"I don't have sex with my monkey"

If you're denying it, you've already got a PR problem on your hands.

The head of a Plano school district facility that houses exotic animals said Monday he fears for his professional future there after saying he believed that a local pet owner was having sexual relations with his rhesus macaque monkey.

The Plano Star Courier in Saturday's edition quoted Plano ISD's Jim Dunlap as saying a man was having relations with the monkey seized last month by authorities. The head of PISD's Living Materials Center said the pet owner, Bobby Crawford Jr., sent a box of toys for Darwin the monkey to play with while he was kept there. In that box was an audiotape.

"After listening to the tape, Dunlap said Crawford made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation," the story read.

In an interview Monday with The Dallas Morning News, Mr. Dunlap said he had been going through "holy hell" over the story. He said the Star Courier reported information that was "off the record and not to be printed."

"I've been expecting any moment to get a phone call from my supervisor saying, 'You've been put on administrative leave,' or from somebody saying, 'I'm suing,' " Mr. Dunlap said.

Rick Mann, managing editor of the Star Courier, said, "I'll simply say the story speaks for itself."

The monkey and a tarantula were returned to Mr. Crawford on Friday.

Mr. Crawford said he did send a tape for the monkey to listen to, but that he was probably crying when he recorded it and that it contains nothing but comforting baby talk. He said there was nothing sexually suggestive on the tape and called Mr. Dunlap's initial conclusion "ridiculous."

"I don't have sex with my monkey. That's absolute crap," Mr. Crawford said. "Why would I do that? I gave him an audiotape, but it didn't have anything like that on it. It said, 'I'm coming home, I'm coming to get you. Daddy's coming, he's coming to get you,' " Mr. Crawford said.

Mr. Dunlap said that he made a "gross error" and that his interpretation of the tape was just that – his and no one else's.

"I interpreted what I heard and saw in my own way, and I can't say that's correct. It's just me, what I think. I can't argue with Mr. Crawford about what he meant," Mr. Dunlap said. "I took it on surface value about what he said. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. He may be totally honest and right in what he thinks about the way he sounded."

Police say they have no reason to believe any crime was committed.

Because -- is it really a crime to be in love?

Just kidding. The guy was just doing some baby-talk with his monkey (how else are you supposed to talk to a monkey?) and this other guy seems to have been dirty-minded in interpreting that "Daddy's coming to get you" stuff.

Musical Accompaniment: from Slublog. Well, really from the Beatles.

posted by Ace at 02:34 PM

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