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October 29, 2011

Overnight Open Thread

Liberals say a lot of things but their actions never seem to match up to what they are saying. Here's a quick tutorial on how to translate those duplicitous bastards. How To Speak Liberal: 20 Words and Phrases Translated.

Compassion: Feeling good about yourself for wanting to give away money you didnít earn to people you hope will vote for your side.

Jesus: Someone who shouldnít ever be brought up in schools, other government buildings, or politics in general unless youíre claiming he was really a liberal whoíd be in favor of gay marriage and abortion.

Racism: A word you cry when youíre losing an argument with a conservative.

No justice, no peace: Give us money and weíll find someone else to bother.
Our opponents refuse to compromise on this issue: The Republicans refuse to do everything we want.

That charge is outrageous: That charge is true, but itís embarrassing that you brought it up in public.

World Population

So we have already or will soon achieve 7 billion people on the planet. Ever wonder what your human number is in that very large pool? Go here to calculate it. I'm the 3,689,598,070th person alive on the planet Earth and the 77,819,740,366th person alive since history began. Some interesting factoids pop up while you finish the survey too. Like Qatar is the fastest growing country in the world.

Flamethrowing Jack-O'-Lantern

I'm sure y'all started to make your Jack-O'-Lanterns this weekend. But did you make a flamethrowing one??? Hmmm??? Here's your instructions to pull this off.

A flamethrowing jack-o'-lantern keeps the trick-or-treaters a safe distance from your house and is a fine addition to any anti-Halloween arsenal. At the first sign of any sugar-obsessed imp, simply press the trigger button and wirelessly shoot a one-second burst of flames out of the jack-o'-lantern's mouth. This plume of hellfire will make even the most bold of people think twice about approaching your door. Very few people are willing to risk life and limb for the chance of a tiny box of milk duds.

Name This Celebrity

If you guessed Steven Tyler, you would be correct. Good God man. Supposedly he got his ass kicked by a shower (passing out due to food poisoning and dehydration). Um, what? No drugs and booze?

Facts About You

Here are some Facts About You That Will Blow Your Mind.

Your body is constantly replacing cells, so much so in fact, you have a completely different body than you did seven years ago.

The amount of information your brain can hold is bepeved to be up to 1000 terabytes. The IBM supercomputer Watson, the one Jeopardy! contestants competed against earper in the year has 16 terabytes of RAM (what a dumbass ).

With the sperm in your testicles right now (guys), you could repopulate Dallas, and it would take you 6 months to repopulate the entire planet.

Need An Earcleaning?

Japan. Always at the forefront. I'm totally down with this. Tokyo Trend: Ear-cleaning Parlors. Some of the best haircuts I've ever had were in Japan too.

Pumpkin Vampire Kitteh

Christina Hendricks Image of the Day

Ok, Ok. I couldn't make that THE Christina Hendricks picture of the day. How about this one?

Scotch sales just surged among the moron herd. 34 More Pics Of Christina Hendricks At The Bar for the November issue of Men's Health.

Haunted Houses

How To Tell If Your House Is Haunted. One thing stood out to me when they talked about what tools you need for ghost-hunting. There are no weapons.

Funny TV Screenshots

Heh. 20 Of The Funniest TV Screenshots Of All Time.

Bathroom Rules

7 Unwritten Bathroom Laws Everyman Should Heed And Follow.

Speaking of neighbors, men should be spaced out as far as humanly possible among available urinals. As such, the only reason someone should be standing right next to me when Iím taking a piss is when there are no other open urinals available. If youíre the only dude in a line of urinals, and some guy comes and unzip right next to you, then I think itís safe to say youíd feel a bit uncomfortable. Remember that golden rule? Well, apply it liberally when in a public restroom.

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