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Overnight Open Thread – Men Behaving, uh… (genghis)

The common theme here seems to be control of those unsightly male areas. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

Item #1: Some strange goings-on in the placid town of Wausau, Wisconsin. According to the AP headline on this article Man’s 4 Scorned Lovers Get Revenge, But Now Face Prison. Only four? What a piker. Naturally you want salacious details. Fine, but I provide these only as a cautionary tale.

”WAUSAU, Wis. (AP) - A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at an eastern Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents. Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach in a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover's quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County. Now it's the women who face punishment, perhaps six years in prison, and at least one said Monday the story has gotten twisted and she's embarrassed.”

So far I’m not really seeing the problem here. In certain parts of the country people pay large sums of money for similar treatment. Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing.

”The women's plot for revenge unfolded last Thursday at the Lakeview Motel about 30 miles southwest of Green Bay in the tiny village of Stockbridge near the scenic shores of Lake Winnebago. Criminal complaints filed Friday allege the man agreed to be bound with "sheer sheets" and blindfolded with a pillowcase for a "rub down" by Ziemann. She instead cut off his underwear with a scissors and summoned the others to the room with a text message. Ziemann struck the man in the face, and used Krazy Glue to attach his penis to his stomach when the other women arrived, according to the complaints.”

Nope. Still not seeing an issue here. Maybe it has something to do with these so-called “sheer sheets,” though since there’s no Wikipedia entry on that they obviously don’t exist. So perhaps some sort of fraud was involved here. However, the man should’ve expected something was amiss when the Krazy Glue made its appearance. As we all know, that’s overkill and a bit harsh on the junk. Normally just a little dab of Liquid Nails will suffice. That should’ve set off alarms right there and told him he wasn’t dealing with professionals and should hold off until he could get a couple more estimates on the job. All’s well that ends well though:

”The man got free from the bed by chewing through one of his bindings, went outside and borrowed a telephone from the motel owner to call police.”

The ladies are currently free on $200 cash bonds and you may view these visions of loveliness at the link which has their mugshots. However, according to the article: “The Associated Press is not naming the man's wife to protect his identity as an alleged victim of sexual assault.” So alas you don’t get her mugshot either. Personally, that sorta’ spoils the whole thing for me. YMMV.

More manly happenings below the fold…

Item #2:Now that we’ve got the junk secured, we can move on to securing that beer gut with The Mirdle or “Men’s Girdle.” I don’t think these things are actually new…seems like I’ve seen really old classic movies where guys were wrapping something like corsets around the same area. But ABC/Good Morning America seems to think they’re new, and as a latent metrosexual, who are you to argue? STFU and go get one, pronto! Now if we can just get the whole Seinfeldian “Man-Bra” vs. “The Bro” debate settled, we’re good to go. Well, that and foot binding. I’m sure that’s under development though, so don’t worry your pretty little heads about it.

Item #3:And posted here for no particular reason, Eugene, Oregon has decided to change the name of a park that has a torture reference in its name. Wait for it…wait for it…

LEABURG, Ore. (AP) - The Eugene Water & Electric Board plans to shorten the official name of a Leaburg park because the current one includes a torture technique.The board's switching the name from Lloyd Knox Water Board Park to simply Lloyd Knox Park.”

Betcha’ didn’t see THAT one coming. Like most people you probably assumed that the park somehow had a reference to “European Technopop” in it.

Tonight’s ONT is sponsored by the Abominog, a mythical creature that only lives on the covers of Uriah Heep albums.

"Give us a kiss, wouldja' luv?"

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