Sponsored Content
« Rules Committee Gets Unruly
Update: Demon Pass Dropped; House Will Vote On Standalone Bill
| Main | Obama's Stupid F.U. to America »
March 20, 2010

Hey, House Members...How You Like Me Now?

An Open Letter to the House of Representatives from the United States Senate,

Dear Revolutionary Comrades in the House of Representatives,

How. Do. You. Like. Me. Now?

With the dropping of DemonPass, order has been restored. Once again, it is the Senate's way or the highway. Which is only fair, since my Appropriations Committee does a better job of funding highways than yours does anyway (which is why my requests typically prevail in conference committee).

As it was in the beginning, so shall it be in the end. It is not for nothing that I am the "upper chamber." I am the Master of the Universe. To put it in terms that even you can understand...I have the Power of Grayskull. You fetch Skeletor's juice boxes.

For, you see, no one on this side of the Hill takes you seriously. How could they? I am the body from which future Presidents emerge. You are the body from which Dennis Kucinich wages a constant battle against the mind control rays of Planet Nebulon Alpha VI.

In fact, were it not for how precious your antics are, I might not even keep you around at all! Sure...revenue bills have to originate within your body, but, c'mon, it's not like I was ever gonna have a problem with raising taxes over here anyway.

No...it's your insistance that you should be allowed to prevail on matters of policy that is truly amusing. Did you really think your trifling concerns on the health care bill were ever going to override mine?

After all, the founders didn't even trust you bozos to have a hand in approving nominees or ratifying treaties! In modern lingo, our Parents refused to give you the keys to the car. You will forever be counting on your more responsible big brother in the Senate to give you a ride to get to where you want to go.

Which I will be more than happy to do. Provided there isn't anything good on TV, and you cough up the gas money.

I know it has to hurt. You threw your cute little tantrum, got your panties all in a twist, and held your breath until you turned blue.

Well, I heard you did this. Truth be told I really didn't notice. It was fajita day in the Cloakroom, and pretty much all I could concentrate on was salsa, salsa, salsa!

But in the end, you are left without a say. You now have to pass the Senate's much better, wiser, and gosh darn it, handsome, legislation (which, in another sign of your penchant for adolescent, emo rage you hate) if you wish to proceed further on health care.

"But the unions hate the Cadillac tax!" you shout. Oh, you'll have time to win them over before you are up for election.

Oh that's right...you have to stand for election in November while 2/3's of the Dems in the Senate don't face voters for several more years. When you have a full 6 year term (they give anyone who is important at least 4 years) it's easy to lose track of time.

By the way, I keep meaning to ask this. Why are you hitting yourself? Do you like to hit yourself? You really should stop hitting yourself. What do you mean I am hitting you? I'm just standing in front of you, waving your arms around. It's your clenched fists hitting your goofy face that you refuse to move out of the way! Do you enjoy pain?

I digress. You have to go on record on our legislation now. Your proposed changes? Never gonna see the light of day. Well, that's not true. I may print them out and hang them on the refrigerator. Right next to the "executive order" made out of macaroni and glue that President Obama is reportedly considering giving you during recess.

You see, like your proposed changes, executive orders are just the cutest little things! They are like the finger-painting of the starfish you made, which I pointed out looked just like a turkey. "No", you insisted, "today it's a starfish!" "But it's an outline of your hand,"I said, "it looks more like a turkey!"

And then the neighbors came over, and they looked at the refrigerator. And they said "isn't that a cute Turkey!" and I said "it sure is" because I was ashamed to be associated with such a crappy piece of "art". Why do you bring such shame upon the family?

The important thing, tho, is that every time the neighbors look at the "painting" they see a turkey. And they always will, thanks to me.

Which reminds me. Remember that time you stayed up all night drawing a 1/1000 representation of the Capitol Mall on the Etch of Sketch, and before you could show it to anyone we erased it. Sure, you cried. But I laughed. So I deem that a good time was had by all.

See, who says I don't pay attention to what you little guys get up to over there.

Now be good little Representatives and follow my lead once again. Sure, people will wonder how you could vote for something you hate, but you can just tell them "because the Senate is smarter and better at legislatin' and stuff" and they will certainly understand.

Or stand up for yourselves and vote our Senate bill down. Maybe, just maybe, you could force me to start all over.

HAHAHAHAHHAH. As if. Once a red headed step-child, always a red-headed step child.

Love ya lots, lil'bro. Now fetch me a juice box.

Your Better,

The Senate


digg this
posted by Jack M. at 03:36 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
runner : "I think the contrary, this world was created out o ..."

Huck Follywood: "I haven't seen Mariners fans this positive for the ..."

neverenoughcaffeine: "Lafayette isn't Gary or East Chicago. You are talk ..."

Pudinhead: "Hillary got paid far more for her drivel. The book ..."

... : "They were for all the things that led to this, and ..."

rhennigantx: "Ace of Kate Spades HQ would be great name for a tr ..."

... : "Posted by: Muldoon at March 30, 2023 09:24 AM (yke ..."

Lizzy[/i]: ">>Did you notice that the left has such similar co ..."

TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch: "364 347 Trannies picking April Fools Day for their ..."

Reuben Hick: "[i]REPORT: “Transgender” Nashville Sch ..."

Moron Analyst: "347 Trannies picking April Fools Day for their day ..."

Simple Jack: "Got a timeout from Twitter. Have to go in and dele ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64