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August 16, 2014

New Thread [Y-not]

It's been pretty quiet around here, so I'm going to use coblogger's privilege and use this space to shine some light on a couple of blog posts that were referred to in the comments earlier this week, but that you may have missed.

The first one is by blogger Modern Comments and tells her personal story as the wife of someone battling depression. Go read the whole thing, but here's an excerpt:

Depression made Dave feel worthless. Unworthy of love, undeserving of life. Those "voices" (if you will) that come with depression drown out all reason and rational thought. It didn't matter what I said or how I tried to help him get out of the darkness; the voices told him he wasn't worth saving. That he didn't deserve to get help, and that - even if he did - it wouldn't work. Dave later told me depression would take things, normal everyday things, and twist them. He could, for example, listen to the lyrics of Josh Groban's "Don't Give Up" (Don't give up, you are loved) and he would hear "Just give up, you're not loved."

It also drove him to say things that were incredibly hurtful. He often told me I "deserved someone better" (or younger), and that he wasn't sure he ever loved me or why he married me. I really don't think there are many more things that could be said that would cut me as deeply. It wasn't meant in the way bitterly divorcing couples say it; it came from a place where he was so wounded that he felt incapable of loving himself. So, logically, how could he love someone else? And, going back to his (wrong) belief that I deserved "someone better," he felt he'd condemned me to a miserable life. This is what depression does.

Wait... I do know something that's more hurtful: watching your spouse talk about suicide. Hearing that he has a plan and that he's resigned to carry it out. And knowing that, ultimately, there's not a damn thing you can do to stop him if he really wants to do it.

I took my wedding band off. I'd reach my capacity and decided that if Dave wasn't going to seek help, I had to persevere for and preserve myself.

It's not only a profound window into the darkness of depression, but also a touching story of saving a marriage. Highly recommend it. I think a lot of us "old timers" can relate to their story.

The second one was mentioned by several commenters last week. It's by Doc Zero and was originally published several years ago after the suicide of Walter Koenig's son. Here's an excerpt from "A Prayer from the Living World:"

You won't find the beginning of that path in your house, or your room, or any other private place where you torment yourself, and wonder why a world you're hiding from can no longer see you. You'll have to step outside, and take a walk through your town. You'll pass hospitals where the gift of life is unwrapped and presented to the universe. In another wing, life is held as precious treasure by families gathered around quiet beds, surrounded by tireless machines and their tired, but determined, keepers. Perhaps you'll find a hospice, where the dying embrace their last opportunity to share their lives with all who receive the blessing of a seat beside them. You'll pass churches and temples, filled with the sworn enemies of despair.

You may find yourself wishing you could give the unwanted years of your future to the clients of those hospitals and hospices. I did, years ago, when I stood where you are standing now. I was on my knees at the time, offering that trade with all my heart. It doesn't work that way. Those who tend the hospices can tell you why, and the people in the churches and temples can explain why it shouldn't.

Some days it is hard to remain hopeful, but we owe it to ourselves, our loved ones, and our Creator to try.

Incidentally, last night I attended a performance of "Fiddler on the Roof," which I had never seen (not even the movie version). I was in a pretty bad mood yesterday evening, but I think sitting there quietly on a blanket under the stars (the performance was at the Sundance Resort) gave me some much-needed perspective.

I think you can go here to watch the movie.

Open thread. Try to keep it positive and be gentle with each other.

**Too depressing? OK, OK! I was going to link to an upbeat song, but how about THIS instead? Me at 10 weeks. Please note how rakishly askew my halo is!**


***Even better, you should follow BCochran's lead and do something amazing, like this:

digg this
posted by Open Blogger at 07:36 PM

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