Sponsored Content
« Then & Now | Main | The Morning Report 6/9/17 »
June 08, 2017

The Seven Deadly Sins of the ONT

Before we delve into your sins, Morons, lets just take a moment to appreciate this little bit of trolling. Hockey season will be over before my next ONT, so this one definitely has an expiration date.


(Rinne was pulled tonight at the first intermission after allowing 3 goals on 9 shots, so maybe this wasn't trolling, maybe it was prophecy)

You can play hockey player or an Ikea product? for yourself if you'd like.


Who depends more on envy than anyone else? Why, Socialists, of course. The entire philosophy is a stinking morass of envy and another deadly sin, greed. Like these guys:


That's Micheal D. Higgins, president of Ireland, along with golden 1%er Bernie Sanders, who recently snagged an $800,000 advance for his latest book. Personally, I prefer their earlier work:


Why Sloths Almost Die Every Time They Have to Poop

Actually pretty interesting, link includes must see video: a sloth pooping.


I have no desire to step on the toes of our resident foodie CBD, but I do want to recommend some of the recipe accounts on Twitter like @tasty or @DIYCookery. I do most of the cooking at my house, and I frequently check them for inspiration on what to make. Most of them feature short time lapse video of a recipe being made, and if you have basic cooking knowledge you should be able to follow along easily and make them yourself. Some of the recipes have been smash hits, others not so much. Still, the wife and kid demand to be fed every day (talk about greed!), and I find these accounts a valuable resource when I'm wracking my brains trying to think of something new to make.




Nah, that's not lust, that's just a man who is bound and determined to keep his priorities straight. This is lust:

Man has his PENIS trapped inside a wrench for 17 hours

Where to begin? Should we start with the fact that this guy is 37? Nah. How about that he is a bachelor? I think that probably goes without saying. The fact that it took him 17 hours to seek medical help? Understandable because of the embarrassment factor.

Well, how about the cringe inducing information that his penis was “swollen and purple”? Yikes. The even more cringe inducing fact that they contacted his parents to get approval for the surgery? Double yikes. That firemen were called, but couldn't do anything because their tools would have severely damaged his tool while cutting off the tool it was trapped in? Triple yikes.

A pair of dentists finally freed his member from the tool, but I think that the most excruciating thing of all, the most painful, the most embarrassing, the biggest induced cringe of the whole story is that one of the pictures clearly shows the wrench they removed. It was a 14 mm box end wrench.



Lots of wrath in an A-10


Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall -Proverbs 16:18

Pride is known as the mother of all sins, but it's a tough one. Certainly there isn't anything wrong with being proud of one's accomplishments, or family or history. That's why I like the word hubris. Hubris is overconfidence or foolish pride, and that's what gets you into trouble. Where better to witness this than in battle?

The Worst Battlefield Blunders: Five Battles That Ended Badly

The list is a bit western and modern-centric, but certainly pride played a big role in most of these defeats. I think the author is a little hard on Custer (BTW, Little Big Horn is one of the absolute best National Battlefield Parks out there, if you're ever within 300 miles of it I recommend that you go). Yes, his hubris at LBH proved to be his undoing, but it was Custer who saved the Union's ass on the third day at Gettysburg. He stopped J.E.B. Stuart from falling on the Union center from behind as Pickett advanced from the front. Without Custer, we might today speak of Lee's brilliance in crushing Meade at the penultimate battle of the War of Southern Independence (The sack of DC would have been the final battle. Lee was south of the Army of the Potomac, remember. If he prevails there was no Union force capable of stopping him this side of the White House). The article makes it sound like he was always utterly incompetent.


What, you want me to do all of them for you? Just spoon feed you links and commentary while you sit and drool mindlessly? I suggest you look in the mirror, dear Moron. That's greed. That's greed indeed.

Tonight's ONT brought to you by power lines:


The Yahoo Group can think of a whole bunch more sins than this, and regularly practices all of them.

digg this
posted by WeirdDave at 09:49 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Tom Nichol, presently transitioning: "Louise Mensch is my hero! In fact, I bought some ..."

BurtTC: "you wonder just how much Nichols is being paid by ..."

SMOD: "Preparing the battlespace ... The former head o ..."

Romeo13: "They really don't get it... Trump is a symptom, to ..."

Zombie John Pinnette: "[i]Confucius say, man with tits and belly gets loc ..."

TheJamesMadison, navigating a corrupt and violent world with Clint Eastwood: "76 What's so funny about this is that it's obvious ..."

Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden: "[i] Non-Toolheads might not appreciate how well p ..."

m: "365 Peter Jackson trying to coach Christopher Lee ..."

stu-mick-o-sucks: "Ace, you have butchered the English language all i ..."

Taq, Rickrolled by Jesus: ""This is insufficient, Scrapple Rack wheezes, his ..."

Xipe Totec: "Ace hasn't degraded Venison yet, which is cool, as ..."

buzzion: "You've got to give Nichols one thing over Baseball ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64