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August 09, 2007

Best Movie Made From A Computer Game, Eveh: Minesweeper: The Movie
Plus: Movies Your Girlfriend Is Less Likely To Enjoy Than Anal

I've been waiting for this longer than I've been waiting for Steven King's Freecell.

Looks friggin' awesome.

Thanks to dri.

Also Kinda Funny: A new comic, Basic Instructions, this episode about getting your girlfriend to watch one of your favorite guy-movies with you.

Gee, what movie are they talking about here? Surely no man has ever forced a girl to watch that movie before, knowing full well she'd absolutely hate it, and yet feeling oddly compelled to torture her anyway in the slim hopes that, beneath the boobies, she's actually a fifteen year old boy.

I've had reasonable success with forcing women to watch movies they'll probably hate; they wound up, by and large, not hating them.

But try it with The Thing. No chick gets The Thing and no chick ever will.* And yet I keep trying.

Hope springs eternal.

* Except some of the chicks posting here, of course.

Thanks to Marcus.

Some Guidance: Here's my experience, anyway.

Danger Zone: Guy Movies That You Can Force A Chick To Watch Which She Might, Possibly, Somehow End Up Kinda-Sorta Liking:

Midnight Run
Fletch
Die Hard
Dumb & Dumber
Fright Night
Happy Gilmore
The Hunt For Red October
Slapshot
(make sure you casually drop the fun fact that this profane, viciously violent guy movie was actually written by a woman; it could help)
The Road Warrior (go figure)
The Quick and The Dead (I was going to include this, but figured few would know what I was talking about... since commenters mention it, up it goes. And chicks just might like this one.)
True Romance (I think enough women might like this so that it shouldn't even be on the list as a tough-sell, but whatever)
Alien and Aliens


Lost Causes: Movies You Should Not Even Bother Forcing A Chick To Watch Unless Two Hours Of Accusatory Silence Is Your Idea of A Really Good Time:

Evil Dead II
Army of Darkness
The Thing
The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Big Trouble In Little China
Caddyshack
Full Metal Jacket
Dawn of the Dead
(either version)
Conan The Barbarian
Robocop
Predator
Superman II
(in theory, this should appeal to women. In cold hard reality, it doesn't. Women hate this movie and do not understand why you have to see Superman crush Zod's hand for the six thousandth time)
The Long Riders
High Plains Drifter
The Sting (no idea women don't like this star-studded Oscar winning classic, but they just don't; they don't even want to give it a chance)
The Outlaw Josey Wales (just don't even bother)
Goodfellas

Out of the Mouths of Babes: Movies Your Girlfriend Thinks Suck And, If You Were Just Honest With Yourself For Five Minutes, You'd Admit Pretty Much Suck Too:

Clockwork Orange
Blade Runner
The Big Lebowski
Kelly's Heroes
(look... it's got it's moments. But let's stop pretending, okay?)
The Dirty Dozen (same as above)
Excalibur
The Magnificent Seven
(come on, be real)

Revenge Of The Chicks: Movies Your Girlfriend Made You Watch That Were actually... Kinda Good, Really

Overboard
The Parent Trap

?
?
?
?

Not trying to make a joke here, really. I'm sure there are more. They're just not springing to mind.



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posted by Ace at 02:13 PM

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