever!

Some friends had a paella-fest, which makes me quite sad that I was not able to attend. How Dare They eat well without me!

On closer inspection it's even more awful! Those are smoked pork ribs on top of the usual suspects, and that is an excellent idea that I will be using for my next paella.

But the best part really is that it was cooked on a grill. That touch of smoke adds immeasurably to the dish, which is already one of the joys of casual cooking. And I mean that. It is casual and easy. Anyone can make paella.

That doesn't mean that it isn't a lot of work, because it is. But there is nothing complicated about the process or the technique, and if you have an appropriate pan and a grill big enough, there is the added joy of standing around with a beer or bourbon in hand, lovingly tending dinner as your friends kibitz and question your every move!

I guess someone can get pissy about those ribs not being part of the genuine article from Valencia. And you know? Classic paella is great! And so are the 800 variations on it, including the one from my kitchen and the one in the photo.

I don't recall ever eating crappy paella, and I love the stuff and will order it sometimes and make it whenever I feel like feeding 10 people out of one pan. So don't worry too much about being authentic and just concentrate on when to put the various proteins into the pan so they all cook perfectly. That's the only challenge; everything else is pretty damned easy.

But don't forget to toast the rice on the bottom of the pan in the last few minutes of the cooking...that's the best part. it even has a name! Socarratt!

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This is a tough one for me. On one hand I despise the overreach of the federal government into the private business of a seemingly well-intentioned man. Bringing the full weight of the regulatory state to bear, complete with their jack-booted thugs is an inappropriate response, no matter what.

Armed Feds Pay a Visit: Amish Farmer Faces Hundreds of Thousands in Fines

In March, George Lapsley, a court-appointed expert, was to receive "unimpeded access" to Miller's farm to inspect the facilities, according to Food Safety News. On March 11, Lapsley reported that Mr. Miller did not fully cooperate and requested assistance from the U.S. Marshals Service.

Federal Judge Edward G. Smith of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania then ordered that the USMS was authorized to use whatever reasonable force was necessary to gain entry into the facilities it is authorized to inspect.

Furthermore, according to Food Safety News, the court's order permited Lapsley to make unannounced visits to Miller's farm. Presumably, this meant anytime, day or night. Never mind God, Big Brother is here.

But on the other hand, I think that there is a role to be played by government in the safe production and handling of food. A small role. Perhaps an advisory role and only when that food crosses state lines.

But on the third hand, the feds are so spectacularly incompetent and mendacious that I really don't believe a damned thing they say, and this farmer may be producing perfectly safe food that has gotten the G-men's attention because he doesn't play by their rules. You know...the rules that are created by unelected bureaucrats because our Congress is a cruel joke, populated by craven cowards who abrogated their responsibilities many years ago.

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We here at the palatial Dildo estates have a pretty serious peanut butter habit. I will often purchase the 40 ounce jars from Walmart, because they were very nicely priced and would ship for free with a reasonable minimum order.

March 29th: $5.96/jar

May 22nd: $12.48/jar

And you know what makes it even better? The last jar in the cupboard is on a recall list for possible Salmonella contamination.

I blame Biden and his illegitimate junta.

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I'll be making The Barefoot Contessa's Tuscan Lemon Chicken for dinner tonight, so remind me to tell you how it was next week.

Ina Garten is an irritating, pompous leftist whose cooking shows are populated by a never-ending parade of gay men. I have no idea why, and mostly I don't care. It's just weird that she doesn't have any friends or suppliers who aren't gay.

But the lady can cook, and she can write a good recipe, so I'll keep her around.

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Halloumi is a hardish cheese, originally from Cyprus, that takes to the grill and pan exceedingly well. You can brown it on the stove and eat it alone or on bread or whatever floats your boat, and it is delicious. Toasted cheese is rarely bad...just ask Robert Louis Stevenson in "Treasure Island!"

Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese--toasted mostly.

Grilled Halloumi Cheese with Mushrooms

This is sort of busy for a very simple and easy to prepare food like Halloumi, but it might be fun.

Although, to be honest? I probably won't make it. Browning Halloumi in a pan is so easy and yields such a delicious snack that I can't be bothered with this preparation.

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That's 10 minutes of prep and a grand total of 51.5 hours of cooking time. Those pork chops will each feed two people. Those beef short ribs are enough for six.

And lest you think that I am settling with a sub-standard cooking method, I defy you to make either one of those dishes as well as I can with conventional cooking methods. Some things just work better with Sous Vide!

You won't catch me making a steak or fish or many chicken dishes with Sous Vide...it is an excellent method, but not the ONLY method!

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Our society doesn't deserve to survive if this is at all typical.

[Hat Tip: Misanthropic Humanitarian]

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Romaine lettuce that is green, instead of the white crap they sell that has never seen a photon, pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm watching you...all of you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.