First-World Problems...

One of my few talents is the ability to draw blood using common household tools, and sometimes seemingly with nothing at all. And I am not talking about cutting the tips of my fingers off with some insanely sharp knife! I am referring to the copious amounts of blood I can spill everywhere with nothing more than a screwdriver or a crack in some bathroom tile!

Oh...not just my hands! The last time I had to fix something underneath the kitchen sink I ripped a nice little chunk out of my back on...something. But hands are the worst, because for whatever reason those cuts are never, ever on a stretch of skin that is relatively stable. It's always where the skin flexes the most so the cut has no chance to heal.

By the way, adhesive bandages are pathetically designed. Either the glue doesn't work, or it is so tenacious that they take skin along with them when removed, and they simply aren't designed for flexing fingers!

My oldest scar is on my knuckle where I took most of the skin off doing the brakes on my 1988 Toyota pick-up. I think it took a month to heal. The next oldest is on my thumb, courtesy of a new and very sharp chef's knife. But that reopened at least twice...once on a clothes hanger. And yes, the blood spurted all over my newly laundered dress shirt!

So what's the dumbest or funniest or most embarrassing cut or scrape you have? And should shaving count? Because I can cut myself with an electric shaver!

[Next week we can do burns!]

posted by CBD at 02:00 PM

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