To GAINZZZ or Not To GAINZZZ, That Is the QUEZZZTion

Via @herculean_Stren1

Short GAINZZZ thread from me this week.

I mentioned that I was using a red nightlight in the bathroom, because red light wakes you up much less than white light. A commenter -- sorry, forget who -- suggested getting a nightlight for the actual toilet bowl, something like this, to help with, well, aiming.

It works. And not blasting myself in the face with white light every time I get up during the night to go to the bathroom is really helping me get back to sleep quickly. Recommend!

My own GAINZZZ: Meager. One pound.

I was happy to have reached my first goal and I started eating a little bit more every day. I came very close to just ending the regime last night, but decided I'd give it one more go, this time with renewed purpose, and if I couldn't stick to that, then I'd end it. So far today, I'm back on the plan.

What about your GAINZZZ? Any recommendations for BOOKZZZ or MOVIEZZZ? Any PROJECTZZZ or PLANZZZ?

I have one movie to mention, but it's a hard anti-recommendation: I rented "Werewolves Within" because critics lied to me and said it was "funny!" and "a great whodunnit!"

It's not funny, and the "whodunnit" aspect is just people randomly killing each other and accusing each other of being a werewolf until there's only a couple of people left and, by POE, there you go. There's your werewolf.

And I rented it because I noticed the lovely sweater zeppelins of Milena Vayntrub, from those AT&T commercials, in it.

But here's the thing: She wears very baggy winter clothes (it's set north Vermont in winter). She also... just does not look cute at all in the movie.

And she's bad in it. I think she's a cute girl so I don't want to blame her. So let's talk about the writing: The character written for her is the Manic Pixie Dream Girl that's been a wretched, tedious cliche since 2001. And everything she says is that awful type of "snark" that people who literally spend all day on Twitter think that people in the real world sound like.

None of it's funny, and it's hard to watch.

I can't take people writing "Precocious Child" dialogue for characters who are in their late 20s.

But that's what Twitter Dialogue is, isn't it? Older people pretending to be witty 14 year olds, and failing at it.

Oh and there's of course a good amount of SJW "humor" too. Because Twitter.

So what I'm trying to say is: Even if you like this girl, stay away from the movie, because it will make you not like her.

The movie is horrible. It's almost unwatchable. I had to force myself to finish it. I was moaning at it like I was Ignatius G. Reilly from Confederacy of Dunces.

There is no mystery, there is no comedy, there is no more boobage to be seen than when playing Magic: The Gathering with Jonah Goldberg, and there's not even a decent werewolf, if that's what you're looking for.

And they made a cute girl dumpy and annoying. They did manage to Defeat the Male Gaze, so they can count that as a victory.

Did I mention it's based on a videogame? Because it is. I didn't know that when I rented it.

I'm really putting effort into this anti-recommendation because I know the guys here are like me and horny AF and are going to say, "Well, that Milena girl is in it. Ace says she doesn't look good in it but I need to confirm that with my own lecherous eyes."

Trust me, you don't.

I hope she gets another movie. Hopefully one set in Florida or in the Bahamas or somewhere hot, if you know what I mean.

posted by Ace at 05:34 PM

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