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« Double Whammy for Women's Pay [Anwyn] | Main | Finally, a Cure for Bush Derangement Syndrome [rcl] »
August 04, 2007

AoS Lifestylers Form a Prison Union [rcl]

Let's face it, if your inclinations lead you to spend any time at all on this perfidious site, the odds are that you are going to end up in the slammer eventually, most likely on some sort of morals charge involving a minor or domestic animal. Just in time to make your stay at the Graybar Hotel a tad more pleasant...

“…U.N.I.O.N. _United for No Injustice, Oppression or
Neglect…_ Mule Creek Prison Complaints… Grievances of
Conscientious Men Incarcerated Within Mule Creek State


As I sink ever deeper into the Ace o’ Spades
Lifestyle™, it only seems prudent to take an interest
in prison reform and prisoner privilege…errr, rights.
I…prisoners, are merely guaranteed the constitutional
right to protection from “cruel and unusual
punishment”, and God only knows what Darth Rove,
Halliburton Inc. and the Elders of Zion would classify
as cruel and unusual in Amerikkka. Imagine my pleasant
surprise that my …constituency, has formed a union (of

“…Lack of Respect Much contempt, hostility, and
disrespect is shown by several MCSP staff members
toward the approximately 1,200 men with
sensitive-/protective-housing needs on Facility "B" at
MCSP. Some staff refer to us as "punks", "rats",
"drop-outs", "pieces of shit", and other such
derogatory names. tie are frequently cussed at and
talked down to like we are little children…”

This is personally compelling, as people already treat
me with “much” contempt and hostility and often refer
to me as a “punk” or a “rat” in my daily interactions.
Especially as my whole hearted embrace of the Ace
o’Spade Lifestyle™ has insured that, when finally
brought to bay, convicted and incarcerated, I do
indeed have special needs.

“…The cheap shower shoes sold in the inmate canteen
quickly become worn and smooth on the bottoms..”

One does not have this problem of shoddy workmanship
if one shops Gucci!

“Potholes _Despite several requests by our MAC, MCSP
has failed to repair all the potholes and uneven
surfaces on the recreation/exercise track and field
which fill with water and mud whenever it rains and
present serious safety hazards for both inmates and
staff. …”

Just because we are violent predators doesn’t mean
that society should not make every effort to
guarantee that we be protected, at all costs, from
potential exposure to a stubbed toe or broken toenail
during a cricket match.

“…The dental care we receive falls far below societal

In all honesty, crystal meth addiction and not having
even brushed my teeth in years pretty much guarantees
that any dental care will be an improvement.

“…MCSP has the men incarcerated within its walls on a
"heart-healthy" diet which is high in carbohydrates
and low in protein and fat. While this diet may be
ideal for endurance athletes and people who are able
to eat whenever hungry, it is miserable for prisoners
who only receive two cooked meals and a sack lunch per

This is a mixed bag. Those who engage in the…”active”
Andrew Sullivan Lifestyle™(also known as non-stop,
wall-to-wall buggery) might argue that this is an
endurance activity. Unfortunately, for those
attempting to fend off practitioners of the Andrew
Sullivan Lifestyle™ (also known as gang rape), a
little muscle mass comes in handy (along with a shiv).

“…Not too long ago, oranges, grapefruits, and other
fruits were regularly served to us with breakfast and
lunch. A temporary acting warden (Hickman) decided he
would try to eliminate inmate-manufactured alcohol
from MCSP by removing citrus and other items (i.e.,
sugar and honey) from our diet… The only fresh fruit
we get now is apples and an occasional banana. We are
also forced to sweeten foods and beverages with
artificial sweeteners loaded with chemicals…”

It is barbaric expect a man to get by on artificial
sweetner. Even worse, it’s often not even Splenda, but
an inferior product, such as Equal. Considering the
whole “prison rat” genealogy, coupled with “lab rat”
susceptibility to saccharine induced cancer, well, you
get the picture.

“…Many of the men incarcerated at MCSP have persistent
sinus problems due to the poor air quality inside
housing units and cells…”

This problem has become particularly acute since it
became so difficult to obtain pseudoephederine just
because a few bad apples used it to cook meth.

“…MCSP cells and housing units become extremely hot
and uncomfortable during summer months…”

Perhaps you could give us some of those, as described
by The Washington Post’s William Arkin, “obscene
amenities” that you are currently lavishing on Bush’s
Undeserving Storm Troopers in the Iraqi Desert. Unlike
military personnel, we deserve comfort during our

“…We want warm showers during winter months…”

Again, it’s not as though we volunteered to serve our
country and therefore acceded to the privations
associated with duty and sacrifice. None of us
“volunteered” to go to prison. We committed heinous
crimes. That being the case, if you are going to
insist on holding us against our will, we have to
insist that you have the decency to make our
incarceration, if not luxurious, tolerable. You owe us
at least that, you selfish bastards.

