Ace of Spades HQ

« Saturday Evening Movie Thread [moviegique]: An Evening With John Carpenter (Prince of Darkness/The Thing) | Main | Daily Tech News 13 October 2024 »

October 12, 2024

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (10/12/24)

*****

The Saturday Night Joke

THE DEAD DUCK

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

“Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

“Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“

“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“ (H/T TNDeplorable)

*****

Chippendale's dancers to unionize. The price of thongs has gone through the roof.

The infamous Chippendales dance troupe at the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas has announced plans to unionize as part of Actors' Equity Association, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal. It is the first all-male adult performance group to unionize, with a supermajority of the roughly two dozen cast members signing their authorization cards last week. In case the union does not receive voluntary recognition, the performers have also filed the appropriate paperwork with the National Labor Relations Board in order to hold a formal union election as well; that vote would likely take place within the next month or so.

*****

I probably should have saved this for next month's time change fiasco. But, I needed a silly video tonight. So here goes.........

******

What happens when you subsidize poor behavior and/or choices. This kind of craziness.

100 masked invaders surround Washington home — don't worry, it was only raccoons
A Washington state woman called 911 after scores of the varmints swarmed her house and prevented her from getting inside.

*****

Not enough prank? This one is pretty good. Yeah, it is a rerun. But you come up with fresh material.

Since we are telling fowl jokes here at The ONT, here is another one for you...........

*****

The ONT Musical Interlude & Time Zone Difference Emporium

&&&&&

*****

Anger management is in her future. Genius Award Winner

OCTOBER 7, 2024Woman, 22, In Pizza Rage Bust Over "Cold And Uncut" Domino’s Pie

Angry that her Domino’s pizza was delivered “cold and uncut,” a Florida Woman allegedly drove from her residence to the restaurant, where she quarreled with an employee, flung the pizza, and damaged the store’s telephone, according to an arrest report detailing the 1:30 AM altercation

*****

The following game was submitted to us by Iris. Don't laugh at her. She'll kick your butt and drink you under the table..........

*****

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Tires 'R Us.

Notice: Posted by the hamsters. No word if they had permission.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:56 PM

| Access Comments


Advertise Here! Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact Ace: aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries Daily Tech News 21 December 2024 Just The ONT, Ma'am Giant Animals Cafe Quick Hits Democrat Strategist Ruy Texiera: The Public Gave the Democrats a Clear Message About Their Rejection of Identity Marxism, But the Democrats Don't Want to Listen Kamala Harris To Be Offered $20 Million in a Media Payoff Disguised as an "Advance" on Book Royalties Plus: Media Makes Excuses for Covering Up Biden's Obvious Senility AGAIN: A Car Plows Through a German Christmas Market at a Very High Speed, Sending People Flying Like Bowling Pins, Killing an Unknown Number David Samuels: Barack Obama Created and Maintains an Echo Chamber Messaging System That Deranges and Perverts People's Thinking Every Day LOL: MSNBC Reportedly Demands That Joy Reid, Stephanie Ruhle Take Pay Cuts to Keep Their Jobs Slimmed-Down Version of CR Fails, With 38 Republicans Voting Against It Absent Friends Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info: maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security Cutting The Cord [Joe Mannix (not a cop)] Cutting The Cord: It's Easier Than You Think [Blaster] Private Email and Secure Signatures [Hogmartin] Moron Meet-Ups	« Saturday Evening Movie Thread [moviegique]: An Evening With John Carpenter (Prince of Darkness/The Thing) \| Main \| Daily Tech News 13 October 2024 » October 12, 2024 Saturday Overnight Open Thread (10/12/24) *** The Saturday Night Joke THE DEAD DUCK A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully. A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“ The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry. “Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes. “Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“ “But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.” The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room. A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head. The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room. A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room. The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“ The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150. “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“ (H/T TNDeplorable) * Chippendale's dancers to unionize. The price of thongs has gone through the roof. The infamous Chippendales dance troupe at the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas has announced plans to unionize as part of Actors' Equity Association, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal. It is the first all-male adult performance group to unionize, with a supermajority of the roughly two dozen cast members signing their authorization cards last week. In case the union does not receive voluntary recognition, the performers have also filed the appropriate paperwork with the National Labor Relations Board in order to hold a formal union election as well; that vote would likely take place within the next month or so. * I probably should have saved this for next month's time change fiasco. But, I needed a silly video tonight. So here goes......... ** What happens when you subsidize poor behavior and/or choices. This kind of craziness. 100 masked invaders surround Washington home — don't worry, it was only raccoons A Washington state woman called 911 after scores of the varmints swarmed her house and prevented her from getting inside. * Not enough prank? This one is pretty good. Yeah, it is a rerun. But you come up with fresh material. Since we are telling fowl jokes here at The ONT, here is another one for you........... * The ONT Musical Interlude & Time Zone Difference Emporium &&&&& &&&&& * Anger management is in her future. Genius Award Winner OCTOBER 7, 2024Woman, 22, In Pizza Rage Bust Over "Cold And Uncut" Domino’s Pie Angry that her Domino’s pizza was delivered “cold and uncut,” a Florida Woman allegedly drove from her residence to the restaurant, where she quarreled with an employee, flung the pizza, and damaged the store’s telephone, according to an arrest report detailing the 1:30 AM altercation * The following game was submitted to us by Iris. Don't laugh at her. She'll kick your butt and drink you under the table.......... *** Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Tires 'R Us. Notice: Posted by the hamsters. No word if they had permission. posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:56 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments pawn (on his new laptop!!!): "So would you rather have him hanging out and messi ..." IRONGRAMPA: "Good morning, good people, from the Frigidrondacks ..." publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb): " Darn, missed the solstice. It was at 09:21Z, 4: ..." Skip : "Have snow ground cover hete ..." Aetius451AD: ""Disclaimer: Posted slightly early because I'm goi ..." Grumpy and Recalcitrant[/i][/b]: "@18/Colin: looks at calendar Well whattya know ..." Mr Aspirin Factory, red heifer owner: "Good Morning. Much driving today ..." Just Wondering : "Birdbath status? ..." Colin: "Happy winter everyone..... If congressional leade ..." Buzz Adrenaline: "Horde mind. ..." Grumpy and Recalcitrant[/i][/b]: "And now I'm awake enough to see that Buzz made the ..." Village Idiot's Apprentice: "G'morning, all. I believe that Pixy has dieta ..." Recent Entries Daily Tech News 21 December 2024 Just The ONT, Ma'am Giant Animals Cafe Quick Hits Democrat Strategist Ruy Texiera: The Public Gave the Democrats a Clear Message About Their Rejection of Identity Marxism, But the Democrats Don't Want to Listen Kamala Harris To Be Offered $20 Million in a Media Payoff Disguised as an "Advance" on Book Royalties Plus: Media Makes Excuses for Covering Up Biden's Obvious Senility AGAIN: A Car Plows Through a German Christmas Market at a Very High Speed, Sending People Flying Like Bowling Pins, Killing an Unknown Number David Samuels: Barack Obama Created and Maintains an Echo Chamber Messaging System That Deranges and Perverts People's Thinking Every Day LOL: MSNBC Reportedly Demands That Joy Reid, Stephanie Ruhle Take Pay Cuts to Keep Their Jobs Slimmed-Down Version of CR Fails, With 38 Republicans Voting Against It Search Search this site: Polls! Polls! Polls! Frequently Asked Questions What is the Deal with the Cowbell? Why is the Ace of Spades called "the Death Card"? The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick Primary Document: The Audio Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an Fckin' Hammer Top Top Tens Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really* Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Syndicate this site (XML) Powered by Movable Type 2.64