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Food Thread: Hors d'Oeuvres Are The Bee's Knees (No Honey Bees Were Injured In The Writing Of This Post)

Appetizers or hors d'oeuvres or finger foods or whatever you feel like calling them, as long as you call me as soon as they emerge from the kitchen. I love that stuff, and at festive occasions like weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and other grand parties they are what I look forward to. What? You're getting married? Oh, that's nice. Who's the caterer? How are their apps?

Not only are they usually delicious (and I do understand that we are usually ravenous and will eat anything at the beginning of these events), they seem to lubricate the evening. It is a less formal setting than the tables set for dinner, and let's face it, people are drinking on empty stomachs! And It is perfectly polite to wander away from your conversation with your wife's asshole second cousin with the halitosis and the irritating tendency to grab your shoulder and shake it as if you are a child being punished.

"Hey! Gotta go! I see the bacon-wrapped shrimp is coming out and I need a refill!" Then you can wander over to your wife and ask whether it would be okay to leave after the cocktail hour, because the food is almost invariably going to be a disappointment from then on.

Well...almost. Because I was at a wedding last weekend that was pretty close to perfect. Everything was delicious, which is why I am really sore from working out a few extra times this week. My pants were getting a bit snug!

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This is virtue signaling on a grand scale. How many vegans are there in America who are stupid enough to buy this crap? My guess is that it is the AWFLs of the country who buy enough to keep this silly company afloat.

But it gets better! They actually articulate their stupidity on the company website!

My favorite is the fourth paragraph, which is a mass of conjecture and unsubstantiated bullshit. But the tone of the whole thing is so unbelievably arrogant. The idea that we should worship on their psychotic altar, that we should treat all living things equally is a rejection of everything that nature has created. There is no equality in nature. It is the purest form of might makes right, and were these effete fools exposed to nature long in tooth and claw, they would very quickly run screaming.

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Okay, I'll be honest. This is a pretty straightforward recipe that will yield good pork shoulder but nothing you can't make on your own. But how could I resist a recipe that includes "Bubble And Squeak?" Pork shoulder with bubble and squeak is a serviceable recipe, although any of you who have any expertise in the kitchen can improve upon the pork without much difficulty, even if you don't have a Sous Vide set-up! But that name! I love it!

Almost as good as "Cullen Skink!"

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I made caramelized onions last night...at the last minute...because my in-laws were over for dinner and I had promised them great burgers. And a few minutes before they arrived I realized that the lovely smell of gently cooking onions was conspicuous in its absence. The oven was on, and I briefly wondered whether I should give the oven version a try. But I thought better of it because I have often been unfairly accused of having lousy timing in the kitchen. It's a filthy lie, no doubt floated by jealous cooks who have looked on with envy at the culinary marvels that emerge from my kitchen with military precision.

Okay, maybe not U.S. military precision, but still!

Has anyone ever tried it? I have in the past, but I don't think that it is a time saver because they still have to be stirred frequently.

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Speaking of virtue signaling; take a look at the last line of the ingredients. It is carefully masked, but what it says is that Whole Foods Parmesan Cheese is made with milk from cows treated with bST (or BGH), which sends some hipster fools screaming from the room, triggered and injured by the very idea that using a hormone that is identical to the naturally occurring one is some sort of existential injury to their goddess Gaia. It is pretty good cheese at a very good price, so I will buy it when I need bulk Parmesan for cooking.

Buck Throckmorton recently was quite critical of Whole Foods and their virtue signalling prowess. So give him a read.

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Several weeks ago I asked for The Horde's help with a recipe for Gigante beans, which is a Greek dish that I find delicious, but for which I hadn't been able to find a classic recipe. RedMindBlueState came through, although to be fair it was his mom's recipe, and mostly just a list of ingredients and a temperature.

But that is half the fun of cooking...figuring out how to make something from an idea. And damn! I owe RedMindBlueState's mom a beer, or a bottle of Ouzo (yuck). I have made it three times and each one was great! And different, because I am tweaking the recipe. But the foundation is solid, and I will eventually write it up for you lunatics.

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[Hat Tip: "Iris"]

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Just send me oysters. Lots of oysters, and I will provide special dispensation for those without taste who insist upon maple syrup with their French Toast. And pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm still watching you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.