No, Dumbledore, I will not join your Warcraft guild

That's right.

You and your whole guild of Chinese gold farming leet-ninja's can take your crappy ass guild and stick it up your pale, never seen the sun, pimpled ass.

Sure, you claim to be a "friendly guild" that wants to "help people level" and "run instances for phat loot".

But if that's the case, why are you continually sending me whispered messages asking me to engage in "HOT CHAT in the DEEPRUN TRAM"?

Look, I get it. You play a female Night Elf rogue on Warcraft. You think I don't know that you are a dude?

Let's face it, your character selection speaks volumes about who you are. You are a sexually frustrated 45 year old virgin, or a prepubescent 11 year old virgin. In any event, you are a virgin. And probably a Ron Paul supporter.

And despite my repeated protests, and my frequent use of the ignore feature, you continue to message me, under different names. I'm really getting pissed.

Get this straight, Dumbledore, or xxLegolasxx, or AzianHottie. I'm just not into you, and no amount of naked cartoon dancing in Ironforge is going to change my mind.

And, hells no, I will not lend you gold so you can buy your freakin' mount. You know who has money for your mount? The monsters you are supposed to kill, douchetool. If you would stop hitting me up every time I go to the auction house, and you would spend that time playing the damn game, you would have your mount.

Vent??? Teamspeak??? You have the audacity to invite me onto your Vent/Teamspeak channel where I actually have to listen to your drooling, "glaven!"-esque exclamations that leave me wondering which event will happen first: your balls will drop, your voice will change, or we'll put a Man on Mars. I'm betting on Mars.

And yes, I saw the commercial. "Four wheels of fury!" was funny the first time I saw it. So was "Leroy Jenkins". But just because you have an epic mount doesnt mean you have to have a macro yelling "I've just equipped the FOUR WHEELS of FURY!!!1!1!!!" everytime you get on your battle ram in Alterac Valley. Seriously, Dumbledore, it doesn't help your case.

For the love of Elune, if you start roleplaying one more time on this PVP server, I swear to freaking God, I will hack your account and shard all your armor. Who the frack ever heard of a "Lawful Good" rogue anyway? What the hell do you mean that "sapping is unsportsmanlike". This is PVP, noob! I swear, if you cause me to get ganked one more time, I'm gonna do some "role play" on your ass. My role? Marsellus Wallace. Your role? The hicks in the basement of the gun store.

Do you understand, Dumbledore? Am I getting thru to you?

So no, Dumbledore, I will not join your guild. Stop spamming me with requests to "sign your guild charter". Stop e-mailing me in game. In fact, just do us all a favor and delete your damn toon.

By the way...my guild is raiding SSC tonight at 7:00. Will you have your priest on-line? We need a healer.

posted by Jack M. at 02:46 PM

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