“These men must suffer and endure the daily
humiliation of having to defecate and wipe themselves
in full view of others…”

Again, as prisoners, we never agreed to the terms
commonly agreed to by people serving in combat or
practicing the Andrew Sullivan Lifestyle™. We are not
soldiers. We are prisoners. We deserve better.

“…Walkenhorst's is too expensive. For example, the
Sony CFD-V17 AM/FM radio with cassette/CD player is
sold to us by Walkenhorst's for $90.00. The exact same
item sells for .$50.00 at Good Guys, J.C. Penney's,
Radio Shack, Wal-Mart, and Target. We want to be able
to purchase from a wider selection of vendors to get
the best quality, service, and merchandise for our

If society had only been more compassionate and not
persecuted me for pursuance of the Ace o’ Spades
Lifestyle™, I would not be forced to buy my
constitutionally guaranteed electronic goods from
Walkenhorst, which is no doubt but another demonic
subsidiary of Halliburton. I would buy it at Good Guys
(but not from the non-union bastards at Wal Mart- Wal
Mart, now there is a crime). And please stop scoffing
as though you were some kind of expert on
constitutional law regarding my right to stuff I
really, really want. It’s there in the Constitution.
It’s a penumbra, like the right to abortion, or an
emanation, like homosexual marrige. Get another
Democrat into the Oval Office and we’re gonna
"discover" all kinda new rights.

“…Several court rulings have established that inmates
may receive adult magazines such as Hustler and

The importance of this is self-explanatory. Regarding
it’s basis in law, again, penumbra, Democrats.

“…Food prices in vending machines provided for inmates
and visitors in MCSP visiting rooms skyrocketed as
soon as the contract with Brown Rear Enterprises…”

Actually, nothing here. I just find it ironic that
that the term “Brown Rear” came up.
“Lack of Quality Activities… recovery groups for men
wishing to deal with sexual addiction and other such

Some prisoners would like to be cured of the Andrew
Sullivan Lifestyle™.

“…Title 15 § 3100 authorizes all California prisoners
to participate in handicraft programs which allow us
to create and sell goods for profit pursuant to CA
Penal Code § 2601. We have been to prisons where we
have made and sold leather goods (belts, wallets,
etc.), picture frames, sculptures, models, and
figurines made out of popsicle sticks…”

In China, prisoners are forced to sell their organs to
make money. Well, actually, their organs are harvested
to make the government money. Which I guess isn’t that
much of an imposition, as they are dead after
“participating” in this activity and really don’t need
the money. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but
as an incarcerated violent felon, I demand to be able
to…make figurines…from popsicle sticks…What is this,
the Inquisition? This isn’t China. I have my rights
to…popsicle stick figurines…penumbra…let me get this
question before Ruth Bader Ginsburg and we’ll see who
gets the last laugh…

“…level-IV prisons allow inmates to purchase and
possess various handicraft supplies such as colored
paper and cellophane, glue, glitter, leather, popsicle
sticks, and other supplies necessary for quality

Just because we are incarcerated for rape, murder and
child molestation…errr…the Ace o’Spades Lifestyle™ ,
doesn’t mean that we can be just be denied colored
paper and popsicle sticks without due process like we
were at Gitmo or something. We are not detainees whose
status is undetermined. We are American citizens who
have been granted due process and convicted of
horrible crimes….Regardless, denying us glue and
popsicle sticks leads us (meaning you, a compassionate
society, as opposed to the savage miscreants who keep
stealing my popsicle sticks and trying to “volunteer”
me to participate in the Andrew Sullivan Lifestyle™
every time I drop my soap in the shower) down that
slippery slope which leads YOU to “donating” MY organs
while I still need them to continue my important work
in producing popsicle stick figurines, acting as a
prisoner union organizer and volunteering my valuable
time (which would be better spent creating popsicle
stick figurines) to act as the plaintiff in nuisance
lawsuits demanding that you give me Gucci shower
slippers, grapefruit and more popsicle sticks to make
more popsicle stick figurines.

“…It is our understanding that MCSP has a recreation
budget from which recreational supplies (balls, games,
cards, etc.) are supposed to be purchased…”

It’s not as though one can justify wasting the money
on causes less deserving than ours, like childhood
vaccination or programs for the mentally handicap.
While these groups, like puppies and kittens, are
“popular”, ask yourself, what contribution do they
make in the all important field of popsicle stick
figurine production?

“…MCSP is constantly coming up with reasons to justify
keeping us locked inside our cells for long periods of

This makes us feel like we were in jail or something.

“…MCSP presumes to have authority to restrict movies
even further by prohibiting those which show women
kissing each other and female nudity. Despite the
Puritanical standards imposed against us by certain
MCSP staff members responsible for ordering and
playing movie videos, MCSP has shown us movies which
showed a man having sex with a live tiger, movies
which showed full frontal and rear nudity of a female
toddler ("American Rhapsody"), and several movies
which showed male nudity. In addition, 4CSP regularly
plays cartoons and children's movies which offend us
because we are not children. We want MCSP to stop
censoring PG-13 movies which show female nudity…”

The problems associated with movie viewing are
manifold, complex. Ultimately, I think we all know how
the Founding Fathers would come down on the
constitutionally guaranteed right to movie viewing.
That being the case, I'll keep this short. You
Puritans can’t be allowed stop us from watching women
kiss, we enjoyed the movie with the large feline sex
and Andrew requests that, if you must show us full
frontal nudity of a toddler, can you make it a boy?

