Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups






















« Wilberforce! | Main | Awesome: After The WaPo's Kurtz Rips LGF's Commenters As "Vile," LGF Documents WaPo Commenters Delighting In Tony Snow's Cancer »
March 29, 2007

"I don't have sex with my monkey"

If you're denying it, you've already got a PR problem on your hands.

The head of a Plano school district facility that houses exotic animals said Monday he fears for his professional future there after saying he believed that a local pet owner was having sexual relations with his rhesus macaque monkey.

The Plano Star Courier in Saturday's edition quoted Plano ISD's Jim Dunlap as saying a man was having relations with the monkey seized last month by authorities. The head of PISD's Living Materials Center said the pet owner, Bobby Crawford Jr., sent a box of toys for Darwin the monkey to play with while he was kept there. In that box was an audiotape.

"After listening to the tape, Dunlap said Crawford made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation," the story read.

In an interview Monday with The Dallas Morning News, Mr. Dunlap said he had been going through "holy hell" over the story. He said the Star Courier reported information that was "off the record and not to be printed."

"I've been expecting any moment to get a phone call from my supervisor saying, 'You've been put on administrative leave,' or from somebody saying, 'I'm suing,' " Mr. Dunlap said.

Rick Mann, managing editor of the Star Courier, said, "I'll simply say the story speaks for itself."

The monkey and a tarantula were returned to Mr. Crawford on Friday.

Mr. Crawford said he did send a tape for the monkey to listen to, but that he was probably crying when he recorded it and that it contains nothing but comforting baby talk. He said there was nothing sexually suggestive on the tape and called Mr. Dunlap's initial conclusion "ridiculous."

"I don't have sex with my monkey. That's absolute crap," Mr. Crawford said. "Why would I do that? I gave him an audiotape, but it didn't have anything like that on it. It said, 'I'm coming home, I'm coming to get you. Daddy's coming, he's coming to get you,' " Mr. Crawford said.

Mr. Dunlap said that he made a "gross error" and that his interpretation of the tape was just that – his and no one else's.

"I interpreted what I heard and saw in my own way, and I can't say that's correct. It's just me, what I think. I can't argue with Mr. Crawford about what he meant," Mr. Dunlap said. "I took it on surface value about what he said. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. He may be totally honest and right in what he thinks about the way he sounded."

Police say they have no reason to believe any crime was committed.

Because -- is it really a crime to be in love?

Just kidding. The guy was just doing some baby-talk with his monkey (how else are you supposed to talk to a monkey?) and this other guy seems to have been dirty-minded in interpreting that "Daddy's coming to get you" stuff.


Musical Accompaniment: from Slublog. Well, really from the Beatles.



digg this
posted by Ace at 02:34 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Decaf: "Reminds of a story my brother, a historian, told m ..."

Tim "Born to Kill" Walz: "Trump is Micheal Myers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..."

Xipe Totec: "The most pathetic Ford evah! The ALL NEW, Piece of ..."

...: "I think it has helped them quite a bit, for decade ..."

People's Hippo Voice : "Why do people act like betting markets have some s ..."

whig: "337 Why do people act like betting markets have so ..."

ShainS -- In Trump's America, Garbage Throws YOU Out! [/b][/i][/s][/u] : "In hindsight it seems obvious. Yes, many people wa ..."

gKWVE: "[i]how did they identify male Orthodox Jews, and h ..."

Xipe Totec: "Babylon Bee: Millions of garbage bags seen lining ..."

ChrisW: "It's like when the media told us that football cro ..."

18-1: "[i]In the 80s and 90s he was going off on Japan. C ..."

Obligatory Seinfeld reference : ">>>An all white fiesta? What the hell is that? ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64