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October 08, 2010

Alvin Greene's Lawyer: Hey, When He Showed That Young Coed Internet Dick-Pictures, He Was Just Trying to Flirt

True dat, true dat. Brother, you're preaching to the choir.

South Carolina Democratic Senate nominee Alvin Greene was just trying to flirt with a teenage college student when he allegedly showed her online pornography in a campus computer lab last year, his attorney said Thursday.

“He was attempting to flirt with a young lady who had no interest in him,” Eleazer Carter told The Associated Press. “While the charges are very serious, I think it boils down to, when a lady turns you down, has it reached a criminal offense?”

Yes. That is an important question regarding sexual harassment -- no, it can't be the case that just because a man asks a woman out and she's not interested it's a crime.

But there are objective standards of behavior we enforce in society and one of them is "Do not show people pornographic material unsolicited." Yes, you can have porn. No, you can't proselytize your porn enthusiasms to an unwilling woman or child. Or man, for that matter.

Your right to extend your fist stops at my nose and your right to get off on internet porn ends at my eyeline. You just can't show unsolicited dick-pictures to strangers or near-strangers. Period.

Now, speaking of Brett Favre. Deadspin delivers, mostly, on its claim that Brett Favre tried to pick up a chick with voicemail messages (fine) and then pictures of his dick (not as fine). I guess he too could be facing charges, if the recipient cared to file them (which she doesn't).

I don't really care about this story too much -- professional athlete is an egotistical, horny boor who thinks the world revolves around his hog; news at eleven -- but it is interesting that ESPN choses to embargo the story. Deadspin's big schtick is that "sports reporters" and especially ESPN protect and coddle their subjects like most celebrity "news" outlets do.

And it is my firm belief that somehow the legions of Brett Favre jock-sniffers -- most announcers, who cannot report on Brett Favre taking a dump without turning it into some grand statement about the power of human determination -- will eventually turn this story into some kind of testament to the character of Brett Fuckin' Favre.

Guys, if you love him so much, just marry him already.

Here's my impression of every football color man reporting on the dick-pictures:

"Wow, he's still just like a kid out there! Hurling his wiener around with reckless abandon! Why, I haven't seen an athlete put this much heroic effort into taking pictures of his lunch-meat since, well, since Brett Favre punched the clown just three days after the death of his father!"

And etc.

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posted by Ace at 01:35 PM

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