The Seven Deadly Sins of the ONT

Before we delve into your sins, Morons, lets just take a moment to appreciate this little bit of trolling. Hockey season will be over before my next ONT, so this one definitely has an expiration date.

(Rinne was pulled tonight at the first intermission after allowing 3 goals on 9 shots, so maybe this wasn't trolling, maybe it was prophecy)

You can play hockey player or an Ikea product? for yourself if you'd like.

Envy

Who depends more on envy than anyone else? Why, Socialists, of course. The entire philosophy is a stinking morass of envy and another deadly sin, greed. Like these guys:

That's Micheal D. Higgins, president of Ireland, along with golden 1%er Bernie Sanders, who recently snagged an $800,000 advance for his latest book. Personally, I prefer their earlier work:

Sloth

Why Sloths Almost Die Every Time They Have to Poop

Actually pretty interesting, link includes must see video: a sloth pooping.

Gluttony

I have no desire to step on the toes of our resident foodie CBD, but I do want to recommend some of the recipe accounts on Twitter like @tasty or @DIYCookery. I do most of the cooking at my house, and I frequently check them for inspiration on what to make. Most of them feature short time lapse video of a recipe being made, and if you have basic cooking knowledge you should be able to follow along easily and make them yourself. Some of the recipes have been smash hits, others not so much. Still, the wife and kid demand to be fed every day (talk about greed!), and I find these accounts a valuable resource when I'm wracking my brains trying to think of something new to make.

Lust

Lust?

Nah, that's not lust, that's just a man who is bound and determined to keep his priorities straight. This is lust:

Man has his PENIS trapped inside a wrench for 17 hours

Where to begin? Should we start with the fact that this guy is 37? Nah. How about that he is a bachelor? I think that probably goes without saying. The fact that it took him 17 hours to seek medical help? Understandable because of the embarrassment factor.

Well, how about the cringe inducing information that his penis was “swollen and purple”? Yikes. The even more cringe inducing fact that they contacted his parents to get approval for the surgery? Double yikes. That firemen were called, but couldn't do anything because their tools would have severely damaged his tool while cutting off the tool it was trapped in? Triple yikes.

A pair of dentists finally freed his member from the tool, but I think that the most excruciating thing of all, the most painful, the most embarrassing, the biggest induced cringe of the whole story is that one of the pictures clearly shows the wrench they removed. It was a 14 mm box end wrench.

Ouch.

Wrath

Lots of wrath in an A-10

Pride

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall -Proverbs 16:18

Pride is known as the mother of all sins, but it's a tough one. Certainly there isn't anything wrong with being proud of one's accomplishments, or family or history. That's why I like the word hubris. Hubris is overconfidence or foolish pride, and that's what gets you into trouble. Where better to witness this than in battle?

The Worst Battlefield Blunders: Five Battles That Ended Badly

The list is a bit western and modern-centric, but certainly pride played a big role in most of these defeats. I think the author is a little hard on Custer (BTW, Little Big Horn is one of the absolute best National Battlefield Parks out there, if you're ever within 300 miles of it I recommend that you go). Yes, his hubris at LBH proved to be his undoing, but it was Custer who saved the Union's ass on the third day at Gettysburg. He stopped J.E.B. Stuart from falling on the Union center from behind as Pickett advanced from the front. Without Custer, we might today speak of Lee's brilliance in crushing Meade at the penultimate battle of the War of Southern Independence (The sack of DC would have been the final battle. Lee was south of the Army of the Potomac, remember. If he prevails there was no Union force capable of stopping him this side of the White House). The article makes it sound like he was always utterly incompetent.

Greed

What, you want me to do all of them for you? Just spoon feed you links and commentary while you sit and drool mindlessly? I suggest you look in the mirror, dear Moron. That's greed. That's greed indeed.

Tonight's ONT brought to you by power lines:

The Yahoo Group can think of a whole bunch more sins than this, and regularly practices all of them.

posted by WeirdDave at 09:49 PM

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