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October 12, 2024

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (10/12/24)

*****

The Saturday Night Joke

THE DEAD DUCK

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

“Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

“Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“

“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“ (H/T TNDeplorable)

*****

Chippendale's dancers to unionize. The price of thongs has gone through the roof.

The infamous Chippendales dance troupe at the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas has announced plans to unionize as part of Actors' Equity Association, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal. It is the first all-male adult performance group to unionize, with a supermajority of the roughly two dozen cast members signing their authorization cards last week. In case the union does not receive voluntary recognition, the performers have also filed the appropriate paperwork with the National Labor Relations Board in order to hold a formal union election as well; that vote would likely take place within the next month or so.

*****

I probably should have saved this for next month's time change fiasco. But, I needed a silly video tonight. So here goes.........

******

What happens when you subsidize poor behavior and/or choices. This kind of craziness.

100 masked invaders surround Washington home — don't worry, it was only raccoons
A Washington state woman called 911 after scores of the varmints swarmed her house and prevented her from getting inside.

*****

Not enough prank? This one is pretty good. Yeah, it is a rerun. But you come up with fresh material.

Since we are telling fowl jokes here at The ONT, here is another one for you...........

*****

The ONT Musical Interlude & Time Zone Difference Emporium

&&&&&

*****

Anger management is in her future. Genius Award Winner

OCTOBER 7, 2024Woman, 22, In Pizza Rage Bust Over "Cold And Uncut" Domino’s Pie

Angry that her Domino’s pizza was delivered “cold and uncut,” a Florida Woman allegedly drove from her residence to the restaurant, where she quarreled with an employee, flung the pizza, and damaged the store’s telephone, according to an arrest report detailing the 1:30 AM altercation

*****

The following game was submitted to us by Iris. Don't laugh at her. She'll kick your butt and drink you under the table..........

*****

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Tires 'R Us.

Notice: Posted by the hamsters. No word if they had permission.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:56 PM

| Access Comments


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A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“ The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry. “Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes. “Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“ “But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.” The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room. A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head. The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room. A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room. The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“ The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150. “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“ (H/T TNDeplorable) * Chippendale's dancers to unionize. The price of thongs has gone through the roof. The infamous Chippendales dance troupe at the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas has announced plans to unionize as part of Actors' Equity Association, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal. It is the first all-male adult performance group to unionize, with a supermajority of the roughly two dozen cast members signing their authorization cards last week. In case the union does not receive voluntary recognition, the performers have also filed the appropriate paperwork with the National Labor Relations Board in order to hold a formal union election as well; that vote would likely take place within the next month or so. * I probably should have saved this for next month's time change fiasco. But, I needed a silly video tonight. So here goes......... ** What happens when you subsidize poor behavior and/or choices. This kind of craziness. 100 masked invaders surround Washington home — don't worry, it was only raccoons A Washington state woman called 911 after scores of the varmints swarmed her house and prevented her from getting inside. * Not enough prank? This one is pretty good. Yeah, it is a rerun. But you come up with fresh material. Since we are telling fowl jokes here at The ONT, here is another one for you........... * The ONT Musical Interlude & Time Zone Difference Emporium &&&&& &&&&& * Anger management is in her future. Genius Award Winner OCTOBER 7, 2024Woman, 22, In Pizza Rage Bust Over "Cold And Uncut" Domino’s Pie Angry that her Domino’s pizza was delivered “cold and uncut,” a Florida Woman allegedly drove from her residence to the restaurant, where she quarreled with an employee, flung the pizza, and damaged the store’s telephone, according to an arrest report detailing the 1:30 AM altercation * The following game was submitted to us by Iris. Don't laugh at her. She'll kick your butt and drink you under the table.......... *** Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Tires 'R Us. Notice: Posted by the hamsters. No word if they had permission. posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:56 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments GWB: "Also, I am beginning to think it's a conspiracy th ..." GWB: "[i]The assassination-attempt reports follow a tens ..." Duncanthrax: "Captain Dan >>>>>>>>>> Cap'n Bill ..." 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