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April 16, 2011

Overnight Open Thread

Seattle Skool Repurposes Easter Eggs as “Spring Spheres”

If only this shit was made up. But it's not.

"A sophomore at a local private high school thinks an effort to make Easter politically correct is ridiculous. Jessica, 16, told KIRO Radio's Dori Monson Show that a week before spring break, the students commit to a week-long community service project. She decided to volunteer in a third grade class at a public school, which she would like to remain nameless."

"At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that," Jessica said."

Cue ominously stoopid music...

She was concerned how the teacher might react to the eggs after of a meeting earlier in the week where she learned about "their abstract behavior rules."

"I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay," Jessica explained. "She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat 'spring spheres.' I couldn't call them Easter eggs."

Rather than question the decision, Jessica opted to "roll with it." But the third graders had other ideas. "When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, 'Oh look, spring spheres'and all the kids were like 'Wow, Easter eggs.' So they knew," Jessica said.

The Seattle elementary school isn't the only government organization using spring over Easter. The city's parks department has removed Easter from all of its advertised egg hunts."

We are so fucked.

Swiped the egg pic from here where there are other humorous egg-related pics.

Did you think you'd be getting off easy tonight? No. No you will not. You will go below the fold and face your demons, tribbles and hedgehogs...


New Website Lets Users Bid Dollars For Dates

From an article in the U.K. Daily Mail Online. (Usual NSFW warnings that apply to any link to a British tabloid)

"They say money can't buy you love, but a new dating website is planning to turn that old adage on its head. Whatsyourprice.com divides users into the 'generous', who offer between $20 to $100 for a date, and 'attractive' members who can then either accept or decline the offer."

"While both men or women can join either side, the overwhelming majority of 'attractive' users are women with the 'generous' section populated almost exclusively by men"

This is sheer genius! Why has no one ever thought of this type of exchange before? The potential seems huge, if only the creator of the site can find a market demographic willing to pay for such services.

(The link to the actual "dating" site is easy enough for you to figure out, so no need to post it here and risk Ace getting threatening letters from the advertisers.)

I too have what I think is a ground-breaking idea. Just hear me out: It involves taking a plot of land, tilling the soil and then inserting seeds into it. Water is then added and voila! A few months later plants will have emerged from the ground, almost like magic. Then I detach the edible parts of the plant and sell them to people for consumption.

I think this has great potential. If you'd like to get in on the ground floor (so to speak) of this exciting new opportunity, franchises are still available for a nominal licensing fee.

I shall call it "GrowieCorp."

Iceland’s Phallus Museum Gets Its First Human Donation

And it's long overdue if you ask me. Which you didn't.

LONDON – In life, Pall Arason sought attention. In death, he is getting it: The 95-year-old Icelander's pickled penis will be the main attraction in one of his country's most bizarre museums.

(emphasis mine - ed.) So there's a possibility that Iceland has one or more museums that are even more bizarre?

Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik, said Arason's organ will help round out the unusual institution's extensive collection of phalluses from whales, seals, bears and other mammals.

*sigh*

So be sure to include the museum on your itenerary next time you find yourself travelling to Iceland.

Star Trek: The Next Penetration

That’d be my title for the article, but instead the authors decided to go with Make It So Sexy: Exclusive First Look at the New Star Trek: The Next Generation Porn Movie. Which is why I'm earning the big bucks around this place and they aren't. As soon as the checks clear that is. Or are ever actually sent.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: A XXX Parody is the latest porn movie to bring together science fiction and porn. It's also a loving tribute and unofficial sequel to a classic TNG episode starring some major Trekkie porn stars, not to mention an uncannily convincing Jean-Luc Picard impersonator."

"We just had to know what was going on here, so we decided to check out the set, and interview the cast and crew who are bringing the TNG porno to life."

That's right...laugh it up fun-boys. I got an AoSHQ key chain for being COB of the Month once. It's not important that it melted into a pile of slag the first time it was exposed to sunlight. I'm sure it was sent to me with love. Or contempt. Moving on...

Of course both the film and article neglect to tell the story of the most prolific sexual beings in the Star Trek...Trekiverse(?). Consider the fact that every Tribble scene is basically a Tribble orgy. And what really was Uhura's reason for bringing them aboard the Enterprise? They "purr" she says (In a different scene). And by "purr," doesn't she really mean "vibrate?" Spock says that they "trill," but that's just sexmantics...

Me so furry!

(Link courtesy of CDR M, who is resting comfortably and under heavy sedation. I’m also told that the staff hardly ever has to use the makeshift cattle prods on him anymore. 5 or 6 times daily at most.)

Hedgehoggeh of DEATH!

Happy Caturday!

(Garrett suggested a Hello Kitty video. Which made me very sad.)

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Or send them to LauraW along with your ATM PIN, SS# and your soul. For verification purposes only, you see.

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posted by Genghis at 10:06 PM

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