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October 13, 2016

Dating: Life Advice For Morons By Morons [Warden]

A blog post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago about balancing work, money and family sparked some interesting discussion in the comments. As I scanned through everyone's take on things, one of the younger Ace of Spades morons mentioned that he wished he could ask some of the older members about the wisdom they'd drawn from their life experiences.

I love this idea and thought I'd jump start a discussion by listing some of the words of advice I plan on passing along to my two boys. My first thought was to make one blog post on this, but once I stared writing, I realize that there's a lot of ground to cover, so I decided to make this into a series if this post is well received. We'll start with dating advice for today.

Please keep in mind that this is a male-centric list written by a father specifically for his sons as they explore the dating/relationship terrain through high school into early adulthood. Daughters are another story and I would have left that advice to my wife if we'd had girls.

This list is by no means exhaustive, nor do I think I have all the answers. It's meant to serve as a jumping off point for the Moron Horde to chew on and add their own take on things.

Some of you will take issue with what I've written and feel compelled to argue and... well, let's just be honest-- generally be humongous dicks about everything under the sun. When you respond in this way, I will keep in mind that it's mostly just your sexual frustration and tiny pee pees talking and won't take it personally.

Dating Advice For Young Men

Whether you realize it or not, your ultimate goal in dating is almost certainly to find a spouse. So begin with the end in mind. Pursue the kind of women you'd likely want to marry. Hint; you probably won't find your future wife in a bar, but you might find her in church, school, a sporting event, a party, etc...

Play the odds. Avoid the woman getting all the male attention in the room. Don't even look at her. Hit up the most attractive woman in the room that no one is talking to.

Middle school and high school girls are crazy. Period. Don't try to figure them out. Most of what they do makes no sense. Don't take it personally.

Women aren't generally interested in slobs. You don't have to be a big homo about your hair and your clothes, but a little grooming goes a long way.

Stay in shape. Dating can be tough. It's a lot tougher when you're overweight.

It turns out that “just be yourself” is pretty good advice, but make sure it's your best side you're showing at first. This doesn't mean you have to be a fake. It does mean you should probably avoid showing all your flaws in the first 10 minutes of interaction.

When you spot someone you're interested in, be clear about your intentions from the start. If it's a date you want, call it a date when you ask. Muddying the water to avoid a “no” creates ambiguity that will only harm you.

Avoid giving a prospective girlfriend any excuse to pretend that you are “just friends.” This only sets you up for being used. Being direct is strength and keeps things clear and simple. Being indirect is weakness and muddies the water..

Don't waste a lot of time in pursing a woman. They tend to decide quickly whether you're in the “just friends” pile or the dating/sex pile. Force her hand early into a declarative yes or no. Ambiguity usually gets you strung along.

Never ask twice. If she says no to a date, move on and don't look back. Do not allow yourself to become someone's backup plan. If a woman ever changes her mind about how she feels about you, then she'll chase YOU down.

Playing the “nice guy” is dishonest and cowardly. Every guy wants the same things, ultimately. Running down men who are more successful with women is a loser's game.

Don't try to gal pal your way into a woman's heart, particularly when she's currently in a “bad relationship.” You will not be rewarded for it. Let her girlfriend be a shoulder to cry on.

Compliments are tricky and should be given sparingly. The correct way to compliment a woman is by making it about something specific and unique about her personality, appearance, clothing, etc.. (that blue dress really brings out your eyes). General compliments (you are so good looking) are counterproductive and make you look weak/oily/desperate.

If you're suddenly the funniest guy on the planet, then she probably likes you. If she touches her hair a lot or your chest, bicep or forearm... then she probably likes you. If her eyes wander about your face while you're talking then she DEFINITELY likes you. That or you have an unsightly mole.

Don't take dating advice from young women, ever. They either don't know what they want or aren't honest about it. Feel free, however, to take fashion advice from them. They probably have better taste than you.

It's hard to talk to a girl you like. Rejection is terrifying. But it's ultimately a numbers game. Unless you're wildly attractive/rich/successful, your best bet is to approach a lot of different women and try not to care too much about the answer (easier said than done).

Be a gentleman. Treat women with respect, but don't be weak. A woman will ultimately test you. If you make a habit of letting her run you over in order to avoid conflict, she'll eventually lose interest and break up with you or, worse, cheat on you with someone more challenging and exciting.

Delay sex for as long as you can when you're young. If you're not married, use a condom during sex even if a woman says she's on the pill. All birth control fails and some women lie about using it.

Never have sex with a woman without thinking long and hard (heh) about what it might be like to be attached to her for the rest of your life—because this is what will happen if you get her pregnant, regardless of whether or not you marry.

Expensive gifts are wasted on girls and young women. And what the hell, you're not made of money anyway if you're a young man. So smarten up. If you want to mark a special occasion do something that requires thought and planning instead.

And finally, dating/relationships in real life are nothing like Hollywood movies. If you hold up a boom box below a young woman's window at midnight while standing, pathetically, in the rain then she'll likely call the cops and slap a restraining order on you.

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posted by Open Blogger at 08:06 PM

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