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August 05, 2007

Finally, a Cure for Bush Derangement Syndrome [rcl]

Bush Derangement Syndrome is reaching critical levels. Just in time, a safe and sane means to release the pressure. Other than blogging orgasmically on Kos about Cheney getting hit by a meteor or Bush getting tried by Judge Judy for war crimes. More astonishingly, Star Trek forsaw this problem way back when...

"Ardith Vescara is an angry young woman. On top of family and academic pressure, the 13-year-old Filipino says boys tease her at school...But instead of letting her emotions eat away at her, she is treating herself to an unusual form of anger management...At the Isdaan restaurant in Gerona, about three hours north of Manila, Vescara and other patrons work out their stress for 15 pesos (30 U.S. cents) a go by hurling plates at the "wall of fury" emblazoned with words such as ex-wife, boss and lover...A shout of "tacsiyapo" -- or "shame on you" in the local dialect -- usually accompanies the sound of smashing crockery...Vases and bowls are also available, while the wealthier of the furious patrons can toss an old TV set for 1,300 pesos..."Isn't it better to break these plates than your personal stuff at home?" Vescara said with a smile..."The top three targets are boss/manager; wine, women and gambling; and lastly the loan sharks," said Viola.Angie Trumpeta, a medical student, made the long journey after a marathon run of exams...An Elvis impersonator who entertains the patrons, Jerwin Cedillo, said it was not always easy dealing with angry people but they usually left Isdaan in a calmer state of mind..."


Finally, a sane and sensible response to Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS). No longer will liberals be forced make a mockery of themselves in print and on TV in vain attempts to expatiate the horror that is BDS. No longer will they have to prostrate themselves before the throne of hypocrisy, the alter of logical idiocy, with ridiculous arguments of "Support the troops but Hate the War (riors who fight it) ", "There is no connection between Saddam and Terrorism", blacks being stopped by police on election day, "DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINES are made of people (wait, that's soylent green-never mind)". Every time I see Chris Matthews blow a gasket over the latest BushCo. outrage or hear Keith Olbermann whine on about Ohio and Diebold, I am reminded of Mr. Spock during the Vulcan mating season, Pon Farr.

"Although Vulcans live strictly by the dictates of logic, their veneer of civilization is ripped away from them during pon farr, every seven years (for males; an undisclosed interval for females) of their adult life. Once triggered, Vulcans must have sexual contact with someone, preferably their mate, or else face insanity and death. Vulcans are capable of engaging in sexual relations outside of pon farr..."

Replace "Vulcans" with "Liberals". Replace "logic" with "crippling emotionalism". Replace "Pon Farr" with "election cycle". " years" with "four". Replace "preferably with mate" with "anything". You get:

"Although liberals live strictly by the dictates of crippling emotionalism, their veneer of civilization is ripped away from them during the election cycle, every four years (for males; an undisclosed interval for females) of their adult life. Once triggered, liberals must have sexual contact with someone, anything, or else face insanity and death. Liberals are capable of engaging in sexual relations outside of the election cycle (no shit)..."

It was like I was reading a biology text book. Gene Rodenberry was a genius.

Anyway, liberals can finally get to the bottom of the problem that is driving them crazier than Mr. Spock during Pon Farr. Just paste up a picture of Alfred E. McBushitlermonkey and yell "tacsiyapo". Sean Penn and George Clooney can toss tea cups and saucers like girls until their little arms and limp wrists get tired. Hillary (who could put up a picture of Bill and hate TWO Presidents at once) could hurl porcelain toilet bowls for hours. Howard Dean could drive a car through the wall and then jump up and down on the debris screaming inchoatly.

After purging themselves, as these people either hate or don't believe in God, they could receive comfort and counsel from from a secular authority, the Elvis impersonator (early Elvis, not the Vegas incarnation), a fitting embodiment of the liberal ethos (Elvis the Pelvis, baby, Rock'n'Roll forever).

As Howard Dean so aptly demonstrates every time he opens his mouth, mental health is a delicate thing and losing it is not pretty.


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posted by xgenghisx at 12:05 AM

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