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April 01, 2008

Beta Octopussies, Dirty, Naughty Little Beasts

Marine biologists, living the lives we only dream of, who studied "octopus love lives found a kinky and violent society of jealous murders, gender subterfuge and once-in-a-lifetime sex."

It's like an episode of Seinfeld. Without the jealous murders, gender subterfuge (mostly), and once-in-a-lifetime sex. And pulling that beta sensitive crap to flummox the chicks.

octomonstah.jpg
Hey, how you doin?

The scientists watched the Abdopus aculeatus octopus, which are the size of an orange, for several weeks, in research published recently in the science journal Marine Biology. They witnessed picky, macho males carefully select a mate, then guard their newly domesticated digs so jealously that they would occasionally use their 8-to-10-inch tentacles to strangle to death a romantic rival.

8 to 10 inches. Garish monsters of the deep, freaks of nature.

The researchers also observed smaller "sneaker" male octopuses put on feminine airs, such as swimming girlishly near the bottom and keeping their male brown stripes hidden in order to win unsuspecting conquests.

Feminine airs? Hiding your stripes? What is this shit? I get the strangling part, the rest is like, WTF? Are these things dying off?

Truth from science:

If you're going to spend time guarding a female, you want to go for the biggest female you can find because she's going to produce more eggs," said UC Berkeley biologist Roy Caldwell, who co-wrote the study. "It's basically an investment strategy."

If you're going to spend time guarding a female, there will be investments. Trust me on this.


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posted by Dave In Texas at 07:38 PM

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