Saturday Afternoon Chess Thread

Hi everyone! Oregon Muse is under the weather this weekend, so his threads were split among the other COBs, and I got the chess thread! So let's talk about chess.

Chess is one of the oldest games known to mankind. It originated in the Middle East many centuries ago. It is a board game played on an 8 X 8 grid, with markers representing various ranks in a typical royal household of the period.

Chess board

The game starts with each player placing 12 disc shaped pieces known as “pawns” on the 12 rearmost black squares of their home side.

Chess, starting positions

Each player then rolls 1d20 for initiative. The player with the highest roll goes first. If both players roll the same number, they must shout “Jinx!”, the player that is slowest to shout out must provide the other player with a Coke. They then re-roll until one player has a higher number, that player moves first, alternating moves with the opposing player.

Pawns may only move forward, one space per turn, diagonally, staying on the black squares. The pawn captures an enemy piece by “jumping” it. If the opposing player moves a piece adjacent to a pawn on a black square, and the square beyond the enemy piece is empty, the pawn may “jump” the enemy piece to the empty square, causing the enemy piece to be removed from the board. In the only exception to the one move per turn rule for pawns, the pawn may continue to “jump” enemy pieces as long as it is able to do so, restricted by the rule that pawns can only move forward, diagonally, always staying on black squares. Each time a player jumps another piece he must shout “Yahtzee!”, if he fails to do so before the other player shouts “tag back!” this triggers an annulment and the jumping piece is removed from the board while the defending piece retains its position. After a pawn successfully jumps one or more enemy pieces, it receives a promotion and this is where the true strategy of chess comes into play.

Once a pawn jumps a single enemy piece, it is promoted. The pawn disc is removed from the board, and it is replaced by a piece resembling a horse, known as a knight.

Knight

The knight's movement is unique: it may move two squares vertically and one square horizontally, or two squares horizontally and one square vertically (with both forming the shape of an L). Like the pawn it may jump over other pieces during it's turn, but these pieces are not removed from the board. It captures an enemy piece by landing on it. Because of the unique 2 and 1 (or 21) movement, a player must shout “Blackjack!” when capturing an enemy piece with a knight, he then draws one card from a standard 52 card poker deck. If he fails to yell blackjack and the opposing player yells "I call", the opposing player draws a card. The first two cards drawn by each player are placed face down at his end of the board. These are known as “hole” cards.

If a pawn jumps two enemy pieces in a turn ( a “double jump” ), it is promoted to bishop. The bishop resembles a staff with a slot in the top.

Bishop

Like the pawn, the bishop may only travel on the diagonal. Unlike the pawn he can move as many spaces as he wants, but the bishop may not jump any opposing pieces. Like the knight he captures a piece by landing on it. The attacking player must shout “Deus Vult!” and draw a card when capturing an enemy piece with a bishop, if he fails to do so and tghe opposing player shouts "I call", the opposing player draws a card. Once the bishop comes into play, cards drawn are placed in the slot in the top of the bishop piece, facing the player that owns the bishop. The opposing player may not see his opponent's card. Every 5 turns each player gets to ask the other “Got any (name of card)?” If a bishop is carrying the named card, that card must be surrendered to the opponent who places it face up at his end of the board, separate from the hole cards. These cards are known as “wild cards”.

If a pawn successfully makes a triple jump, it is promoted to rook, a piece resembling a castle turret.

Rook

Rooks move like the bishop, except only horizontally and vertically. When a rook captures an enemy piece the victory cry is “Dead for a ducat, dead!”, the same rules for drawing cards as the knight apply.

If a pawn makes the rare quadruple jump, it is promoted to queen.

Queen

Queens may move in any direction, and capture pieces by landing on them, but once a queen moves it may not move again for 2 turns. Traditionally this delay represents the long time it takes for women to get ready to go anywhere. When a queen captures a piece, the victory cry is “Off with their heads” and the same card rules as the rook and knight apply.

Cards are drawn as outlined above. The first two cards drawn are placed face down on the side of the board nearest to the player that drew them, the aforementioned hole cards. Once a player has filled his hole cards, the next three cards drawn by either player are placed face up next to the board, these cards are known as “the flop”. The next card drawn by either player is also placed face up, this is known as “The turn”. Once a player has played the turn, he can draw no more cards. The other player must then earn a card draw, that card is placed face up and is known as “The River”. Once the river is played, no more cards are drawn.

The exception to this rule is the bishop. When the bishop captures an enemy piece, a card is always drawn and placed in the bishop's slot. If the bishop is already carrying a card, the new card replaces it and the old card is discarded.

The object of the game is to promote a pawn to king. A pawn is promoted to king when it reaches a square on the opponents back or “home” row. If a pawn enters the back row by jumping another piece, it is not promoted to king but rather to the appropriate piece as noted above. Thus the only pawns eligible to be promoted to king are ones that never jumped another piece while moving down the board. This is known as a "natural".

King

When a pawn reaches the back row, the player controlling the pawn says “Shah Mat”, which is Persian for “King me, motherfucker”. Kings can move one square in any direction, and their victory cry is “Kneel before Zod!”. Kings CAN be captured and removed from the board.

Victory can be achieved in several ways.

#1 One player captures all of his opponents pawns before they reach his home row. If this occurs, victory is achieved when that player promotes a pawn to king.

#2 Both players promote a pawn to king. When this occurs, the player that can make the best poker hand (from his hole cards, the flop, the turn and the river, plus any cards his bishops are carrying and any wild cards he holds) is declared the winner.

If both players lose all their pawns before any of them can be promoted to king, or if there is no possibility of a king being produced and there is no king on the board, the game is considered a stalemate.

And there you have it. That's chess. Seems pretty simple, right?

posted by WeirdDave at 05:00 PM

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