Saturday Night Club ONT - April 18, 2026 [D Squared]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino. Come in in, grab a drink or 3. Find an old friend. Make a new friend. Just be friendly!

[Top photo: Beer at a random ballpark]. Those of you who attend pro baseball games (be it big leagues or the minors), how much is a beer at your local ballpark?

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

A man visited his doctor, and the doctor checked him over before commenting, "It looks like you get a fair bit of exercise."

The man replied, "Oh yeah, in fact, just the other day I walked 5 miles over rugged terrain as I climbed over rocks and trees. I also waded along the edges of a lake, pushing my way through tall thistles, and even slid down sandy slopes while getting sand in my eyes."

The doctor was quite impressed. "Well, you are certainly a dedicated outdoorsman."

The man replied, "Not really, doctor. I'm just a really bad golfer."

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Drink of the Night

Tonight we drew the six of hearts from our deck of playing card cocktails

Club ONT Local News Desk

Proposed adult entertainment, seafood venue in Johnstown canceled

Plans for a combination seafood restaurant and adult entertainment business in Johnstown have been called off after city officials raised concerns about a proposed "Crabhouse Lounge" in a residential neighborhood.

City officials said they learned about the plan Tuesday after Facebook posts circulated about a business along Strayer Street in the West End of Johnstown. The posts, made by a man renting a home there, said the "Crabhouse Lounge" would be opening May 1st with strippers and seafood.

Mayor Rev. Sylvia King said city leaders also considered how such a business could affect the surrounding community.

"We have to be cognizant the decisions that we make not only affect us but affect others around us. And especially we have to be concerned about what our children see," King said.

The man who had planned the lounge declined to go on camera but said he was only going to sell seafood platters and that nothing else would be sold. He said he viewed it more as a hangout or gathering than a business, but said the plan is now officially canceled.

Club ONT Crime Blotter

California man accused of using pasta to replace stolen Legos

Irvine police arrested a man accused of stealing $34,000 worth of high-end Lego sets and replacing the plastic bricks with pieces of dry pasta.

Jarrelle Augustine, 28, allegedly stole expensive sets, such as Star Wars and Marvel, and sealed up the Lego boxes before returning them to the stores for refunds, according to the Irvine Police Department.

"One of the cases that occurred here in Orange County, they shared that they opened the box and instead of Legos, they found bags of dry pasta," Officer Ziggy Azarcon said.

Investigators said the dry pasta mimics the sound of Legos when they're shaken.

The officer's name was Ziggy?!

Club ONT Department of Marcos

Club ONT Department of Animal Magnetism

Club ONT Poetry Corner

Paul Revere's Ride

By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

LISTEN, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light, -
One, if by land, and two, if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."

Click here for the rest of the story...

The Club ONT Jukebox

Top 10ish Comments of the Week

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Club ONT is brought to you tonight by advertising

Club ONT acknowledges the recent "accounting discrepancy" that led some to believe that Club ONT has a net worth of $30 million. Club ONT accountants prepared the filing (trained at the Quality Learing Center) and Club ONT signed it, but Club ONT assets are substantially less. We never had millions. Swearsies. If we did, the money is long gone. It totally did not go to our friends and family in Somalia. Club ONT regrets that you made such a mistake and will accept your apology. In other news, we're busy making our accounts payable file disappear with the benefit of "accounting discrepancies."

Club ONT management is not responsible for the insults scribbled in the pollen on the hoods of several cars in the parking lot. Or are we??

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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