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October 17, 2008

"Gobsmackingly Vile" Facts About Joe the Plumber

Eventually, someone was going to get around to covering this angle. Why not me?

I'll get 'ya started:

1. Extensive DNA analysis has determined that Joe the Plumber is Trig Palin's birthmother.

2. Joe the Plumber personally handloaded the shotgun shells Dick Cheney used to blast his Texas hunting companion in the face. The shells were loaded with #6 lead shot and virulent racial hate, but mostly #6 lead shot. (AoSHQ co-blogger rule #73.b.2 - "In the event that a co-blogger cannot work "The Warriors", references to the Paul Anka mythos, or "Tuff Turf" content into a post, they are required to use a minimum of one 'X and Y, but mostly X' joke into said post.")

3. In October of 1980, Joe the Plumber boarded a top secret SR71 Blackbird flight from a secret private airstrip in SW Maine in order to travel to Tehran. His mission? Loosen up a really vicious hairball in the pipes at Ayatollah Khomeni's private guesthouse in Zabol and finalize negotiations for the Iranian Embassy hostages to be held until AFTER Ronald Reagan was sworn in the next January.

4. Joe the Plumber's real first name is Samuel. What most people DON'T know about him, is that he has more than one middle name. His full name is actually Samuel Joseph Elian Gonzales Wurzelbacher. Obviously, this means the man is a RethugliKKKan plant.

OK, Morons. Have at it.

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posted by Russ from Winterset at 01:38 PM

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