Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries
Democrats Save Mike Johnson's Ukraine Spending Package
RFKJr. Makes the Ballot in Worst State for Biden -- Michiganistan THE MORNING RANT: Another Prominent Atheist Discovers the Civilizational Importance of Christianity Mid-Morning Art Thread The Morning Report — 4/19/24 Israel War Daily Tech News 19 April 2024 The ONT Is Coming! The ONT Is Coming! Cliff-Racing Cafe Rapid Strikes Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
Texas MoMe 2024: 10/18/2024-10/19/2024 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info |
« Reliable Progressive Bubbleheads Michael Barnacle, Andrea Mitchell Admit Their Confidence in Obama is Badly Shaken |
Main
| Lois Lerner Email: We Should Be Careful What We Say In Emails And, Say, Just Curious: The IRS' Internal Instant-Message System Isn't Archived By Any Chance, Is It? » July 09, 2014
Obama Graciously Compliments Republicans: "I don't think they're all terrible people. I think they love their families."(Written in the style of Foreign Cabbie Interviewer Tom Friedman and his imitator Matt Ygelsias.) So I was taking a cab from LaGuardia to a TED conference I had been kindly invited to attend (the precise topic of which escapes me, but I think it had something to do with either quantum mechanics or the penis) and I happened to notice that my driver, an amiable man of some 60 years, was foreign-born (at least to go by his name, which contained, to these eyes at least, a distressingly low incidence of actual vowels and a near-inundation of apostrophes, which are, I have always thought, the raindrops of the written world, n'est-ce pas?). I knew then that this swarthy Helmsman on the Asphalt River would therefore be nearly a-burst at the seams with Folk Wisdom, simple yet incisive observations of the sort that we have all but lost in the hurly-burly and argy-bargy of our so-called newfangled "Jet Age." I immediately took out my pen and moleskine and put a prudential fingertip to my temple to activate what I call my "Thinky SmartFace." I find that affecting the outward appearance of contemplation necessarily induces a change in one's inner state, much as a smile, even one feigned, is reported to have quite sanguinary effects as far as one's mood. (Maybe that was what the TED conference was about, now that I think upon it? No, I'm pretty sure it was about penises. Either penises or Jupiter's moons.) "What wisdom can you apart to me, O dusky-hued herdsman of the flock metallic?" I ventured, leaning forward so that I would not miss a breath of his sage discursions, even if he whispered them dramatically, like Morgan Freeman in one of those movies where he says smart shit. "Thees Obama, I don't understand," my savage chauffeur began, his words pregnant with the Wisdom of the Veldts. Do they have those there? I don't really know what veldts are. Does "veldt" mean "full of grass" or "absolutely no grass"? Wait, do I mean tundra? No I'm pretty sure he wasn't from anywhere that had tundra, unless "tundra" means "chickens in the streets," and I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Nevermind all that, for now he completed his thought. "Thees Obama, he is always fighting with the GOP. Always a 'war on' this or a 'war on' that. Where I come from, we know real war, with children killed by mines laid in the paths even to the drinking well. That is why I fled the veldts to come here. Not for more war, but for peace." Fuck me, it was veldts. Well done, Thinky SmartFace. "So I don't understand," the man continued, "why thees Obama speaks this way, and why he doesn't rule like a president should, with greatness of spirit. One should not speak of war unless one intends war. And one should not intend war unless one is ready to bury one's children." Damn, this foreign goatfucker with the shaky paperwork was like goldmine of Pulitzer Prize winning copy. Did you hear what he just said? Son of a bitch, I could see Oprah Winfrey saying that. Easiest column I ever wrote, and My God, you don't even know how little I bother working to write these. So there you go. And thus, in a magnanimous gesture that will echo throughout eternity, President Obama allows: "I don't think they're all terrible people. I think they love their families." | Recent Comments
brak:
"[i]While I'm all for DJT becoming number 47 (which ..."
MikeN: "Palestinians killed his dad, and now they are goin ..." mustbequantum: "I did not know this: 2 of the 5 NFL gams ending w ..." Yudhishthira's Dice: "Problem is that 2024 is not 2020. Trying the same ..." People's Hippo Voice: "I posted it yesterday, but at this time in 2020, B ..." sharon(willow's apprentice): "Trump could easily win the popular vote, and the E ..." Montec: "There have been 5 million illegals allowed in duri ..." Nova Local: "Vote to get the foreign aid bills going was 316-9 ..." Montec: "I have some RINOish friends. They hate Trump, not ..." redridinghood : "Trump could easily win the popular vote, and the E ..." mrp: "In Pennsylvania, the PA Legislature and the Govern ..." Sock Monkey * waterwings fer sale: "Now the only question is if they are willing to ch ..." Recent Entries
Democrats Save Mike Johnson's Ukraine Spending Package
RFKJr. Makes the Ballot in Worst State for Biden -- Michiganistan THE MORNING RANT: Another Prominent Atheist Discovers the Civilizational Importance of Christianity Mid-Morning Art Thread The Morning Report — 4/19/24 Israel War Daily Tech News 19 April 2024 The ONT Is Coming! The ONT Is Coming! Cliff-Racing Cafe Rapid Strikes Search
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |