Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries
Humor Break
It Begins: Biden Advisors Tell the Press That the Defeat Was Caused by "Obama Advisors" Who Pushed Biden Out and Then Began Running "Outdated Obama-Era Playbooks" The Morning Rant: Minimalist Edition Mid-Morning Art Thread The Morning Report 11/7/24 Daily News Stuff 7 November 2024 11/6/24 Wednesday Overnight Open Thread (11/6/24) Greet the New Day Cafe Gloat Part 2: The Engloatening Democrat Hit Man Jack Smith Discussing How to "Wind Down" His Political Prosecutions of Donald Trump With Merrick Garland Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
|
« "Hollywood 85" Subject To Letter-Writing Campaign |
Main
| Another Fun Personal Ad (Repost) »
August 19, 2006
The Perfect Girl For Allah (And Everyone Else, But Only If You're A Quality Man)BamaPachyderm alerted me to this. The term "douche" is rather sexist, in the sense that it is almost always applied to men. "Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey" means to correct that sexism. Fast. I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts: 86%? Okay. 3. I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of American adult women are over 30 years old) Beg? Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: science fiction, libertarianism, blogging, politics, economics, guns, gambling, etc. She left out mastering "the power of psychokinetic flight." ... Out of my league? Look, I want to make it clear I'm not saying this girl is ugly, per se. What she is is "plain." She is what I call "Bad Irish." The Irish look, but not the Good Irish look. The pasty skin, the elfin features... but not cute elfin, or better yet, hot elfin. What you're looking at here is a 5. A girl you wouldn't notice in the average college or singles bar, except maybe if you had recently quit smoking, and noticed she had a fresh pack of Marlboro Reds held in her (indifferent) cleavage. [Continuing] There are lots of fat single mothers out there who can’t find dates either. Just thought I'd post that again. I'll give her she's not fat, and I'll take her word for it she is unencumbered by children. After that... well. The accolades run out rather quickly. I will give her this: She has, as far as I can tell, only one head, which is generally considered to be the optimal number of heads, according to 83.5% of the male population. The runner up was "zero heads," with 15% of the vote, followed by "six heads," with 1.5% of the vote. Not sure what's that about. Maybe the poll oversampled Satanists hot for "The She-Spawn of the Beast of the Apocalypse." 2. Look in the developing world. If you’re literate with a home computer and an internet connection you are very wealthy compared to the rest of the world. Citizenship or legal permanent residency in a rich country makes you more attractive to women in poorer countries. Your value on the dating market is thus much higher there. Do I have to post it again? I'm sorry, "Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey," but I think maybe you're the one who needs to seek new population pools for would-be suitors. I'm not sure you'd be considered "certifiably smokin'" except, perhaps, on Yuggoth (Pluto), where Mi-Go Space-Mead Brewers might turn their heads as you walk by and say, "Wow! She's not a crustacean-fungus with ten pincers and a head shaped like a deflated football sprouting a dozen eyestalks! Yowza! I don't know about you, but my Trilobal Mating Claw just went boooinnggg!" 3. Self-improvement! I used to be a fat unattractive college dropout who couldn’t get her life together. Now I’m thin, attractive, and successfully self-employed after graduating. You can make yourself over into a higher-quality man capable of winning a higher-quality woman too. She's a "higher quality woman." This is true, I suppose, if the "woman' you're used to hooking up with is a hollowed squash filled with Astroglide. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed or commented their offers, it's nice to feel wanted. Although I'm not looking for a new relationship right now (don't worry, I'll blog about it when I am), hopefully this post gave those of you who are interested a better idea of your chances in the future. I'm sorry if I've offended you, but I'm also really sick of getting e-mailed several times a week by delusionally hopeful men who read my blog and think because I am *their* dream girl that I'll therefore want them too. I've never before done a photographic fisking. I'm an innovator. Too often they act crushed when I reject them... Crushed? Or mildly miffed that what was thought to be an easy lay goes south? ...which I feel bad about, but if they had stopped to consider whether they had as much to offer me as I have to offer them then they might have had more realistic expectations. With all due respect, for the vast lot of us, this is, alas, what defines "realistic expectations." ... WickedPinto, where art thou? Never have I beheld a bitch more in need of a serious breaking. Old school. In her various updates, she brags that her "outrageous" posts (such as this) are designed to generate high blog-traffic. Which is sort of like the driver of a bus who causes a major chain-collision multiple-fatality accident saying, "Well, I sort of crossed three lanes and smashed into the guardrail because I want people to know I have the courage to drink heavily before operating heavy machinery." Like someone else I know. Can someone frisch themselves out of the dating market? Apparently so. Thanks to Beth, who promises a somewhat-related "P.S." in her own post. Update: Thanks to Beth again. Okay, now that I see that she's a dead-ringer for Rudy Giuliani in drag, I have to admit, I'm three-quarters aroused. The big question is, of course, would I hit it? I mean, her frightening resemblence to His Honor aside. Admitedly: Yes. I'd hit it, I admit, but there are different levels of "I'd hit it." She comes somewhere on the "I'd hit it" scale between "I'd hit it, but only if it were 3am and I was drunk and really needed somewhere to crash for the night" and "I'd hit it, but only if she walked right up to me, grabbed my hog with both hands, and screamed to the bar, 'I claim this Man-Thing as mine own!!' and then vowed to fight any challengers to the death with Vulcan axe-spears." Because yeah, I don't care what you look like, that's hot. All Apologies... I didn't realize the "Beth" who sent me this was Beth from My Vast Right Conspiracy. I apologize for the earlier lack of a hat-tip to her blog. | Recent Comments
Helena Handbasket:
">>> 541 *Decision Desk Headquarters = DDHQ
Posted ..."
Moron Robbie - Greater stakes, Karmella lost 10M votes while Trump stayed the same?: "I suspect Obama is part of the Diddy / Epstein org ..." Seems Legit: "Have we determined if Obama selling his place in D ..." Florida Peasant : "The dems are a crazy bunch. They never learn anyth ..." Grudge Harbor: "Don't forget Prop. 36 passed with 70% Posted by ..." 18-1: "Can we engage in a little bipartisan, unity, buryi ..." Archimedes: "[i]Obama inserting himself into the campaign was a ..." whig: "591 Dude looked like he'd been crying. And his cra ..." runner: "Never let obama insert himself anywhere. ..." Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea, Radioactive Knight, Concertina Czar: "The dark glasses were to hide the black eye she go ..." Helena Handbasket: ">>> 524 ===== We are becoming a fractured soc ..." WisRich: "Dr Jill wearing red to the polling place was a big ..." Recent Entries
Humor Break
It Begins: Biden Advisors Tell the Press That the Defeat Was Caused by "Obama Advisors" Who Pushed Biden Out and Then Began Running "Outdated Obama-Era Playbooks" The Morning Rant: Minimalist Edition Mid-Morning Art Thread The Morning Report 11/7/24 Daily News Stuff 7 November 2024 11/6/24 Wednesday Overnight Open Thread (11/6/24) Greet the New Day Cafe Gloat Part 2: The Engloatening Democrat Hit Man Jack Smith Discussing How to "Wind Down" His Political Prosecutions of Donald Trump With Merrick Garland Search
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |