|
||
Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries
Land Of The ONT And The Home Of The Brave
A Vehicle With a One Dogpower Engine Cafe Biden Wants to Talk To You About Raising Taxes, and Sniffing Your Children's Sexy Hair Quick Hits Emails, Calendars Reveal Jeffrey Epstein's Circle of Trust Media Admits: The Little Mermaid Reboot May Not Even Break Even Mental and Emotional GAINZZZ The Daily Wire Takes Up Elon Musk's Offer to Use Twitter As if It is a Free Speech Platform and Exhibit the Film What Is a Woman? -- But Twitter Employees Demand the Film be Censored, or Face Being Labeled "Hate Speech" and Shadowbanned Tara Reade: The Biden DOJ Openend An Investigation Into Me In 2020, and May Indict Me At Any Time JustTheNews.com: Previously Hidden January 6th Video Shows Nancy Pelosi Continuing to Work With Her Daughter On Her "Documentary" at the Time She Claims She Was Terrified By Dangerous "Insurrectionists" Absent Friends
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
NoVaMoMe 2023:
06/10/2023
Registration closes May 31st. Texas MoMe 2021: 10/2o/2023-10/21/2023 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info |
« Barack Obama "Birth Certificate" -- Conclusively Fake? |
Main
| Heh: "Baby Alexander Hamilton" »
June 25, 2008
Anyone worried about the "Heller" case after some of the Supremes' latest rulings?Based on the court's findings that foreign terrorists captured & held overseas during the course of a war (or "unlawful police action" if you're Congressman Persnickety McPendantfairy Paul(R?, Twilight Zone) or one of his ilk) have the right to hearings in front of American Civilian courts, and their new finding that aggravated rape of a child does not rise to the level of a capital crime, I'm starting to worry that the DC v. Heller decision is going to be another 5-4 abomination. Because I'm all about derivative humor & stealing the hard-earned schtick of others, hows about a "Top Ten Probable Findings in the Heller Decision" post? C'mon, it'll be fun! Besides, what else are you going to do for the next five minutes? Go down to the "McCain for President" campaign office and volunteer to work the phone banks? I think not. 10. Due to Justice Breyer's interpretation of the 14th Amendment, and the precedent found in the landmark "Spiccoli v. Hand" (1982) decision from the 9th Circuit, residents of the District of Columbia are no longer required to Fight for their Right to Party. 9. Because of a little-known clause in Somali tribal law, the court finds because of the infringement of his rights, that Mr. Heller is entitled to damages from the government of the District consisting of seventeen goats and two virginal young ladies. His guns? Oh, yeah, sorry about that. The DC PD went ahead and melted them down six months ago without authorization. Tell you what Mr. Heller, why don't you go into their evidence locker and pick out any three guns that aren't involved with current open murder investigations, and we'll call it even? Work for you? 8. Following the precedent set in "Kramer v. Kramer" (1981), Dustin Hoffman is awarded custody of all of Mr. Heller's firearms, with the provision that Mr. Heller is allowed annual visitation rights during the second week of every August, and the weekend before Christmas. 7. Mr. Heller is allowed to keep his guns, but is required to loan them to every mentally unbalanced taxi driver with a mohawk who shows up at his door muttering about how "Bu$Hitler is in league with the Reptillian aliens". 6. The Court finds that while the defendant presented a good case for Miller Lite having great taste, the plantiff's contention that Miller Lite is less filling is more convincing. Less filling prevails in a 6-2 decision (with Souter abstaining, because he's never actually tasted a beer. Or seen a boobie). 5. Kelo gets Heller's guns, Heller gets immunity from any charges of raping children, Dred Scott gets 40 acres and a mule, Miranda gets the land where Kelo's house was formerly located, and Roe v. Wade will be re-decided based on the results of a chicken wing eating contest between Ann Coulter and Bill Maher. 4. OK, Scalia....call it in the air. What's that? Heads? Sorry, it's tails. DC wins. 3. Based on an excerpt from Jefferson's letter to the Augusta Scientologists found in the Second Edition of "Stuff Jefferson Said, Volume 2" and the contents of Federalist #73, this Court finds that Residents of the District of Columbia are entitled to "keep and beare any gatts theye be needin' for to keepe their Pimpe Handes strong"; however, Ginsburg threatened to stop wearing underwear if we caved on gun control, so we decided that Firearms, Jeff Foxworthy DVD's, and any recordings of Lee Greenwood shall all be considered contraband within the boundaries of the District of Columbia, subject to seizure and immediate destruction. Don't like it? Suck it, America. We've got tenure. 2. The Court finds that while the party of the first part appears to be the individual who put the "bop in the bop she bop she bop"; clear and convincing evidence exists that indicate that the party of the second part was responsible for putting the "ram in the rama lama ding dong". Accordingly, we find that both parties deserve a handshake, but are also jointly liable for damages due to their false representation that the plaintiff's "baby fell in love with me". And finally (because you're already sick of it; and, plus, we're at the end anyway, so you'd might as well stick around and read the last one, right?)....
Think you can do better? Add your own in the comments. | Recent Comments
San Franpsycho:
"Good evening morons and thanks wd for all the meme ..."
Dr. T: "This post seems contemptuous toward the brave men ..." BignJames: "Might I suggest that, one night the ONT should fea ..." Archimedes: "Not only was the Titanic a dinghy compared to the ..." zombie Kapitänleutnant Walther Schwieger: "My, such fat, juicy targets! ..." Walter Freeman: "[I]@12: "... only comment section more Maoist than ..." jewells45 fuck cancer: "Hi nurse! Hanging in there! ..." nurse ratched : "Jewells! Hi there sweetheart! How are you? ..." Tonypete: "Might I suggest that, one night the ONT should fea ..." Taq, Rickrolled by Jesus: "Thanks WD. Imma read the content but first... ..." mindful webworker - reading between the lines: "… Was trying to come up with a greeting, ..." jewells45 fuck cancer: "Good evening! ..." Recent Entries
Land Of The ONT And The Home Of The Brave
A Vehicle With a One Dogpower Engine Cafe Biden Wants to Talk To You About Raising Taxes, and Sniffing Your Children's Sexy Hair Quick Hits Emails, Calendars Reveal Jeffrey Epstein's Circle of Trust Media Admits: The Little Mermaid Reboot May Not Even Break Even Mental and Emotional GAINZZZ The Daily Wire Takes Up Elon Musk's Offer to Use Twitter As if It is a Free Speech Platform and Exhibit the Film What Is a Woman? -- But Twitter Employees Demand the Film be Censored, or Face Being Labeled "Hate Speech" and Shadowbanned Tara Reade: The Biden DOJ Openend An Investigation Into Me In 2020, and May Indict Me At Any Time JustTheNews.com: Previously Hidden January 6th Video Shows Nancy Pelosi Continuing to Work With Her Daughter On Her "Documentary" at the Time She Claims She Was Terrified By Dangerous "Insurrectionists" Search
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |