Nation's Largest Supplier of Hobo Toilets, Starbucks, to Close 150 Hobo Toilet Outlets

They say they'll be closing their Hobo Toilet outlets in the "densest-penetrated" markets.

Does that refer to cities, where there's a lot of foot-traffic and hobos and therefore the highest need of Hobo Toilet Outlets?

Or does "penetrated" refer to its heroin shooting gallery side-business?

We'll have to see.

Americans' long-running joke about a Starbucks on every corner may be nearing its end.

The coffee behemoth is retrenching in its home market as it contends with sales growth that Chief Executive Officer Kevin Johnson acknowledges isn't fast enough. The cafe chain said Tuesday it expects comparable sales to rise just 1 percent globally for the current quarter--the worst performance in about nine years. That's well below the 2.9 percent analysts were expecting, according to Consensus Metrix.

Starbucks also plans to close about 150 company-operated stores in densely penetrated U.S. markets next fiscal year, three times the number it historically shuts down annually. Shares slid as much as 5.1 percent in early trading on Wednesday.

"Our growth has slowed a bit," Johnson said in an interview. "I expect better, I think our shareholders deserve better, and we're committed to address that.”

A few weeks ago some friends and I plunked ourselves down at an outside Starbucks patio table and sat there for hours without ordering anything.

Well, one weak Cuck did order a small tea. But there were four of us. I was drinking something I'd bought elsewhere!

Anyway, it was my right as a Transient and I enjoyed it to the hilt.

True to Starbucks' policy, we were permitted to do this. So, hey, at least they're providing free tables for people like me who want to sit down and enjoy my Big Gulp.

posted by Ace of Spades at 05:06 PM

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