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January 31, 2020

The Morning Report - 1/31/20


Good morning kids. Friday and the big news causing Ace to stomp the ONT is that Lamar Alexander has decided to close out his way-too-long, less-than-stellar political career as a reliable Globalist/RINO rubber stamp in the Senate on a high note by putting aside his Trump hate and announcing that he will vote "no" to extend this revolting impeachment fiasco. That said, my gut tells me that his decision is based more on wanting to preserve a very close, longstanding friendship with Mitch McConnell - and whatever post-Senatorial gravy train he may have been promised - than out of any sense of duty, conscience or love of country (his perception of that notwithstanding). He also managed to get his digs in at the President by calling his wanting to investigate the Bidens "inappropriate." Before my head explodes and I shriek "in what way, asshole?!", I'll bite my tongue, give him his due and thank him for his decision, however he may have arrived at it.

As for the remaining Three Louse-keteers, with a combination of bitter jealousy and hatred as well as being firmly in the pocket of Hungary's answer to Johnny Ola, Pee-Air Defecto is content to be the homeless psycho flinging a bucket of disease-ridden diarrhea on the American people, and is likely to vote "yes" for more witnesses. No big surprise there, unless he does the unthinkable and votes "no" (what are the odds?).

Worse though is Susan "Maine Pain" Collins who, after being subjected to scores of sick, violent threats and abuse on her voice- and e-mails as bad or worse than what she received during the Kavanaugh persecution, she also has decided to knuckle under rather than find a scintilla of a fragment of a spark of conscience. Then again, she too is a card-carrying member of Worldwide Goulash and is in a fight for her political life in a state that is at best deep purple (and I don't mean Smoke on the Water). Oh, her hatred of Trump doesn't exactly help either. I hope she gets kicked to the curb in November but we get Senator John James from the great state of Michigan in exchange.

That leaves us to the last of the bunch, Lisa "Alaskan Snow Blower" Murkowski, who got her seat the old-fashioned way, by inheriting it from her father and then stealing it (sadly with the help of Mitch McConnell) from non-Swamp-dweller Joe Miller. On the one hand, just last Friday she along with the rest of the GOP were accused by Schiff-for-Brains of trying to "cover up" the President's alleged crimes and just yesterday, one of the Dems' ankle-biting back-benchers Sylvia Garcia responded to her question by flipping it off and calling it a "red herring" in a most derisive, snark-castic tone that you know Murkowski did not appreciate. On the other hand, she too hates Trump and hates his mission to pull her cocaine-distended snout out of the public trough. The smart move would be to vote "no" considering a "yes" vote is one more reason Alaskans will have to go after her, the power of that state's political machine notwithstanding. We'll have to wait until a little later this morning to find out what she'll do after sticking her bony digit into the wind.

So, with Collins and Romney only getting the Dems to 49, assuming Murkowski does indeed vote to screw us over, it means a 50-50 tie, but from my understanding a tie goes to the Republicans and Cheap Justice Julia Roberts mercifully does not get to call it a tax. Man, you talk about a red nether hair's breadth. The "x" factor though are the Democrats who yesterday signaled that they are either open to or leaning towards acquittal. Would that indicate that one or more, especially Joe's Man-Chin, would vote with the GOP and give a much needed cushion as well as the equally important stamp of "bipartisan!" ? Or is the plan to vote for witnesses but still vote to acquit at the end of it, whenever the hell that would be, G-d forbid. Well, there is reason for optimism so stay tuned.

To briefly recap some of the action on the second (and hopefully) last day of questions, Rand Paul was yet again denied the right to ask his question that would have linked Schiff-for-Brains to Eric Ciaramella and thus exposed the entire impeachment as a rigged plot from the get-go, as we all knew it was. But Cheap Justice Roberts, who is anti-Trump stepped in like a Siamese-twin Refrigerator Perry and Candy Crowley to save the day. Bastard. Legal eagle Hans von Spakovsky totally rips the cheap shyster for having zero authority to shield the "whistleblower," so called.

Meanwhile, aside from the brilliant if not semi-in-the-weeds argumentation of mixed intentions as no way near an impeachable offense, Jay Sekulow delivered a 100-megaton mic-drop on Schiff-for-Brains:

Sekulow: "After 31 or 32 times you said you proved every aspect of your case... [pauses for response] That's what you said."

Schiff: "We did."

Sekulow: "Well then I don't think we need any witnesses."

Winner for best imbecile in a supporting role was Hakeem "Poor-Man's Spartacus" Jeffries for his foot-in-mouth proclamation that the Steele Dossier did not count as foreign interference because, get this, it was "purchased." Nice way to implicate Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama as conspiring to interfere with the 2016 election, champ.

There's lots of other analyses, including guess who hired the Vindman twins, as well as Palsi von Poligrip who must've seen the Morning Report yesterday and decided to stop hanging by a tree limb a la Grampa Munster and go on an insane tirade that Trump's legal team be disbarred and other bilge. But to cap the whole thing off was Jerry Nadler's upstaging of Schiff-for-Brains and denying him the last word. Thanks, gunty! Get you a slab of pastrami for that one! K'neina hura

NOTE: The opinions expressed in some links may or may not reflect my own. I include them because of their relevance to the discussion of a particular issue.

ALSO: The Morning Report is cross-posted at CutJibNewsletter.com if you want to continue the conversation all day.

Follow us on Twitter: @CutJibNews

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