ISIS' Own "Jabba the Hut," An Enormously Fat Terrorist Specializing in Murder and Rape, Seized by an Intense Craving for Olive Garden and Also the Iraqi Military Special Forces But Mostly the Iraqi Military Special Forces

I wonder if Trump's top Button Man, Rudy Giuliani, arranged this.

The Iraqi military have bagged a big 'un.

The 560-pound Islamic State mufti known as "Jabba the Hutt" is so enormously fat, after he was captured, Iraqi forces had to load him onto a flatbed truck because he couldn't fit in a police car.

"He is nearly as obese as Jim Swift of the Bulwark," said a source.

Okay, no source actually said that.

But they should have.

The ISIS heavyweight Abu Abdul Bari--also known as Shifa al-Nima--put the fat in fatwa," according to the New York Post.

Bari was nabbed Thursday by an elite SWAT team of the Nineveh regiment in the city of Mosul, Stars and Stripes reported on Friday. Despite his morbid obesity, the Islamic State official was known to be a cruel monster who raped and murdered civilians.

A British national who fought alongside the Iraqi militia said:

"As long as the Devil bastes him properly Shifa al Nima should crisp nicely in hell... He literally looks like the world's biggest chicken," Gifford said, adding: "Good luck hanging him Iraq."

That's a real quote. I didn't make that one up.

I thought this was all fake, but it's not.

Counter-terrorism GAINZZZZZ...!

Speaking of hugely fat religious-maniac monsters:

Do you think we have a flatbed truck with shocks enough for this specimen?

posted by Ace at 07:00 PM

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