“MCSP will not allow us to view movies not rated PG-13
which were specially edited at the time of production
for showing to specific audiences such as airline
passengers and prison inmates…”

If it helps, don’t think of us as prisoners. Think of
us as airline passengers. We just want what every
airline passenger wants. Gimme some peanuts. And
popsicle sticks.

“…Prizes Title 15 5 3220(d) states that prizes awarded
to inmates for participation in recreational
activities and contests …(no sodas or other prizes are
awarded to participants who do not win …want MCSP to
start awarding prizes to all inmates who participate
in recreational activities and contests, and to award
winners of multiple events the full prize for each
tournament won (e.g., six sodas to an inmate who
enters and wins two events for which three sodas are
awarded to the winner or each)…”

There are two vital issues here (beyond the
constituitionally mandated soda pop minimums), and
once again, we turn to the indispensible Democrats.
First, if liberals have taught us nothing else (which
is pretty much the case since they took over the
public schools and is also an explanation as to why so
many of us ended up in prison instead of college)
everyone is a winner (other than our victims). This
builds self-esteem. I know that conservatives argue
that such indulgence does not prepare one for the
necessities of real life. Being prisoners, we have
pretty much given up aspirations of “real life” in
favor of buggery and popsicle stick figurine art.

Regarding our awards ceremony (preferably for popsicle
stick figurine art), like Al Gore’s Oscars, we feel
that it should be carbon neutral. Like Al Gore’s
Oscars, we don’t intend to make any real contribution
or suffer any real sacrifice, but, like the Oscar
participants, we promise to feel smug and superior
(which will help rebuild our fragile self-esteem, just
like it did for the Oscars participants). We want to
do our part to combat global warming (even if our
“part” is absolutely nothing, other than speechifying,
which ironically, releases carbon dioxide, like the
Oscar participants). Saving the globe guarantees that
there will always be an abundance of trees. Why is
this important? That’s right. So that there will be a
steady supply of popsicle sticks.

“…Rain ear & Insulated Jackets…MCSP inmates are forced
to be exposed to adverse outside weather conditions
when walking 100-400 yards every day to/from meals…”

Again, it’s not like we volunteered for combat. Again,
think Gucci.

“…It is suspected by many MCSP inmates that MCSP not
only gives immunity to inmates guilty of rules
violations in exchange for often false, vague, and
uncorroborated information about other inmates, but
also uses that often bogus information to take adverse
disciplinary action (confinement in ad-seg, rules
violation reports, frequent cell moves and searches,
transfers, etc.) against inmates… It also encourages
cowardly inmates to provide false information against
other inmates in exchange for expected favors…”

Yes, “bogus” is a legal term. To fully appreciate the
severity of this issue, imagine the inducement of
“expected favors”. Now, what if the “expected favors”
is the promise of…popsicle sticks. What couldn’t a man
be induced to say or do for such riches?

“…mandatory language in requiring that the Facility
"B" Men's Advisory Council (MAC) be provided with an
office, office furniture, supplies and stationery, and
either immediate access to a copy machine or its own
copy machine… Our MAC is unable to reach its full
potential in becoming as effective, efficient, and
professional as they could with proper accommodations.
Tae want our MAC to be provided with an office, office
furniture, supplies and stationery, and either a copy
machine of its own or immediate access to any of the
several copy machines on the yard…”

Someone mockingly suggested that we could have access
to all these things and attained our lifelong ambition
to reach “full potential” in the arena of office
equipment usage had we chosen a career at Kinko’s
instead of a life of crime. My response? This isn’t
China, this is America, land of the free, where, if
the Democrats get back in the White House, we will cut
and run from Iraq and I will get a full office suite
in prison so that the production of popsicle figurine
art can be maximized.

“The Facility "B" general inmate population gets the
impression that our MAC and its representatives are
not respected by MCSP staff…They frequently see MAC
representatives being talked down to and/or yelled at
by officers…”

It’s the yelling that leads us to believe you don’t
really respect us. Newsflash. This isn’t Kinko’s. We
aren’t employees. We are prisoners. Unlike Kinko’s
employees, we have rights. And a union. A union that
is not afraid to file frivolous lawsuits demanding
respect, grapefruits and popsicle sticks in the Ninth
Circuit Court. The Democrats and Chairperson Pelosi
have Congress. She’s from California. The Ninth
Circuit has jurisdiction over California. Get the

I think I have made my point.

Give me my constitutional rights and court degreed
privileges that I have earned as an incarcerated

And popsicle sticks. Lots of popsicle sticks.

Or I will sharpen the popsicle stick I have and shiv

Sinister Delenda Est.


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posted by xgenghisx at 11:37 PM

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