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April 12, 2008

Absolut Pwnag3: SKYY Vodka Proudly Announces Its Support for the Treaty of Guadalupe Hildago

Background here: Absolut's ad campaign featuring a reconquista Mexico seizing back the entire Western United States.


Heh: Skyy Vodka responds by celebrating the treaty that makes western America America.

In 1848, the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo officially ended the Mexican-America War (1846-1848). With the signing of this treaty, the United States gained control of what was to become the Golden West, including California, Arizona, Utah, Nevada and parts of Colorado and New Mexico. Today, SKYY® Vodka, the number-one vodka produced in the United States, spoke out against suggestions by Absolut® Vodka to disregard that treaty, as well as the joining of Texas to the Union in 1845, as depicted in Absolut’s recent advertising.

“Like SKYY Vodka, the residents of states like California, Texas and Arizona are exceptionally proud of the fact that they are from the United States of America,” said Dave Karraker, SKYY Vodka. “To imply that they might be interested in changing their mailing addresses, as our competitor seems to be suggesting in their advertising, is a bit presumptuous.”

In the ad, an “Absolut World” is depicted where the map of North America is re-drawn with Mexico claiming much of the Western United States, negating the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, as well as the Gadsden Purchase (1853), and the independence of Texas (1836).

“Don’t get me started on the Gadsden Purchase,” continues Karraker. “I think the folks in Tucson and Yuma would be rubbed the wrong way if they hear this landmark deal was somehow nullified as suggested by Absolut, a Swedish-owned brand.”

SKYY Vodka was founded in San Francisco in 1992 and continues to be produced in the United States. Premium SKYY Vodka is made from American grain carefully selected from the Midwest and 100% pure filtered water.


I don't drink vodka (um... except for Val-U-Rite, of course), but yeah, why not, I'll never order Absolut again and Skyy's now my premium brand.

Political pandering has consequences, Absolut. Apparently I'm not progressive enough to drink your product, so I now have a less nuanced brand of choice that better fits with my narrow-minded, decidedly unhip, missionary-position vaginal-sex lifestyle.

PS, suck the barbed cock of Satan and have a nice day.

PPS, isn't Absolut a dirty filthy Scandi brand? I do believe it is. Go home, Scandis. We don't want your filthy fermented reindeer piss. I'd rather suck a bull walrus' thirty-inch dick than drink your horrible vodka.

But, of course, so would all of Absolut's executives and admen.

Secret ingredient in Absolut? Fermented walrus choad. That's a fact. Every time you drink Absolut you are, effectively, blowing a 1600-pound sea-cow's enormous turgid amphibi-schlong.


Via Instaheh.

Absolut Cock Worship: Another Absolut ad, aimed at the LGBT market, celebrates the perfect 8" male member.

It's sort of a bad idea to base your brand identity on clear-cut categories of ethnic/sexual identity, isn't it? I mean, I'm not a gay mariachi player. So I guess I can't drink Absolut, even if I were inclined to do so.


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posted by Ace at 10:28 AM

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