Ike Turner, RIP

Look, someone had to make sure she remembered her choreography, didn't they?

This is where I'd link Tim Meadows' Ike Turner impression -- where he repeatedly threatens Kevin Nealon, but then apologizes saying "You know I love you Kevin Nealon" -- but YouTube hates Tim Meadows.

Thanks to Mesablue, with this important update on necrotech.

Well, Here's Something: Ike Turner's Plan For Restoring America's Honor.

Step 1

OK, first things first, America. Stop smacking the bitch. I know sometimes you get caught up in the heat of the moment and you don't know when you've gone too far. Sometimes you just get so mad sometimes. I know you tried to warn Iraq. You told Iraq to stop provoking you. But Iraq wouldn't listen. Iraq was being stubborn and ignorant, and you had to teach Iraq a lesson. Now Iraq's all beaten and bruised and bleeding everywhere, fucking up the good carpet. It's time to chill the fuck out, America. You don't wanna kill Iraq. You just wanna show Iraq how much you love it. It's just sometimes you go a little crazy is all.

Step 2

Give Iraq a Kleenex and tell it to clean itself up. Tell Iraq to hurry, you ain't got all day.

Step 3

Now comes the hard part. You've got to apologize to Iraq, America. Even if you don't really mean it, you've got to swallow your pride and say the words "I'm sorry, baby." Tell Iraq that sometimes America just gets so mad sometimes, and things get out of hand. America doesn't mean to hurt Iraq. America just wants to teach Iraq a lesson, because America loves Iraq so much, baby. America knows what's best for Iraq, and if Iraq would just listen and stop being so stubborn, it could be the best country in the world.

First Rock N Roll Record Eveh? So some claim about Ike Turner's "Rocket 88."

I don't know... it sounds more or less like a full-fledged rock song of that era. I would imagine the first rock record would be, I don't know, not quite rock but almost there. Whereas this just sounds like Chuck Berry or that Blueberry Hill song. So I'm thinking there must be a true progenitor of rock and roll before this that doesn't sound exactly like early 50's rock.

Anyway, enjoy. Be advised: Betty Paige (I think) cheesecake stocking-donning video accompanies the song for no good reason, except the most important reason of all.

Thanks to Amish.

posted by Ace at 08:17 PM

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