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June 07, 2014

Saturday Gardening Thread: Show and Tell Edition [Y-not and WeirdDave]

Greetings gardeners! Welcome to your Saturday lawn and garden thread brought to you by The Turnip:

**Mild content warning for bawdy Blackadder video**

Gardening season is fully underway for most of the horde, so we thought it would be a great time to give our gardeners a chance to share the fruits of their labors thus far.

Pictures are courtesy of various morons and lurkers. Captions are by the irreplaceable (I know, I've tried!) WeirdDave.

First off, courtesy of NOVA Piedmont Lurkers we have this contribution:

My husband and I are longtime lurkers living in the Northern Virginia Piedmont. Although we have a 4x12 foot in ground garden for most of our tomatoes and squash, we tried something new this year. Now that we are retired (with attendant aches) a really raised bed was desired. My husband used 2 metal sawhorses (purchased at a yard sale), a donated metal ladder, and 7 Earthboxes. The crop from this ladder garden consists of oregano, thyme, dill, tomatoes, scallions, peppers, arugula, lettuce, eggplant, and spinach.



WeirdDave: The Nazis were fully aware that the allied prisoners had a vast network of illicit materials and were always trying to get information on where they were hidden from the plants hiding them. Their methods of extracting information were typically crude and cruel. Here plants, whose natural habitat is lush, deep soil, are confined in boxes on a torture rack made from two sawhorses and a ladder. The boxes contain barely enough nutrients for the plants to survive, but below Is soil as far as the eye can see. A trellis is cunningly positioned to offer a false hope of reaching the ground below to the plants, but since plants are not ambulatory, they could do nothing. It is estimated that millions of plants died trying desperately to evolve feet. It is a point of bittersweet pride to gardeners that in the entire history of the Third Reich, there is not one instance of a plant talking and betraying the allies.

Y-not: NOVA Piedmont Lurkers' cool garden made from repurposed objects is so neat! I love clever ideas like this. Here are a couple of links to other repurposed objects used in the garden courtesy of The Cottage Market and The Micro Gardener.

What objects have you been able to repurpose in your garden?

Courtesy of lurker Spun and Murky from ArkLaTex we have this "minimalist" garden which he entitled Growing Potatoes In A Sack:


WeirdDave: Flowerpots were often used by allied prisoners of war in WWII to hide their extensive network of escape tunnels and contraband. These pots are located outside Luftwaffe Stalag 13, and represent only a few of the hundreds that were used to conceal Bob Crane's massive porn stash.

Y-not: I forgot to ask him what type of taters he's growing. I've never grown potatoes, but for those of you who'd like to get started, here's a Potato Selector Guide courtesy of Thompson and Morgan.

I know we have a few spuds farmers who frequent the Gardening Thread. Which varieties do you like? Which would you recommend for first-time tater farmers?

From long-time moronette MamaAJ who is in Zone 8 (North Louisiana) we have this mouth-watering contribution showing her blackberry harvest:


And here's a view of the bush producing those delectable berries:


WeirdDave: It is important for every gardener to have a fence. Fences keep unwanted pests out of the garden and can be a useful landscape accent. This picture features a stunning example of a traditional unpainted American Board fence. Unfortunately there is a bush obscuring the shot, google images will yield many clear pictures of this oft overlooked garden necessity.

Y-not: As I mentioned last week, my small crop of strawberries is being enjoyed by a greedy robin. I'm on the fence about whether or not I should install deer netting over the strawberries. I probably won't because I'm lazy and don't want to risk hurting the birds.

What techniques do you use to keep critters from eating all of your fruits?

Also from MamaAJ we have this picture of a pretty bed of flowers:


Sticking with the flower motif, we have this contribution from a lurker in Maryland:


WeirdDave: This flower is a pink peony. Trivia: it is the only flower named after an ailment commonly suffered by 14 year old boys with too much access to online porn.

Y-not: Mr Y-not and I had peonies growing near the edge of our yard when we lived in Indiana. They certainly are showy flowers, but I've always been told that they attract ants so I've never planted them near my house. Is that true or is it an old wives' tale?

From our regular Hrothgar we have these arboreal contributions. The first is a Japanese maple tree that has grown from seed. This particular one is three years old and stands 36 inches tall. Hrothgar tells me that "Mama tree" is 20 feet tall:


WeirdDave: Ahh, the dreaded red maple. Red maples are glaring example of the evil we face in international communism. Our freedom loving neighbor to the north, Canada, has long had the maple as it's national symbol, making it a potent target for assimilation by communists. If you see one of the bastard traitor trees, remember the words of Mike Hammer:

"I killed more people tonight than I have fingers on my hand. I shot them in cold blood and enjoyed every minute of it. I pumped slugs in the nastiest bunch of bastards you ever saw and here I am calmer than I've ever been, and happy too. They were Communists, Lee. They were red sons of bitches who should have died long ago..."

The only thing to do to to a red maple is to cut it down before it can spread. Don't use a chainsaw or an axe. Use nail clippers. It takes longer, make the bastard tree suffer for trying to contaminate our purity of essence.

Hrothgar also sends along these pictures of a Kousa dogwood which he calls a "pale and scruffy imitation of a real dogwood."



WeirdDave: Here we have a lovely dogwood tree. Legend has it that dogwood was the wood used in the cross upon which he who was called the Christ was crucified. The tree was so mortified at being put to such a use that as he died Christ promised it in verse that it would never be used in that way again:

"Oh humble tree, tool of my death,
Your time on earth is not done yet.
Never again will you grow strong,
You shall bear witness to this grave wrong.
Now you stand, proud and tall,
From this day on you shall be small.
Children will swing from your limbs,
Which shall break, crushing heads in.
You flowers shall attract many bees,
All infected with dogwood disease.
You're cursed for all time, bitter tree,
All of this in remembrance of me."

And thus it has been since. Some historians believe that these are really the last words of Cthulhu, the records aren't clear on this point.

Hrothgar reports:

We lost a beautiful stand of true dogwoods to anthracnose, but now I hear there may be a successful anti-fungal (Mancozeb) to counter this.

Have any of you had success combating fungal infections in your flowering trees?

Finally, from the Wilds of Connecticut courtesy of long-time regular and Twitter fanatic extraordinaire CoolCzech, we have these contributions (believe me when I tell you I opened HIS image files with considerable trepidation!):


WeirdDave: Stranger danger! This looks like a pastoral, pleasant scene. Don't be fooled! Luring here are 6 deadly predators waiting to waylay YOUR kids. The innocent looking birdbath? It's a Weeping Angel. Concealed to the right is a van with "free candy" painted on its side. 4 Democrats are also cleverly hidden, wanting nothing more than to steal your kid's happiness and money, but mostly their money. Be warned! Parents are advised to keep their kids on a 3-inch leash at all times, and to vote Republican.


WeirdDave: What a lovely, peaceful setting. Can't you just imagine relaxing on this bench on a lazy summer day, reading your favorite book and enjoying the shade and the sunshine. This is what gardening is all about, living our human connection to the beauty that is nature.

Y-not: CoolCzech (who is clearly a One Percenter!) tells me that the large tree shading the bench is a hickory. I admit, I don't know much about these trees so to Bing we go! Apparently, they are very slow-growers, but can get to be HUGE and live hundreds of years. They are prized for both their nuts and the shade they provide. Read more about them here at Peak Prosperity's gardening group.

What's your favorite shade tree?

Thanks for your contributions! 'Hope we can do this again sometime.

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posted by Open Blogger at 12:41 PM

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